


All the World's a Stage....

by Lapal



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 11:15:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13410093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell are both surgeons and occasionally work colleagues, maybe even friends. Not good friends yet, definitely not best friends, but they get along.And then Serena discovers that Bernie has a hobby, a hobby that she can scarcely believe. And it offers them the chance to get to know each other a little better.





	1. Setting the Scene(ry)

**Author's Note:**

> This has taken me a little longer to write than I thought it would. We're very close to the return of Ms Campbell to Holby and I for one can't wait to see where the Berena relationship now stands. I'm hoping that there will be enough of a mention of Bernie to still keep us hooked and invested in our lovely ladies.
> 
> Please note, the Mature rating will apply to later chapters.

All the World's a Stage...

 

 

Chapter 1

 

 

Setting the Scene(ry)

 

Major Berenice Wolfe, ex RAMC, known to her friends and work colleagues as Bernie, had been employed as a locum Consultant General surgeon at Holby City Hospital for nearly 6 months, before she was asked to cover an absence on the Acute Admissions Unit, referred to as AAU. She had met their lead and Consultant Vascular surgeon, Serena Campbell on three or four occasions already, the first time was on her very first day at Holby, when she was able to offer some advice over her car problem. Since then their paths had mainly crossed when they were both taking a break from their wards, usually over a strong hot coffee, or after work at the hospital watering hole, Albie's Bar. Bernie had found her easy to talk to, especially when it was discovered they had both survived acrimonious divorces, although the circumstances around their break-ups were very different. Strangely,, Serena, who was very much against anyone who cheated in a marriage, after her own had collapsed when she discovered just what a womaniser her ex had been, had found a way to accept the reasons behind Bernie's fall from grace in that area, and a slow, but growing respect and friendship seemed on the cards. Hanssen, the CEO of Holby had asked Bernie to spend a few weeks on AAU for a number of reasons, primarily because Serena Campbell was his deputy and he needed her support in board meetings that sometimes were necessary at very short notice, and he didn't want to hear how the ward could not manage without her. He also wanted to see how Ms Wolfe would cope on a busy ward where every patient needed quick assessment and sometimes immediate surgery, and her experience and exemplary skills as a trauma surgeon in the Royal Army Medical Corps were the perfect fit for AAU. The skills she had acquired over many tours in Iraq and most recently in Afghanistan ought to be used for the hospitals benefit, but he knew from experience it was not always plain sailing with Ms Wolfe, as she had a certain maverick style that didn't always sit well within the confines and red tape of the NHS. He also knew only too well that if an argument with an IED hadn't resulted in life saving surgery at Holby which had ended her army career, she would be still be there, saving lives and training future surgeons in the field.

Serena had welcomed her with open arms, glad of someone who knew the hospital rather than just a 'Larry Locum' who would probably cause as many problems as they solved. She gave her a very quick briefing on the strengths (and weaknesses) of the staff on duty as she understood them, and then she was summoned to Hanssen's office for a briefing of her own before a board meeting. The morning progressed steadily, with Bernie soon realising that most of the staff on AAU were competent at the very least, confident in their abilities and accepting of her judgement even if it differed to their own. She also learnt that they were fiercely devoted to Serena, in spite of her reputation of being a hard taskmaster, and suspected that one reason for that was the fact that Serena supported, nurtured and trusted them in return. She ran a very tight ship and Bernie could appreciate that.

All the careful adherence to hospital rules and protocol were tested to the limit however when a major incident was declared after a serious train derailment just south of Holby. Hanssen had to abandon the board meeting and sent Serena scurrying back to AAU, who, with the ED, would be bearing the brunt of the incoming casualties. She arrived on the ward to see Nurse Fletcher desperately trying to discharge or move patients to free up as many beds as he could, and Bernie was racing from one injured person to the next to try to minimise the feeling of panic that both the F1's and student doctors were experiencing, looking all the time for those victims who may have life threatening injuries and therefore in need of urgent attention. After having changed into scrubs, Serena joined her, and Bernie was quick to point out that it was like trying to bail out a sinking ship with a tea cup.

“Yes, well I don't expect that many here have ever seen anything on this scale before, so it's not surprising.” There was an edge to Serena's voice that Bernie picked up on.

“I'm not criticising, I just think that we might be able to improve on the current system and therefore make quicker assessments if we organise the ward like a field hospital, something I am very used to.”

Serena studied her face for a moment before nodding. “Fine, it can't be worse than this chaos, let's try it Kandahar style”, and she raised her voice to indicate that everyone should stop for a second to listen to Ms Wolfe's directions.

After about 30 minutes, although still struggling with the volume of casualties, an order had been established, and from the F2's down they now understood their role in the crisis and were able to function at a level that did not put patients or themselves at risk, and which freed up the surgeons to take the more urgent cases straight into theatre. On more than one occasion during that long day, Serena and Bernie found themselves operating together on the same patient, and a new found respect for their individual skills was forged between them. By the end of the day, as they were discussing the ongoing care of a badly injured young man, Fletcher approached them to ask if Serena thought they could deal with another 6 possibly critically injured casualties. Serena sighed and said no, at the same time that Bernie said yes. Fletcher looked from one to other waiting for a big row to ensue, but, with a glare at Bernie, Serena repeated firmly, no, and then walked away towards her office. Bernie sighed and followed her, but just before she went inside, Serena turned to Bernie.

“Look, I understand that when you're in the middle of a war zone you don''t have many viable alternatives, but here, we do. You don't have to be so 'gung-ho about everything.”

Bernie shrugged, and not quite able to let it go replied. “I only wanted what's best for the patients!”

“And I don't?” said Serena with a grim look on her face, and an icy tone in her voice, and she walked into the office and closed the door firmly behind her, making it quite clear that she did not want Bernie to follow her in. Bernie sighed and turned away, thinking that she had at last seen that side of Ms Campbell that had lesser mortals quaking in their boots.

About 15 minutes later the door opened again and Serena strode out of the office and headed straight to the lift, just murmuring something to Fletcher as she waited for it to arrive. She stepped inside and as the doors closed she made eye contact with Bernie, who was relieved to see that the angry glare seemed to have gone.

'Although, that glint she gets in her eye is very........attractive?' she thought to herself. She took a couple of steps and then stopped dead in her tracks, a small smile playing around her lips. That was the first time since her affair with Alex Dawson, the anaesthetist from her battalion, had ended that she had acknowledged to herself that she found another woman..interesting. She raised an eyebrow, and pushed that thought firmly to the back of her mind.

The next day sitting in the office on AAU, Bernie was wading through some paperwork when she realised that Hanssen had glided almost soundlessly into the room and was standing just inside the doorway.

“A word if I may Ms Wolfe?” he announced in clipped tones, “about what happened here, on this ward, yesterday.”

Bernie's heart sank a little, she had had a couple of run-ins with him already over her risk-taking, and lack of understanding of how the NHS operated in these cash strapped times. She presumed that Serena had spoken to him about her trying to overrule her in front of Nurse Fletcher.

“If it's about wanting to take on the extra patients from the rail crash, I have already apologised to Ms Campbell about trying to make her change her decision, so there is no need to draw yet another line that I'm _not_ allowed to cross.” Bernie was a little miffed that Serena had been telling tales, especially after her apology.  


Hanssen quirked an eyebrow in her direction but did not take the bait.

“You misunderstand me Ms Wolfe. I was merely going to commend you on your handling of events yesterday, and to ask if you thought the hospital would benefit from a trauma unit being set up on this ward?”

Bernie was speechless for a moment, and then excited, but remembering how protective Serena was of her staff and ward she forced herself to take a second before speaking.

“Have you run this past Ms Campbell? Because unless she is in favour of it, then it couldn't work, and I wouldn't be interested.”

Hannssen gave what might almost be a smile. “What admirable loyalty, we may make a team player of you yet. But you can rest assured. It was in fact Ms Campbell who came to me with the proposal.”

Bernie's face couldn't disguise her shock, and she was just fumbling for her reply when Serena sauntered into the office.

“Well say something, and it had better be yes,” she remarked. “I don't agree to co-lead AAU with just anyone you know.”

Bernie's eyes widened even further. “Co.....co-lead? I..I'm not sure I understand.”

Hanssen interrupted, slightly annoyed that Serena had tried to take charge of the conversation.

“To get to the point, Ms Campbell needs to make more of her time available to me and the board of this hospital, which she cannot do without risking the smooth running of this ward. She seems to consider that you would be an admirable fit to run this ward in her absences, and it would also give us the chance to pursue the idea of opening a state of the art Trauma Unit. We would obviously need your own specific knowledge to help us achieve this. If you say yes, you will of course be offered a permanent position here at Holby.”

Bernie smiled. “Then I can hardly refuse. Yes, I would be happy to accept your offer.” She half-turned towards Serena and simply said, “Thank you.”

Serena walked across the office and sat down at the other side of the desk as Hanssen left.

“It makes sense to me, I trust your judgement....in most things, and it will allow me to be away from here without worrying that I might be needed at short notice. But establishing a Trauma Unit not going to be easy. There's a certain amount of funding available from the government, but we will have to attract some serious donors, and that my dear Ms Wolfe, means that you and I will be spending many a weekend and evening sweet talking the Holby elite to get the extra funds we need.”

Bernie felt her heart take another dive, this time right into her shoes. She hated being on show, often found it difficult to string two words together when in awkward social situations, especially with people that she would normally never even pass the time of day with.

Serena noticed her glum face.

“Cheer up, I suggest we go to Albie's after our shift ends tomorrow, toast our new working relationship, and think about the prospect of a bright future for us, the ward and Holby Hospital.”

Bernie pulled a wry face. “I can't, I'm sorry. Not tomorrow...previous plans I'm afraid.”

Serena raised an eyebrow. “Hot date?”

Bernie laughed, a surprising sound from such a slender frame. “No, not a chance!”

Serena raised the other eyebrow. “Why ever not? You'd be quite the catch for someone. I mean you're not exactly over the hill, are you? And before you say the wrong thing, you need to know that we are virtually the same age!”

Bernie grinned, thinking that it was so easy to chat with Serena, she was looking forward to working with her on a more permanent basis.

“I'm really sorry, but it's something I can't put off..it's the technical rehearsal for an amateur dramatic society I'm a member of.”

Serena looked intrigued, and a twinkle appeared in her eye. “My, you are a dark horse Ms Wolfe. So we have a thespian in our midst?”

“Oh, god no...I couldn't, wouldn't...I mean...I work there, backstage, in my spare time, on a voluntary basis. I know we don't know each other very well, but I'm sure you've already realised that the limelight is not something I actively seek.”

“Hmm, I'm not so sure,” teased Serena, “it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for.”

Bernie rolled her eyes. “I do jobs like the sound effects, or props. Sometimes I help out with the electrics, but on this one I'm the stage manager so I can't even ask anyone to stand in for me, and the technical rehearsal goes on forever, so I may not be finished until midnight at the earliest.”

Serena waved her hand, “It's okay, I quite understand. Having a little trouble getting my head round the thought of you in a different sort of theatre, but I do understand. Is it a group I might have heard of?”

“Possibly. It's the Crescent Theatre Company in the city centre.”

Serena's eyebrows were getting quite the workout this morning, as they both shot up in surprise.

“Really? That's got quite a significant reputation in theatrical circles. When Elinor was appearing in Les Mis at Uni, well I'm sure you remember my car troubles that day; we had been to the Crescent a week earlier to hire a costume for her. I'm impressed Ms Wolfe, my perception of you has now changed quite significantly.”

Bernie blushed slightly at the teasing tone of Serena's voice, and was grateful that Serena accepted that this was something she could not put off to discuss plans for the Trauma Unit. However, she did acknowledge that they needed to arrange a meeting sooner rather than later, as starting next week she was committed to a 2 week run of the play and would be at the theatre every night. So they sat and worked out their rotas for the next few days and found they would both be free on Friday morning and made a date to meet up for coffee and a chat.

As the day wore on, Bernie began to feel more and more at home on AAU, and found herself watching Serena as she worked, whether it was in the office doing paperwork, or out on the ward, interacting with both staff and patients. She began to see why she felt so relaxed around her, and she could see that in some ways their styles of work were very similar, focused and disciplined in all matters of a medical nature. And that smile, she thought to herself, it lights up the room, a smile that could launch a 1,000 ships. No wonder Hanssen was keen to have her present at board meetings, who could say no to her? Certainly not me, thought Bernie and then shook herself. Let's not go down that road she told herself, good friends are hard to come by.

On Friday, over coffee, they got to develop their growing friendship a little bit more. Bernie learnt about Jason, and how he had ended up living with her, and how her most recent dalliance with a detective sergeant in the police, had come to an abrupt end when he realised that Serena came as part of a package, which included a nephew and daughter, both of whom made significant demands on her time. Bernie couldn't help but think what an idiot he had been to give up so easily. And as for Serena, she managed to get the normally reticent Ms Wolfe to open up a little about her recent divorce. She had thought that her affair with Alex had been the sole reason for her failed marriage, but began to understand that things had not been good in the Dunn/Wolfe household for many years, and that she had remained in the partnership mainly for the sake of her children, whom she loved dearly. It was her greatest regret that her fall from grace had left their relationship on pretty shaky ground. She found this complicated woman completely fascinating and was feeling very fortunate that she had both the opportunity and the inclination to get to know her better.

“So, how did you become so interested in the theatre?” she asked. “I have to admit that it's not something I would have imagined you doing in your spare time.”

Bernie grinned. “So what did you imagine me doing in my leisure hours then? Presuming that you did think about me at all.”

Serena coloured slightly. “Well, I suppose, given your obviously well toned figure,” and here Serena stuttered slightly, “That is you even make scrubs look good...I mean as opposed to me, that is, you don't seem to.... I..I thought that maybe you ran or worked out at the gym, something like that.” She was now wishing a hole would open in the ground and swallow her.

Bernie found that a flustered Serena Campbell was quite endearing and she was tempted to prolong her discomfort, but decided that in the interests of a good working relationship she would put her out of her misery.

“My parents used to take me and my brother to see plays all the time when we were young, mainly amateur performances, but every now and then they would splash out and we'd head off to London or some similar big city to see a star studied cast. It was my mother's influence mostly I think, she was probably a very frustrated actress herself. But my father was happy to support her interest and he always enjoyed family outings when he was on leave. Then, when I was at medical school, I used it to relax, to take a break from the punishing schedule that you know all about. So I joined the university's drama society and used to help out with all the production side of things. I think they found it odd that I didn't want to be on the stage, but welcomed anyone who was prepared to lug scenery about. After a while, after I qualified, it became my bolt-hole, somewhere I could escape from the rigours of our job, but where I could still feel useful.”

Serena had a bemused smile on her face as Bernie was talking and when she noticed it Bernie stopped her monologue and looked queryingly at Serena.

“What? What is that look for?” And she smiled to show Serena she was amused.

For a moment Serena didn't say anything, caught out and quite captivated by Bernie's smile.

“Oh!, Erm..nothing really. I'm just not used to hearing you rabbit on about anything other than work. You have to admit you are rather reticent, or more generally a woman of few words.”

Bernie looked momentarily taken aback. “Really? Oh I suppose …... well I wouldn't ….. well, yes I can...... see how you” and then suddenly they were both laughing at Bernie's inability to to get a whole sentence to come out of her mouth.

“Yes,” said Serena triumphantly, “exactly that!”

They sat in silence for a short while , both of them thinking how good it felt to be spending time with someone they felt a connection with. Serena spoke first.

“Well, whatever spell it is that the theatre has cast over you, it's obviously somewhere you feel comfortable.”

Bernie nodded in agreement, and then grinned. “You know I'd not thought of it before, but it's odd that the two places I feel most relaxed, most in tune with myself have the same name.”

She was aware that she didn't want to say goodbye to Serena just yet, especially as they still had things to discuss about the fundraiser, but they couldn't very well sit in the cafe for the other hour or two that it might take.

“Actually, I need to go to the Crescent at some point today, just to check on a couple of things before Monday's opening night. I don't suppose you'd like to come with me, and have a look around?”

Serena grinned in delight. “I love to, as long as you think it'd be alright? I wouldn't want you to get in trouble for trying to smuggle me in.”

“Well, that depends on whether you're any good at doing as you're told,” said Bernie, winking at her, and Serena felt a thrill run down her spine as she thought about Bernie being in control.

On the walk over to the theatre, Bernie told her how she had got involved with it. How each time she was pregnant and unable to stay in a war zone once she was past 3 months, she chose to take temporary leave on top of her maternity leave, rather than spend months pushing papers around, or giving lectures in stuffy classrooms. She'd spend some time catching up with her Dad and filled the rest of the hours working at the theatre on voluntary basis. (Looking back she could see how, even then, she was making choices that resulted in her and Marcus having a reasonable distance from each other, but had never consciously thought about why.) She found the work interesting and relaxing and it kept her sharp, often having to react instantly to minor mishaps either on or off the stage. Then, when the IED accident occurred and she finally came to the conclusion that her marriage and her career was over, she found it to be the ideal place to escape to, where no-one had any real knowledge of her past unless she chose to tell them, and were non-judgemental and totally accepting of the person she now was.

Serena felt slightly guilty at these words, knowing how she had initially reacted when the rumour-mill at the hospital had spread the news of her affair and the nature of it far and wide. She put her hand briefly on Bernie's arm and squeezed it gently as she talked, trying to convey her regret over her part in making her feel uncomfortable for a while.

When they arrived in the foyer of the Crescent, Bernie smiled at the girl on duty in the ticket kiosk and asked if she might have a few words with the theatre manager if she was free. After a quick phone-call she was ushered into an office, while Serena looked around the photographs adorning the walls, showing scenes of past productions going right back to the founding year of 1923. Bernie re-emerged only a few minutes later, all smiles.

“That's sorted, no problem” she said. “She even said you could come and watch me at work one of the evenings if you wanted to.” She leaned in a little closer. “Between you and me, I think she's hoping I've found a new recruit.”

Serena laughed. “Well you never know. Although I'm not sure backstage work is really my bag if I'm honest.” And she followed Bernie through a small staff only door off the reception area, and into a long dark corridor that led to the dressing rooms and eventually the wings of the theatre. Serena was taken by surprise at how dimly it was lit, and at first she stumbled a few times until her eyes adjusted.

“Careful,” said Bernie, “I don't want to be responsible for Holby losing one of their leading surgeons because she tripped over a piece of scenery and broke her leg.” And Bernie put out her hand to grasp Serena's arm to steady her, and enjoyed the moment her body made contact with Serena's as she leaned in towards her to keep her balance.

Serena was fascinated by all the distinct areas in what was such a small space. There were the dressing rooms, the green room where actors sometimes waited in between their appearances on stage, and the workroom at the very back where the flats were painted to provide the background scenery for most of the plays. Right on the side of the main stage, in the wings, there was the props table and the desk where the stage manager sat with an electronics board for sending cues to the sound and lights department, which was set high above the auditorium. It was also where the rise and fall of the curtain was controlled, and the hydraulics for the trap door. Serena found it all quite thrilling even though today everywhere was still and silent. The only thing she wasn't too keen on was the smell, and she wrinkled her nose slightly. Bernie noticed and smiled.

“You get used to that aroma after a while, even get to like it!” Serena looked at her sceptically. “Really?”

“Yes, it's a mixture of stale sweat and the greasepaint, and it really gets under your skin after a while. When I was young I always used to ask my mom to get a seat near the stage in the stalls, so that as doors were opened and closed behind the scenes it would create a draft and this smell would come out across the stage. It was magical.”

Bernie had a happy smile on her face as she reminisced and Serena thought how her face shone, and how almost ethereal she looked in this dim light. Bernie shook herself as if coming back down to earth, and saw Serena gazing at her fondly, which made her heart beat just a little faster.

“Sorry, a little lost in my memories there.”

“Happy ones, obviously,” said Serena gently. She looked at Bernie shyly. “I....I wondered if I might go onto the stage, if it's allowed?”

Bernie grinned. “Can't wait to be in the limelight, eh? Of course, just give me a second while I raise the curtain and put on some lighting so you can see where you're going.” She turned back to the desk and pressed a few buttons and when she felt it was safe she nodded to Serena that she could walk out into the centre.

Serena took some tentative steps through the side curtains until she was standing on the stage looking out onto the auditorium. It wasn't a big theatre, but Serena felt quite overwhelmed at the sight of all the seats displayed in front of her, and she closed her eyes trying to imagine lots of faces, all sitting in anticipation, all looking at her. Still with her eyes closed she started to hum softly, a tune she remembered from her childhood, from a film she had seen numerous times with her mother. Bernie was standing very still watching her, thinking how she commanded any stage she stepped upon, whether it was the operating theatre or the boardroom or here in front of a hundred empty seats, she radiated a sense of self that Bernie found bewitching. As the humming grew louder, Serena, suddenly remembering the words, started to sing.

 

“Curtain up! Light the lights!

You've got nothing to hit but the heights!

You'll be swell. You'll be great.

I can tell. Just you wait.

That lucky star I talk about is you!

Honey, everything's coming up roses, for me and for you!

 

Bernie's jaw dropped open in utter amazement as she heard Serena start to sing, and her surprise only grew as she listened to what was a beautiful, effortless voice, soaring out through the theatre. As she finished, Bernie walked out onto the stage, clapping softly, and Serena seemed to come out of a trance and looked around, blushing.

“Wow Serena, that was.....wonderful. I had no idea.......well, why would I...?  she smiled, "Seems like we're both full of surprises today!”

She was startled to see a tear falling from the corner of Serena's eye, and she was by her side in a trice, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Silly of me, I know,” mumbled Serena, “it just made me think of my Mom and how much I miss her. Even when she could scarcely remember her own name she still could remember the words to her favourite songs.” Serena gave a small sob and she leant towards Bernie, who froze for a moment and then slid her hand across to her other shoulder, and pulled Serena towards her, giving her arm a small squeeze as she did.

“Maybe we should finish here and then go and grab a bite to eat, what do you think?”

Serena gave her a watery smile and nodded. “I'd like that, yes.”

Bernie did the couple of jobs she had come in for while Serena sat in the wings, waiting. She made sure everything was as it was before they arrived, not forgetting to drop the curtain. As they re-entered the foyer it seemed very bright after the dim lighting backstage, and Serena noticed for the first time that they had a small cafe which sold sandwiches and cooked snacks.

“Did you mean here?” she asked.

Bernie looked around and lowered her voice before replying. “No, and if you met Ann, our stand-in chef during the day, you'd understand why.” Serena raised her eyebrows and was about to ask a question when Bernie spoke again. “I'll tell you another time.” She raised her voice slightly. “I thought we we might try one of the bistro pubs just by the canal if that suits you?

Serena's eyes sparkled. “As long as there's a glass of shiraz to be had, I'll be happy.”

They spent a pleasant hour or so over lunch, but Bernie was very conscious that she had two nights shifts coming up, one tonight and one on Saturday, to make up for the fact that for two weeks she could only do day or early shifts. They chatted about the Trauma Unit and Serena sighed, voicing how she wished they could think of something a little more unusual to raise the extra, much needed cash, rather than the normal meal and meet and greet they usually organised when trying to persuade benefactors to part with their money. Just as Bernie was about to suggest they headed off home, Serena grabbed her arm, her eyes gleaming.

“Bernie, does the theatre ever rent space out to other organisations or drama groups?”

“Oh yes, we have a couple of amateur operatic societies that hire it on a regular basis, we've got a couple of conference rooms, and we can even host weddings there now. It's a good way for us to increase our income, to help with the upkeep of the place.”

Serena could barely keep the excitement out of her voice.

“Do you think you could speak to the management and see if you could negotiate a good rate for the hospital to hire it for one night? I'm thinking we could showcase any talent that we find from across the whole of the hospital, and put on a sort of show. We could invite the benefactors and investors we think may be amenable, and organise a buffet for afterwards. Oh, do you know if they have a drinks licence?”

“Yes, there's a bar upstairs I didn't get around to showing you, but I'm really not sure about this Serena, it'll take an awful lot of work to pull this off. I'm not sure this is a very practical idea.”

“Nonsense,” said Serena, with her business head very much in place. “We just have to be very focused. Firstly, any quiet moments you have over your two night shifts, start jotting down the areas you think might cause us problems,” and as Bernie put a finger up in the air, Serena glared at her, “still speaking! I know you think it's ridiculous, which is why I want you to write down the difficulties, as you see them. Then on Monday we'll try and make time to look through them, and, if I'm right that there won't be much we can't work round, we can then put our heads together and formulate a rough plan to take to Hanssen. Agreed?”

Bernie hesitated, but couldn't resist trying to please Serena, and, underneath her reservations she could see the sense in trying to come up with something new to entice the entrepreneurs of Holby out of their boardrooms. She was also thinking that this would mean she wouldn't have to spend hours dressed up to the nines trying to make small talk with people she had no real interest in. So she smiled at Serena and raised her hands in surrender.

“Agreed, in principle. Let's see if we can make this work. I'm presuming you already have some thoughts about who to approach to perform in the show?”

“One or two...” said Serena, enigmatically.

“I have one proviso though,” said Bernie, “and if you don't agree to this then I will take no further part in this scheme. **You** have to sing!

Serena started to say something that sounded very much like a refusal, and Bernie reached out and pressed a finger to her lips.

“I mean it....you say no and I'll walk away from this now.”

Serena tried her best glare at Bernie but finally tipped her head to one side in a gesture of defeat. Then simply said “Maybe.”

Bernie was going to argue further, however, realising that they had to get the whole thing approved first anyway, decided to save the rest of that battle until later.

After splitting up to make their own way home, they both thought about how good that day spent with each other had been. Serena found herself humming all the way home, and though how sweet Bernie had looked when she had been enthusing about the theatre. And she couldn't deny how much she had enjoyed the pressure of Bernie's finger against her lips. She blushed slightly thinking how she had very nearly kissed it. She shrugged, and put it down to emotions that had been running high over the thought of hiring the theatre. She did feel very happy though that she and Bernie seemed to be developing a great friendship.

Bernie meantime had raced home, hoping for a quick nap before having to shower and head off to work. Unfortunately too many thoughts were racing around her brain for her to properly sleep. And the main thought that was whirling it's way from her subconscious to her conscious mind was how attractive she found Serena, and how she loved spending time with her and how she really, really did not want to mess up what seemed to be great friendship forming on the horizon. Trouble was she knew how hard that could be when 'extra' feelings started making their way in, under the radar. The past 12 months had been so hard in both her professional and personal life, and suddenly there was a light at the end of a tunnel in the shape of Serena Campbell. She was going to have to do a damn good job of locking those extra feelings far away, and such was her hope for a best friend at last, that she had no doubt she could manage that.

When Bernie arrived at work on Monday morning, she found Serena already in the office, and she beamed at Bernie as she walked through the door.

“Come in, sit down here,” as she dragged one of the spare chairs alongside her own, “I've already started to draft out the proposal to put to Hanssen. Have you had any thoughts on the sort of problems we might come up against?”

“I've thought of plenty,” Bernie said, doing her best not to shoot Serena down in flames, but needing them both to look at this logically.

“Go on then misery guts,” said Serena, still unable to keep the excitement out of her voice, or the twinkle out of her eye. “Do your worst.”

So Bernie started off by being positive about a couple of things. The manager at the Crescent had agreed to a 50% reduction in the hire cost, as they were hoping they might attract some of the businessmen to hold conferences there. They also agreed that they could bring in their own alcohol such as wine or champagne, but anything bought from the bar would be full price, no reduction. They were also willing to offer a deal if Holby used their caterers. They were also happy for Bernie to provide her expertise backstage, but insisted that anyone else needed for lighting and sound would have to be one of their own people and would have to be paid a fee.

Then Bernie started on the negatives. Supposing they _could_ get enough people from the staff to perform it would take a lot of sweet talking and careful planning of rotas to make sure that patient care wasn't compromised, or that hiring agency staff to cover didn't blow the budget. And wouldn't just be for the night in question. What about all the auditions or rehearsals, how could they organise those without huge disruptions to the working week?

As she spoke, Bernie saw some of the light go out of Serena's eyes as she leaned back in her chair and sighed. She scooted the chair a bit closer to her and forced a smile onto her face as she tentatively took hold of Serena's hand. Something about her made Bernie want to offer comfort, even though the touching and patting of folk generally didn't come naturally to her.

“I'm sorry. I know I'm being a pessimist, but you did ask me to do this.”

Serena pulled a wry face. “That's true, though you didn't have to make such a good job of it.”

“Look, just because I can see the possible pitfalls of this, doesn't mean we shouldn't give it a try. When you're in the field, in the army, you rarely had everything you needed, so you did the best with what you'd got. That and a bloody good Plan B if it all went to pot! At the end of the day we need this Trauma Unit, so if this doesn't work we think of something else.”

Serena opened her eyes and smiled as she curled her fingers through Bernie's, thinking how lucky she was to have this woman prepared to support her, even though she didn't really think it could work. It felt as if had been a long time since someone had cared that much about her, and it made her feel warm and content.

Over the next week they planned and prepared as much as they could, given that Bernie was working at the theatre every night. Finally, on the following Monday Serena and Bernie both arrived at Hanssen's office with what they believed was a valid proposal. Bernie was less sure than Serena still, she had no real experience of boardrooms and the sort of people that sat in them, pushing money around, robbing Peter to pay Paul, so she was understandably the more nervous. Serena realised this and she reached for her hand to give it a squeeze, and Bernie felt instantly comforted.

“Come on, the worst he can say is no, and he doesn't often say no to me.” Serena sounded more confident than she felt, but she wanted to make Bernie feel as if they had a fighting chance. Bernie looked at her askance and raised an eyebrow. “I'm not certain I want to know why that is.”

Serena batted her arm playfully. “Ms Wolfe! You have a dirty mind...”, and they both giggled like schoolgirls.

They were given permission to go into the office and as they stood, they both suddenly realised they were still holding hands, and they looked at each other shyly and both blushed as they let go. Hanssen greeted them both with a bemused expression on his face which caused Serena to blush even more deeply, but true to the professional that she was she soon recovered to put forward their proposal. Hanssen listened them both and asked a few questions which Serena fielded very well and on the whole they both felt fairly positive when he said he would read their report and get back to them as soon as possible, although he doubted it would be before Friday, as that was the next scheduled board meeting. As they left the office it was clear to Bernie that Serena was a little disappointed that they had to wait for a week before they would hear anything, so she nudged her gently with her elbow.

“Are you busy tonight?” she asked.

Serena shrugged her shoulders. “Not really, just the usual Monday night. Cook dinner for myself and Jason for 6.00pm on the dot, then watch a couple of game shows until Jason decides he's had enough of my company and retires to his bedroom. At which point I'll probably have too many glasses of wine and then drag myself to bed. Sounds pretty irresistible, doesn't it?”

It was on the tip of Bernie's tongue to say she would find sharing an evening like this with Serena, sounded pretty perfect in her opinion, but she managed to resist it.

“If you get Jason his dinner for 6pm, do you think you'd have time to get to the Crescent by 7.00pm? You wouldn't need to dress up or anything, I thought, if you wanted, you could come and watch it from the wings......backstage....with me?”

Serena's face lit up immediately.

“Really? I mean, I'd be allowed?” She could already feel excitement bubbling up.

Bernie nodded, relieved at how happy she looked at the prospect.

“As long as you promise to behave and not move or touch anything unless I say so.”

“I promise” and Serena impulsively gave Bernie a quick peck on the cheek. Bernie coloured slightly and she tossed her head self-consciously.

“Come on” she said, “I'm sure our presence is needed down on AAU.”

It was just after 7,00pm when Serena walked into the foyer of the theatre, thinking somewhat belatedly that she hadn't made any firm arrangements about where to meet Bernie. She was just going to try to text her in the hope of her having her phone still switched on when the door to the backstage area was thrust open and Bernie burst through, her hair looking even wilder than usual.

“Serena, I'm sorry. Have you been waiting long? A couple of last minute crises back there I'm afraid.”

“It's fine I've only just got here. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Bernie pulled Serena back through the door into the dark passageway. “It's just that one of the actors, Barbara, has caught her dress on something and it has a ruddy great tear in it. So unless you've got a needle and thread in your handbag then thank you, but no.”

“What about the wardrobe or costume people, can't they help?”

Bernie sighed.

“Pam's been called home on a family emergency and she's locked up the costume dept. We're just trying to get in touch with the manager to ask her if there's a master key anywhere, but she's not answering her phone. We're currently trying to round up enough safety pins.”

Serena suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

“Bernie, where is she, this Barbara?”

Bernie blinked a couple of times before replying. “Oh, in the women's dressing room, just here.” and she pushed open a door to reveal a mature woman pacing up and down in her slip.

“Okay,” Serena said, “you go back to whatever you need to be doing and I'll deal with this.”

Bernie was about to protest, but Serena waived her away.

“The sooner you get back on track with everything else, the sooner I can get this sorted. We'll come and tell you as soon as we're done. I've got this.”

Bernie backed out of the room muttering words like. “Okay, fine...I'll just go then.”

It was about 20 minutes later when Serena, with Barbara in tow, edged their way towards Bernie, in the wings.

“All sorted for now,” said Serena, “but it will need fixing properly tomorrow.” Barbara joined in, “It's fine, It'll certainly last the night out.”

“Thank you,” said a still bewildered Bernie, but as the curtain was due up in less than 5 minutes she decided to save her questions until she had a moment to breathe. She pushed Serena into a chair by her desk and started issuing instructions to all and sundry, including the actors waiting in the wings, and sending the cues to the lighting and sound people. Moments later the curtain rose and the play started.

Serena watched in fascination as lights went on and off or dimmed on stage, phones that were in keeping with the period rang, only to stop ringing the second they were picked up, and runners were sent to get other actors to the wings in time for their entrances. And all of this was happening at Bernie's instruction. There was the odd occasion when things didn't run exactly to plan but Bernie was always in command and responded quickly so that the audience was non the wiser to the potential slip up.

She was trying to listen and even watch what was happening on stage, but found she couldn't take her eyes off Bernie. Occasionally she would glance over at Serena and she felt embarrassed to be caught staring, thankful for the semi-darkness that hid her blushes. She knew that she was very happy with her growing friendship with Bernie, both in and out of work. What she hadn't been prepared for was her growing affection for her, which, she was beginning to suspect was pushing the boundaries of a merely platonic relationship.

As the curtain fell and the house lights came up for the interval, Bernie took a deep breath and scooted a bit closer to Serena.

“So, I'm dying to know, how did you repair that dress?”

Serena started to chuckle. “I'm only going to tell you as long as you promise not to rat me out to Hanssen.”

Bernie stared at her with her mouth open.

“I'd taken a suture needle and some 4-0 polypropylene home, because Jason really wanted me to explain how sutures are used, and in the rush to get here I'd forgotten to take them out of my bag.”

Bernie's signature honking laugh rang out before she could stop it, and a number of the backstage staff rolled their eyes as she stuffed her hand over her mouth in an effort to mute the sound. Serena stifled her laughter too, and wiping the tears from her eyes she asked Bernie what her Plan B would have been had she not turned up. Bernie reached under the props table and brought up a large roll of duct tape, which caused another fit of the giggles, making them shake with the effort of holding them inside. When they had calmed down a bit, Bernie couldn't resist asking her if she was enjoying herself.

Serena grinned. “Really, really enjoying the whole experience. It's so fascinating the way it all comes together, in spite of the frantic comings and goings back here.”

“Are you implying that I don't run a tight ship?” asked Bernie, teasingly.

“Good grief no,” spluttered Serena and then caught sight of the smirk on Bernie's face, and gave her a shove.

“Is it okay if I go and stretch my legs a little? I promise I won't venture too far.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, and got up to go and check that things were okay with the actors, while Serena headed off in the other direction to the workshop at the back, being careful not to touch anything. She was lost in her thoughts, feeling that she was only just seeing Bernie as others might see her. At the hospital it was all about respect for each others skills and making thing run as efficiently as possible. They had their disagreements and differences in approach to treating patients and staff, but they managed to keep it on a professional level, and there was an almost imperceptible agreement between them that, at the end of the day co-lead or not, it was still Serena that had the final say. Bernie always seemed to have a shell that she retreated into as if warning others not to get too close, that she needed, to keep herself distanced from others. But here, in this environment she seemed more relaxed and free somehow. Still very professional and disciplined, but more....fun. Serena wondered if it was because no-one here knew her personal history, unless she chose to tell them, that there was a mutual love of theatre that united them, without anyone feeling the need to explain how they ended up here.

She felt very privileged and grateful that Bernie had been willing to let her into her private world and vowed she would never betray that trust. She suddenly had a lump in her throat, and could feel tears pricking at her eyelids as she acknowledged just how much she valued Bernie's friendship.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't hear someone else enter the room, and when they coughed to signal their presence, she visibly jumped as she turned around.

There was a man standing there that she recognised as one of the actors from the play, Mr Maule was his character's name if she remembered rightly, but she had no idea of his real name.

“I'm so sorry to have startled you,” he said, “I didn't realise you were so preoccupied. You're a friend of Bernie's I believe? I'm Charles.” and he held out his hand.

Serena smiled as she shook his hand, “I'm Serena,” she said. “Don't worry about it, I was thinking. I probably jumped because I was uncertain about whether I was allowed in here. Guilty conscience I guess.”

“So, how do you know Ms Wolfe, childhood friend, work colleague?”

“I work with Bernie, we're both surgeons at Holby City Hospital.”

“I must pay Holby a visit then, if all the doctors there are as attractive as yourself and Bernie.” Charles was laying on the flattery a little too thickly for Serena's comfort, and she gave him a knowing look.

“Quite the charmer aren't you?” She paused for a moment. “Bernie seems quite popular around here, doesn't she?”

“Oh she is, she is. Quite a few of the younger members of staff and cast have a little bit of a crush on her.....boys and girls.” He felt amused as he saw a look (jealousy?) flash across Serena's face.

“Does that include you?” Serena asked, somewhat abruptly.

Charles laughed, “Oh, I do very much admire Ms Wolfe, but like her, I bat for the other side.” He very theatrically put his hand to his throat, “Oh, I do hope I haven't let the cat out of the bag, you were aware she is...?”

“Gay? Bi? Yes of course I did.” Serena couldn't keep the tartness out of her voice.

Charles twisted his mouth into a smirk. “At the risk of sounding like a copy-cat, does that include you?”

For a moment Serena didn't follow his train of thought and then, when the penny dropped, she blushed.

“No....I mean why, why would you even ask that?” Serena sounded very flustered.

Charles came closer to her. “I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, and please don't think I was judging you in any way. Lord, that would really be the pot calling the kettle black, darling. I just watched you watching her that's all, the fact that you try to make sure she never notices. And she does the same to you too, it's so sweet. I'm guessing you have deeper feelings than you're letting on, and that maybe this is all new to you?”

Serena drew a shaky breath and was just about to tell Charles to get lost, when the door was flung open and Bernie was standing there, a furious look on her face.

“Charles..and Serena, we're about to raise the curtains on the second act and I had no idea where the hell you were!”

Charles sauntered past, that smirk still plastered on his face.

“Keep your lovely hair on Bernie dear, you know I'd never miss my cue, I'm much too professional for that.”

Serena hurried over, apologising, and Bernie gave her a brief smile and nod of the head before she turned and followed Charles, with Serena bringing up the rear. She resumed her seat by Bernie's desk, but if truth be told she paid very little attention to the rest of the play, or what was going on backstage. Noticing how quiet and withdrawn she had become, Bernie was convinced that she had upset her with her outburst and resolved to explain who her curt tone and anger had been for once the play was over.

But Serena's silence had very little to do with Bernie, at least nothing to do with what she had said. She was brooding on Charles' words, and was worrying that if he, a virtual stranger had noticed something in the way she had been looking at Bernie, then maybe this _was_ more than friendship. And if that was the case, then how long before other people, people at the hospital noticed too. Possibly they already had, and they were thinking she was an old fool, desperate for affection. And Bernie, she didn't need people whispering about her again, she'd already gone through all of that right at the beginning when someone had found out the reason for her divorce. What had started out as an exciting night with a friend, had turned into a sort of nightmare, one that she couldn't wake herself up from.

 

 

 


	2. The show will go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena grow closer, and They both learn of new talents of the Holby staff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly thank you to everyone who has taken time to comment and leave kudos. I know that every fanfic writer says it, but it does make a big difference to the way we feel about our stories. I know I have insecurities, wondering if I'm being faithful to these characters, or if I'm just annoying people with the way I that I write.  
> I'm also have had problems finding suitable places to end a chapter in this story, so I apologise if there are differences over the length of them. I'll try not to make them too widely different.  
> And for those who search via the ratings value.....sorry no smut yet!

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Chapter 2 : The show will go on

 

 

The play came to an end, and Serena was dimly aware of the audience clapping, and lots of activity going on around her as everyone started to clear the set, putting any fragile items into safe packaging until tomorrow. Bernie was getting concerned over how withdrawn Serena had become, and was racing to finish so that she could get her alone to try and talk to her.

She was finally done she stood in front of Serena and put her hand gently on her shoulder, not wanting to startle her.

“Serena? It's time to go.”

Serena stirred as if coming out of a trance.

“What? Oh..yes. I'm sorry. I.....was...thinking.”

“You worried me. I've never seen you so quiet.” She held out her hand to help Serena to her feet, but she ignored it, and they walked to the exit in silence.

“Where's your car parked?” Bernie asked, and Serena told her she'd traveled in on the train.

“Right, come on, I'll give you a lift home.”

Serena protested and started to walk off towards the station, but Bernie moved quickly to stand in front of her, and she grasped her arm.

“Serena, I have no idea what happened during that interval, although I'm willing to take a guess, but if you think that I'm going to let you walk off without us discussing what went wrong, then you're very much mistaken. If you want to have this conversation here in the street, that's fine, or, we can do it a little more privately in the car, but I **am** going to get to the bottom of this!”

Serena bristled, and she opened her mouth as if she was going to argue, a spark of indignation showing in her eyes at being spoken to like a child. But eventually she shrugged and finally looked Bernie in the face. “Okay. I'm..sorry Bernie...I've spoiled the evening, I know”

“Not true,” said Bernie and she hooked her arm through Serena's as they walked off towards the car park. The journey home was still mainly silent, and it wasn't until Bernie switched off the engine in front of Serena's house that she spoke.

“Did I upset you when I yelled at Charles because the interval was nearly over? Because my anger was never directed at you. It was Charles that infuriated me, he's sometimes so smug, and acts as though he's better than the other actors and definitely better than the backstage staff, who he has no respect for at all. I...I was.. _concerned_ about you, where you were, but I wasn't angry.”

Bernie took a deep breath.

“I was also bothered by what Charles may have been saying to you, but I was running out of time and didn't have chance to explain.”

Serena turned her head to look at Bernie.

“What do you mean?" Another thought came into Serena's head, that perhaps his behaviour had been to upset her on purpose. "Is he...manipulative?”

Bernie gave a derisory laugh.

“That's a polite way of putting it! My preferred term is 'shit stirrer', likes to throw things into a pot mix it up for a bit and see what comes out....just for his amusement. Most of what he says is utter rubbish but every so often he manages to hit a nerve and then sees how long it takes to see somebody crumble. He's been the reason for at least 2 young actors quitting, but management haven't been able to prove anything. He hates my guts, so I'm not surprised he had you in his sights, being my friend.”

Bernie drew another deep breath.

“Evil little man!”

Serena suddenly felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She realised he had undoubtedly seen her glancing at Bernie and probably taken a gamble on the rest of what he'd said, and she had been feeling vulnerable and a bit confused and had been caught, hook, line and sinker. She let out a sigh of relief.

“Serena? What did he say?”

“It's okay, in fact it's fine. I've been an idiot, and I'm sorry I was stupid enough to let him get to me. He's certainly very persuasive. I'm also sorry that I ruined the rest of the evening. But in spite of Charles, I did love it.” She leaned towards Bernie and gave her a little nudge with her elbow.

“I saw you in a whole different light tonight. It was very.....interesting. Maybe you could invite me again sometime, to a play that doesn't feature creepy Charles!”

They both laughed and Serena went into her house feeling 10 times better than she thought she would, less than an hour ago. And Bernie? Bernie was relieved that Serena seemed to have regained her equilibrium but still wanted to find out what game Charles had been playing.

The rest of the week at Holby followed the normal pattern. Some electives, some emergency operations and a couple of RTA's that resulted in Bernie's trauma skills being called upon on more than one occasion. She rarely operated in isolation though, often trauma victims had injuries that were life threatening in more ways than one, and needed the presence of more than one specialist surgeon, so another was often working alongside her, ready to take over once she had stabilised the patient. And the one she enjoyed working with the most was Serena, whose vascular skills often saved a badly injured limb from amputation. They worked well together, both of them sensing when to step forward or step back, and ego rarely came into play. They did occasionally disagree as to how best to proceed, but usually managed to resolve any conflict swiftly, and even though the only visible part of their faces were their eyes, they were able to convey what they were thinking with merely a glance and dip of the head. There were times though, kwhen Bernie in particular became lost in the dark brown depth of Serena's eyes and Serena would need to touch her, or clear her throat to bring her out of her daze.

On Friday morning they were both working together to save the leg of a man who had been trapped against a brick wall by a jeep when Bernie cleared her throat.

“Ahem, do..do you know when the board meeting is today? You know, about our proposal?”

“As far as I'm aware it's this morning, but Hanssen decided I shouldn't be present as I might use my charms to sway other board members” and Serena's eyes twinkled as she looked at Bernie.

“I can well believe it,” murmured Bernie, her mind and heart racing at the thought of Serena's charms.

Serena continued, “Why, are you as eager as I am to hear the answer, or are you dreading it?”

Bernie shook her head. “It's simply that as it's the last night of the play, this evening, I know the Chairman and the theatre manager will be there, and although we have a provisional yes, I'd quite like to shake on it and set a definite date if we get the go ahead from Henrik.”

There was a break in their chatter as Serena finished a particularly tricky piece of suturing.

“There, blood supply re-established....over to you Ms Wolfe.”

“Why thank you Ms Campbell, a beautiful piece of work if I may say so?”

“Of course you may,” and they both had a small fit of giggles, before Bernie composed herself quickly to carry on with the repair to the leg.

As Serena removed her surgical gloves she asked Bernie when her shift started tomorrow.

“Not until 6pm. Why?”

“I just thought that if we do get a yes today, perhaps I could come to the theatre again tonight...to watch from the auditorium this time. And then, maybe , we could have a drink in the bar afterwards and possibly tackle the chairman together? After all who could resist the charms of both of Holby's Serena Campbell.and Ms Berenice Wolff ?”

Bernie raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?....I mean after Monday?”

“I'm sure,” said Serena, “it'll be fun to be part of audience, especially as I'll know the chaos that's going on in the wings!”

and with a swing of her hips she walked out, before Bernie could make any coherent protest at the slur on her stage management credentials.

Apart from the jubilant moment when Hanssen gave them a cautious yes to the Talent of Holby show, the rest of their day consisted of mainly catching up with paperwork, and they were both relieved when they managed to finish their shifts on time. Bernie arranged to pick Serena up  from her house just after 6.00pm, so she could get Jason his tea first. It was just after 6.30pm then,when they arrived at the theatre. Bernie went immediately to the ticket office to ask for a complimentary ticket, but Serena pushed her aside.

“No, I am paying the full whack for my ticket,” and she put her hand up as Bernie started to protest.

“Look, all places like this, places where the arts still survive, struggle, like the NHS, to find funds at the moment. I can afford to pay, so I will. In fact, I intend to become a 'friend' of the theatre so I can help to ensure it's continuing existence.” She looked at Bernie and winked.

“Can't have my best friend losing her sole interest outside of work, can I? Every girl needs a hobby!”

Hearing Serena describe her as her best friend made Bernie's stomach churn, in a good way, and she gave her such a look of affection that Serena felt as if her legs would buckle underneath her. A state of affairs that did not improve when Bernie bent closer and asked teasingly, “And what's your hobby.....outside of work Ms Campbell?”

Fighting every urge to blurt out “You!”, Serena grinned awkwardly and responded with “Shiraz.”

Bernie let fly with her signature 'honk' of a laugh and reached for Serena's hand and gave it a squeeze.

“I'll see you in the bar after the performance okay?”

Serena nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and smiled, feeling quite a sense of loss as Bernie let go of her hand and darted through the door to the backstage area.

Sitting in her seat watching the play, Serena had a new found respect for the actors on the stage. Having met most of them, however briefly, on Monday evening, she knew that the majority of them were just simple, ordinary people who had a passion for the theatre. That, coupled with what was definitely a talent and a need to perform, meant they weaved a little bit of magic for those who wanted to escape the stresses and strains of their normal lives. Even Charles, who she was sure aspired to much higher things than working in an amateur production, was able to shake off his rather smug and, in Catherine's opinion, repellent personality to turn himself into a nervous and besotted playwright.

She also now knew the backstage staff were integral to every performance, and took great delight picturing Bernie and her crew organising every entrance and exit with military precision. And the warm glow she felt in the pit of her stomach when she thought of Bernie caused her to squirm a little in her seat.

As the curtain came down for the final time, Serena clapped as loudly and as long as she could, only ceasing as the house lights came up. She made her way to the bar to wait for Bernie's arrival, ordering a red wine for herself and a single shot of malt whisky for Bernie, knowing that just one would mean she was still okay to drive home. It was 30 minutes later that she saw Bernie coming up the stairs (Serena was already on her second glass of wine) and smiled to herself as she watched her easy movements as she wove her way towards her. There was a moment when Bernie stopped to speak to Charles, and Serena worried that he would divulge his comments from the other night. But the grim look on her face and the way that Charles cast his eyes down before flickering them in her direction, told her that Bernie was probably just warning him off any further contact with herself. Bernie also stopped to speak with another gentleman on the way, and brought him over to meet her, Mr Roy Clarke, who was the chairman of the board. After a few minutes pleasant conversation, with Serena being very complimentary about the Crescent, they agreed on a date for the Holby show, which was only 6 weeks hence. Bernie had watched with awe, marveling at how relaxed Serena was when meeting new people, when all she wanted to do was hide in a corner. As he turned to go and chat with other members of the cast, Bernie looked at Serena and raised her eyebrows as she reached for the whisky that was waiting for her.

“I wasn't going to drink anything,” she said, “but just 6 weeks is such a scary thought, I need something to fortify me !”

Serena smiled, “Maybe I should buy you another.”

Bernie shook her head, “Not unless you fancy walking home, or waiting in a queue at the taxi rank.”

As they walked back to the car park Serena told her how much she had enjoyed the show and Bernie admitted that she was relieved that the run was now over as she was pretty exhausted. They then fell into an easy silence which lasted until Bernie pulled up outside Serena's house.

“Would you like to come in?” asked Serena, suddenly blushing as she realised she only had to add the words 'to see my etchings' for it to sound like the cheesiest chat up line ever.

Bernie gave her a fond smile before she answered.

“I'd love to but....I'm really knackered, and I need to try and sleep for as long as I can if I stand any chance of staying awake during my shift tomorrow evening. Actually,” she said, looking at the clock on the dashboard, “make that later today!”

The silence that fell again, now seemed a little more awkward.

“See you on Monday then?” asked Serena.

“No, not until Tuesday, need a little time to recover after working 6 straight shifts in a row, as well as every evening backstage”

Serena nodded and made to open the car door when Bernie caught hold of her arm.

“Serena?” Bernie took a deep breath. “I don't think I ever thanked you properly for getting Hanssen invested in this Trauma Unit, or for offering me the opportunity to co-lead with you. I really, really appreciate it.”

Serena felt her head whirling slightly and she looked at Bernie noticing how dark her eyes seemed in the orange glow from the streetlights.

“It...err..made sense to me, I...I think we make a good team don't you? Especially in theatre.”

Bernie's voice faltered slightly as she attempted to inject some humour to lighten the mood, “Hmm, w..which theatre?”

They were both suddenly acutely aware that Bernie still had her hand on Serena's arm and was stroking it very gently with her fingers, and they gradually seemed to be drifting towards one another when the door to the house opened and Jason stood there in his pyjamas.

“Auntie Serena, are you coming in? It's very late and you've been sitting there for ages.” he shouted loudly.

The spell, or whatever it was, was broken and Serena sighed as Bernie dropped her hand down, and she opened the car door.

“I'm just coming Jason, go back inside before you catch cold. I'll make you a hot chocolate in a moment.”

“The only man I can ever imagine Ms Campbell doing as she's told, for,” teased Bernie.

“You could be right there,” replied Serena, “See you Tuesday.” and she walked up the drive to her house. As she closed and locked the door behind her couldn't help thinking that she'd probably do as she was told if a certain woman asked, too.

 

The next few days were extremely busy for both of them. On top of their 'day jobs' they both had to spend a lot of their spare time trying to put in place the necessary arrangements for the show.

Serena was taken up with making lists and approaching staff about a chance to perform, even willing to resort to blackmail if she thought they were good enough. And however tentative any agreements were, she also had to approach their heads of department to make sure that they would be prepared to let them off duty for at least 48 hours over the weekend of the show. She had already resigned herself to the fact that she and Bernie would probably have to forgo their lunch breaks over the next few weeks as any rehearsals would have to take place at the hospital.

Bernie meanwhile was trying to recruit some of her pals from the theatre to give up some spare time to working either backstage or front of house over that weekend, so that there would people she could rely on in a crisis if things started to go wrong on the night. The only incentive she could offer was a night out, from her own pocket, to include a meal and as much alcohol as she deemed fit. She decided that she needed 6 minimum and ideally 10, so she had a lot of favours to call in. She had also agreed to organise the caterers and the booze, but had to wait on numbers for those, as well as Serena's recommendations over the choice of alcohol. She had no doubt that Shiraz would feature high on that list.

By the end of the week they were both a bit frazzled and needed to spend a little longer than the odd 15 minutes to catch up with where they were with everything, so, after checking with Jason, Serena invited Bernie to come to lunch on Sunday so that they could discuss things in detail after they'd eaten.

At approximately 1pm on Sunday it was Jason who opened the door to Bernie and gave her one of his beaming smiles. He saluted and stood back to let her in.

“Major Wolfe, welcome to our home.” He paused after closing the door. “Is that the correct way to address you?”

Bernie grinned, “Only if you're in the army, Jason. These days I much prefer Bernie.”

“Okay, that suits me too. I would feel I had to salute you every time I saw you otherwise.”

As they walked into the lounge, Jason continued to talk to Bernie, and Serena was listening from the kitchen.

“Auntie Serena has told me a lot about you, but I'm not sure I can believe her now that I've met you.”

Serena stiffened as she heard him say that and started to walk towards the lounge in case she had to interrupt him before he embarrassed her and Bernie.

“Why...why is that Jason?” Bernie asked, a little warily.

“Well, I think your hair is a lot better than she described for one.”

Bernie burst out laughing, her 'honk' noise startling Jason for a moment, and Serena strode into the room and interrupted.

“Jason!”

Due to her embarrassment she ended up sounding sharper than she'd intended and was then mortified to see the troubled look on his face.

“I've said the wrong thing haven't I?” and he turned to walk out of the door.

Bernie gently touched his arm.

“It's okay Jason. Your aunt is right about my hair. But today, well, I made an effort to at least make it look as if I'd brushed it because I knew I was going to be meeting you.”

Jason's face cleared a little.

“Is that right Auntie? Does her hair usually look worse than this?”

Serena smiled at him, and at Bernie.

“Yes Jason, it can look a lot worse. And I'm sorry I shouted, I didn't mean to.”

Jason pondered this reply.

“Then I think you need to think a bit more before you say anything. But it's okay. I think I'm going to listen to some music in my room, let me know when dinner is ready please.”

Serena turned and looked shyly at Bernie.

“I think I need to apologise to you too, I was only trying to describe you to him and...well... I didn't say it in a nasty way...I..quite like it really.”

Bernie gave her a reassuring smile.

“It's okay, it takes a lot more than that to offend me. It's.....nice to know you talk about me.”

There was a pause before Serena patted her arm and asked if she would give her a hand in the kitchen, and in a couple of minutes all the awkwardness had gone as they worked together to bring Sunday lunch to the table.

A couple of hours later, feeling very full from a delicious meal, Jason returned to his room after supervising the loading of the dishwasher with Bernie. Serena caught her eye and smiled, and after he had gone she commented that although it seemed a bit over the top, he had worked out how to get the best clean from it, and she knew that she did need to involve him more in the day to day chores that had to be done.

Bernie nodded. “I bet that's hard for you though. I don't imagine you like having your way of doing things challenged by anyone.”

Serena raised an eyebrow and simply said it probably depended on who you were prepared to let into your life. Difficult as it could be, she didn't think she could imagine life without him now, didn't want to imagine it really.

The dining room table cleared they sat down with their plans so far for the show, Serena's was on a spread sheet on her laptop, and Bernie's on a myriad bits of paper. They dealt with Bernie's side of things first as it was much easier to plot how far along she was, and for all the scribbles and jottings, Serena was quite impressed with what she had achieved in a short space of time. When they turned to her work in progress, it was clear that things weren't as clear cut. There were a few people that she'd approached who said yes, but not nearly enough to make up an hour of entertainment. Serena turned to Bernie.

“It's not going to work is it? You were right, there are too many 'ifs and buts'. Why did I think this was a good idea?” 

She leant forward, her head in her hands.

To Serena's amazement, Bernie chuckled.

“What a drama queen! Has anyone ever told you that you should be on the stage? You don't have to be _quite_ so melodramatic!” and she awkwardly patted Serena's back.

Serena glared at her.

“So, Major, how would you solve this?”

Bernie looked at the list again.

 

_Dominic Copeland + Lofty (Ben Chiltern)_

_Sacha (Essie?)_

_Fletcher_

_Choir from Paediatrics_

_Oliver Valentine_

 

She thought for a moment.

“It looks as though Dom and Lofty will only perform as a double act, do you have any idea what they are doing?”

“Well, Lofty is the driving force here, he thinks they should dress up as Laurel and Hardy and perform the song 'On the trail of the Lonesome Pine', which I guess is a pretty good fit for them really, Dom as Hardy and Lofty as Stan Laurel.”

Bernie snorted, and Serena continued.

“Lofty has a really good singing voice, so I think they could carry it off.”

“Well if Lofty is that good why not encourage him to do another number on his own later on in the programme?”

Serena nodded, a bit more enthusiastically.

“Okay, any other ideas?”

They poured over it a little longer, agreeing that if Sacha was going to do his magic act, then perhaps Essie would consider being his glamourous assistant, and that the choir, could also do two songs. Apparently Fletcher had allowed himself to be talked into performing 'You've Gotta Pick a Pocket or Two” from 'Oliver' and Bernie had the great idea of using his children to act with him. Mikey would make a wonderful 'Artful Dodger'.

Oliver Valentine was apparently a very competent guitarist, though steadfastly refused to sing, but as Bernie pointed out it would make for a bit more variety. They even joked around asking Henrik Hanssen to perform on his Theremin, but Serena decided it would be a very dark day in hell before she considered inflicting that on everyone.

“Of course,” said Bernie quietly. “There is **one** glaring omission at the moment.”

“Who? Do you think you know someone I haven't thought of?”

Serena was almost daring Bernie to say she knew the staff better than she did.

“You,” said Bernie simply.

Serena started to protest but Bernie held up her hand.

“Serena, false modesty does not become you. I heard you sing, your voice is amazing _and_ without a microphone I may add, and I stated at the very beginning of this that you singing was a condition of my helping out. So just say no, and I'll walk away now.”

Serena groaned.

“I just don't know if it's a good idea...I mean, I have a position to maintain, I can't look a fool in front of people who I'm in charge of, not to mention the members of the board!”

Bernie turned to face Serena and she reached out and took her hand.

“Then think of your fellow performers, who are risking just as much as you, if not more. You're already where you want to be. Most of these,” and she gestured towards the list, “are still hoping to be taken seriously to get to the top, even if they struggle and fall short of perfection here. They must consider what _we_ are trying to achieve to be worth it.” She curled her fingers through Serena's.

“I promise you, you have a voice that is every bit as beautiful as you...and..and in my humble opinion, you'll steal the show.”

They gazed at each other and Serena felt as if something had shifted between them, but she couldn't put a finger on it, just knew the sensation of her hand in Bernie's felt so calming she didn't want her to let go. Slowly she smiled and nodded very briefly and Bernie's face broke into a grin. They loosed hands (reluctantly on Serena's part) and set about sorting out how to arrange it so that there would be the occasional time during the working day for rehearsals (probably on the roof if it was dry). They both resigned themselves to the knowledge that they would be eating any lunch they had time for whilst on the move! Once they had things as sorted as far as they could, they both moved to the sofa to try and relax for a short while. Serena had noticed that Bernie was moving rather stiffly, and suspected that leaning over the table had not done her back any favours. She persuaded her to put her feet up onto the sofa and she pushed a firm cushion into the small of her back to help support it. Bernie grumbled as Serena moved to a rather unforgiving armchair to sit down.

“I can't relax at all watching you perched on what looks a very uncomfortable chair, especially after cooking such a lovely dinner. Unless you come and sit over here I shall go home.” and Bernie made to carefully swing her legs onto the floor.

“Wait, wait,” huffed Serena, scrambling to her feet, “leave your legs there, I'll fit around you somehow” and she sat down trying to find a comfortable spot.

Bernie watched with an amused look on her face, until she could take no more of her squirming, and she hooked an arm around Serena's waist and pulled her further up the sofa so that her back was resting against Bernie's upper body.

“Come on Campbell, Get your feet up as well, I think there's room enough for two.”

As Serena made herself comfortable, she wondered if Bernie could hear how loudly her heart was beating, thinking that she'd ask to take her pulse any minute. She switched on the television as a distraction and found a very old musical of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers was playing, and after checking that Bernie didn't mind, she gradually started to relax as she watched. A warm safe feeling seemed to envelop her as her eyes start to close and she drifted off to sleep.

Bernie meanwhile had realised that she hadn't really thought through the whole lying next to each other scenario. She'd left her arm curled around Serena's waist to try and make her feel safe, being right on the edge of the sofa, and now, as Serena's breathing slowed, it felt like the most exquisite form of torture ever devised. She was transfixed by the gentle rise and fall of her chest and she loved the feeling of Serena's head resting against her, her hair tickling the crook of her neck, and she yearned to bend her own head down to plant a kiss on those soft locks. Gradually her breathing mirrored Serena's and her eyes grew heavy as she too succumbed to a Sunday afternoon siesta.

The next thing either of them was aware of was a loud voice, saying “Auntie Serena, Auntie Serena, are you going to sleep all day? It's nearly time for tea!”

Bernie was the first to react, born of all those years in the army when she needed to be awake as fast as possible when an alarm sounded, but as Serena was effectively lying on top of her she couldn't move properly without risking dumping her onto the floor. Serena was taking a long time to surface and her first reaction was to snuggle even closer to Bernie, giving a little contented moan as she did.

“Serena!” hissed Bernie, trying to shake her lightly, “wake up, please...Jason's waiting.”

Serena came to with a start then, and looked a Jason who had a cross expression on his face.

“ 'm sorry Jason,” she mumbled, “just give me a minute.” and she tried to push away from Bernie, whose arm was still curled around her waist as it had gone to sleep and she couldn't move it to any great degree.

“Why are you lying on top of Bernie anyway?” Jason asked. “She doesn't look at all comfortable. And as neither of you are moving very fast I'm going to make myself a cup of tea while you sort yourselves out.”

And rather petulantly, Jason marched into the kitchen.

Serena and Bernie were both rather red-faced by this time, and Serena finally free from Bernie's arm sat upright her feet now firmly on the floor.

“I'm...um...I'm sorry,” said Serena, not looking at Bernie, “are..are you alright? I haven't made your back worse have I?”

“I'm fine,” said Bernie, also not meeting Serena's eye, and trying to massage some life back into her arm. “I, I should be going......as soon as I can get my arm to feel as if it's part of me again.” Bernie risked a small smile as she flicked her eyes towards Serena.

Serena turned and started to rub Bernie's arm as well.

“I'm not sure it's much consolation, but you...you make a very comfortable pillow,” and she smiled shyly and her hand stilled on Bernie's arm.

Their eyes met and they were still gazing at each other when Jason came stomping back into the room.

“Are you still just sitting there? If we don't have tea soon I will miss that natural history programme that's on this evening!”

Bernie finally had the strength to push herself up off the sofa, and she walked over to the table to collect the notes she'd brought with her, apologising to Jason for delaying his tea as she did. Serena walked with her to the front door.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You're welcome to stay for tea as well, if you'd like to?”

Bernie shook her head.

“I've already upset Jason's routine enough for today. I think I should go. But..thank you, for lunch and....and making me feel..at home...feel welcome.”

“Anytime,” said Serena quietly, “I've enjoyed your company.”

“Ditto” said Bernie, and trying to lighten the moment she smiled, “ in spite of the dead arm!”

Serena rolled her eyes and felt her face flush again.

“See you tomorrow,” and pointing to the papers tucked under Bernie's arm, she added, “ready for the fray!”

As Serena closed the door behind Bernie she sighed. It was wonderful to have found such a friend in Bernie, and in spite of their many differences she was sure that this friendship was one that could last for many years to come. If, she acknowledged to herself, if she could stop the wild fancies that seemed determined to surface when she spent time in close proximity to her. Just another symptom of the menopause she decided, and the fact that there hadn't been anyone in her life for quite a while that she felt she could rely on. No, what she wanted and needed most in her life at the moment was a good friend, a best friend, and she was hoping so much that Bernie felt the same.

Bernie was driving home with similar thoughts whirling around in her head. She had always had problems expressing her real feelings even to herself, and she knew that this fault had contributed in no small way to the collapse of all of her special relationships...with Marcus, with Alex, and even with her children. She was always so scared of hurting people that mattered to her, scaring them away if she showed them how she was truly feeling. She was certain that if she let Serena have any idea how deeply she was affected by her, then that would end their chance of a true friendship forever. And at this point in her life, she needed a good friend, a best friend more than anything else. So burying those extra feelings wasn't something she wasn't used to doing and it seemed a small price to pay, when she could gain so much.

 

 


	3. There's no business like show business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the fundraiser arrives. Will it all go to plan, or will there be a few surprises along the way?  
> You bet there will!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken longer than I'd hoped to get posted. I'm blaming it on my fingers being too cold to type through lack of heating. But it's all fixed now so I have no more excuses.  
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos, and I've had some really lovely comments that are spurring me on.

 

Chapter 3 : There's no business like show business

 

 

The following few weeks were extremely busy for Serena and Bernie, and Serena in particular was fairly pleased with the progress they were both making towards the show. They had been successful in recruiting those members of staff that Serena had already identified and had held some very informal auditions to make sure that they were of sufficiently high a standard to justify the ticket price. The use of the roof as a place of escape for anyone hoping for a crafty fag, or a few minutes away from a difficult situation, dropped considerably, as more often that not it was commandeered by Serena (and sometimes Bernie) for ad hoc rehearsals. Bernie had even marked out with a can of spray paint, an area that was roughly the size of the stage at the Crescent, so they could practice their routines and movements and even the walking on and off.

After watching Dom and Lofty rehearse one lunch hour, Bernie agreed with Serena about asking Lofty to do a solo, as his voice was good enough (although not in Serena's league as far as Bernie was concerned) and he seemed to be confident when performing. When Serena spoke to him about it he nodded, a little shyly, and said he'd once starred as Joseph, as in Joseph and His Technicolour Dreamcoat when he was in college and thought he could still remember the words to 'Any Dream will Do'. Bernie interrupted to say that she knew they had a 'coat of many colours' in the costume department, as they'd put that show on last year and so it was agreed that Lofty would perform it as his second song.. Serena breathed a sigh of relief at having organised another 'turn' and then looked at Bernie, who seemed a little apprehensive.

“What? Don't you think he can pull it off? I wish you'd said before we agreed it with him! What's the problem?”

“No, I'm sure he'll be fine, but there is someone else who could carry off two performances, and probably have a little more wow factor. Trouble is I think they'll be difficult to convince.”

“Point me in their direction. I'd like to see them resist the Campbell charm!”

Bernie huffed slightly, and a smirk appeared on her face.

“Don't think that's going to work, sorry.”

“Why? I do have considerable assets I can bring into play you know.”

“I don't doubt it,” Bernie was now grinning, pressing her lips together tightly to avoid laughing out loud, “but it still won't make any difference, because it's ...you.”

“What?!! No.. no... NO! I can't possibly work on another song, I'm petrified enough as it is. If I sing my first song and they don't like it, I'll get booed off the stage when I try to inflict another one on them.”

“Just use that Campbell charm you've been telling me about.” countered Bernie, her eyes twinkling as she saw how flustered Serena was.

“Oh Lord.....Bernie, please tell me you're not serious?”

“Deadly serious,” said Bernie. “I thought that as you're doing the opening number, it would round it off perfectly if you were the last to perform as well?”

Bernie tipped her head to one side and looked at her with an expression that Serena could only describe as like a little puppy dog.

Serena rolled her eyes and sighed.

“I'll think about it, okay? I'm not making any promises but if I can think of two songs that I think will be acceptable, I'll....consider it.”

To try and convince Serena that she really would be fine to take this on, Bernie decided to kill two birds with one stone and invited her along to the night out that she'd planned for the theatre staff who'd offered to help her out with the show. She'd promised them a meal and a drink somewhere of their choosing, and they all decided that they'd be more than happy with a pub that served bar snacks like burgers, but that also put on a karaoke evening. It took a little searching on line, but Bernie managed to find one not too far from the city centre and thought how perfect it would be to encourage Serena to get up in front of others and just have some fun.

So Bernie happy to agree to be the designated driver picked up Serena at 7.00pm to meet up with the 9 others at the pub at 7.30. If they arrived a little early she could get Serena started on the wine, to help loosen her up a bit. Serena  _ was _ apprehensive but by the time the karaoke started at 9.00, with 3 or 4 glasses of wine to the good, she was feeling more than ready to join in. The rest of the crowd from the theatre were good company and very friendly, so after Brandon, from the lighting and sound team, had got up and done a very creditable take on Michael Jackson's hit Billie Jean, Serena decided to have a go. She went up to speak to the DJ in charge of the karaoke machine and Bernie's jaw nearly hit the floor as she launched into Dancing Queen by Abba. Her voice, of course, was excellent but what made Bernie's eyes open wide were all the poses she struck as she sang. The crowd were loving it, singing along and some of them joining in with the dance moves. When she finished there was applause and whistles, and Serena returned to her seat, her face flushed, but grinning wildly. She grabbed Bernie's hand

“That was so much fun,” she panted, “why have I never tried this before?”

Bernie was also laughing and she nudged her with her elbow.

“I told you, you're a natural. Didn't think you'd be singing Abba though, saw you more as a Whitney girl, a good ballad.”

“No-one wants to listen to a ballad on a fun night out, and anyway, I have a very eclectic taste in music I'll have you know. And I did go to see the stage show of Mama Mia three times.....don't judge!”

This last remark was in response to Bernie's eyebrows soaring to the top of her head.

“It was Elinor that loved it really, but I did find it very entertaining. And if you think that's a bit over the top, don't ask me how many times I've seen 'The Rocky Horror Show, film and theatre!'” Bernie opened her mouth and Serena gave her, her very best mock glare.

“I said don't!”

The rest of the evening passed swiftly with a fair amount of alcohol being consumed by all present, barring Bernie. She was always quite happy to be the alcohol free person in a group these days, didn't like the feeling of being out of control. It had been slightly different when she had been moving up the ranks in the army, always up for showing the men she could handle her liquor, beating them at their own game. Later on though it had sometimes been a way to deal with the more harrowing injuries they had come up against in the operating theatre, a means that allowed her to be able to sleep. Those times seemed far away now, although the memories would never leave her. She was also only too aware of where losing your inhibitions could take you........into the arms of Alex for one.

But she loved watching others, particularly Serena, when they reached the 'merry' stage. Here she saw yet another side to Serena's character. Gone was the deputy CEO of Holby who insisted on things being done by the book, and more importantly 'her' way, and in her place was a glimpse of a younger Serena, one who was slightly hedonistic, not afraid of being thought foolish and who projected an air of mischief and...fun. How she must have captivated Edward, and how stupid he must have been to throw away the chance of spending the rest of his life with this woman. Bernie's breath caught in the back of her throat as she thought how wonderful she would feel if she got to spend the rest of her life working alongside her.

“Penny for them?” Serena spoke close to Bernie's ear, starling her out of her reverie.

“Oh,....I was thinking...I may have to be the party pooper, and get you back home before Jason starts to worry.”

Serena pulled a face and sighed.

“Yes I know you're right, but.....just one more song for me?”

Bernie nodded and then pulled her back as Serena headed for the DJ.

“As long as I can choose it?” and she pursed her lips, challenging Serena to refuse.

Serena grinned broadly.

“As long as I can make a stipulation too. You have to sing with me!”

“Seriously Serena, you do not want me up there singing unless you want to empty the place.” Bernie thought for a moment.

“How about if I choose one that all the group can join in with, and I'll stay up there and mouth the words.”

Serena nodded, smiling, very flattered that Bernie would put herself in the limelight just to please her. She thought once again of how many different sides there were to Ms Wolfe, and she had a feeling she'd only begun to scratch the surface.

Bernie walked over to have a small discussion with the man in charge of the karaoke machine and was relieved that her first choice of song was available, so she gestured for them all to come over to the stage. As the opening bars to the 'Time Warp' were heard, Serena shrieked with glee, and thrust the microphone into the hands of Brandon, as she grabbed Bernie by the wrist.

“Thank you! But you're definitely staying here and dancing with me, so don't try and escape!”

Bernie blanched at those words, and was still trying to wriggle free of Serena's grasp when the rest of the group crowded round her and Serena, to make sure she couldn't. Serena held onto Bernie's hands and put them onto her own hips, backing in to her,  _ and,  _ so that Bernie couldn't put any great distance between them, she reached backwards with her own hands until they were grasping Bernie's backside, so that there was hardly a sliver of air between their bodies. At the words 

' _ But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane....... _ ' 

Serena pushed back into Bernie's groin area and then rotated her hips around, her firm grip on Bernie's bum making sure that Bernie followed suit. If it hadn't been for the rest of the group around them all performing similar moves, Bernie felt sure she would have fled the stage, dragging Serena with her, but decided to ride it out, hoping that the bright red flush on her face would be mistaken for physical effort, rather than the arousal she was feeling from having this gorgeous woman's body pressed so close to hers. She even began to relax a little and get caught up in the performance, especially as many of the audience were also on their feet joining in. As the last notes died away everyone in the place started clapping and stamping their feet in appreciation as they all stumbled back to their seats.

“Great choice,” whispered Serena and Bernie felt a tingle run down her spine.

This time when Bernie reminded Serena of Jason, she simply nodded, slightly breathless, but her eyes shining brightly as she gathered her things together. She was still on a high and could scarcely believe how good Bernie's backside had felt when she had grabbed hold of it, almost wishing the song had gone on longer. Most of the group elected to stay a little longer so Bernie left a generous pot of money at the bar meaning that they could carry on enjoying themselves for as long as they wished. She helped Serena into her car, as she was a  _ little _ unsteady, and, in no time at all it seemed, they were pulling up in front of Serena's house.

“At the risk of being rejected for a second time,” Serena said, “if you'd care to come inside, I'll make us both a cup of hot strong coffee!”

Bernie hesitated, “I'd love to.....”

“But?” interjected Serena.

“I have a 6am start tomorrow,” Bernie replied with a rueful smile. “I'd really, really like to accept....but.”

“Stay over,” said Serena quickly, surprising herself at those words. “I've got a spare bedroom, well, technically it's Elinors but she's not here. I...I can loan you some nightwear if you...”

Bernie hadn't said anything and Serena was beginning to feel foolish, that she'd overstepped a mark and was sounding desperate.

“Don't worry about it though, it was just a thought, I won't be offended if you say no.”

Not offended but definitely disappointed she thought, mentally chastising herself for not thinking before she had opened her mouth. Meanwhile Bernie was struggling to come up with a reason for saying no. She knew it was the sensible thing to do and she knew that Serena wouldn't be that upset if she did say no, but the lure of being close to Serena for a little longer, and in her home, was too much to resist.

“Yes.” she mumbled.

“That's fine….what? Did you say yes?”

“Yes.....if that's, you know, still okay? If you're sure? I mean, I don't want to disturb either of you when I have to get up early.” Bernie was already beginning to backtrack on her decision, but Serena would have none of it.

“How little you know me,” she said teasingly as they got out of the car and walked to the front door. “After what I've drunk tonight, hell you could be in the same bed as me and I wouldn't wake up!'

Serena paused before ushering Bernie into the hall, momentarily frozen at the words that had come out of her mouth, and she glanced at Bernie, whose face had an expression on it that she didn't fully comprehend, but which made her catch her breath.

“Auntie Serena? Is that you?” came a voice from upstairs, relieving the tension.

“Yes Jason, I'm sorry if we disturbed you.”

“That okay,” said Jason as he walked slowly down the stairs, “You're later than you said you'd be, I was just going to text you. Oh, hello Dr Bernie, I didn't realise you were here. Are you staying long ? Auntie Serena usually makes me a hot chocolate before I go to sleep, so she'll probably make you one too, before you go.”

Serena apologised to him for not letting him know where she was and walked into the kitchen, trying to find the right words to explain that Bernie was staying the night. Bernie followed and cleared her throat.

“You know, it's fine, I think I'll head home after all. Jason might find it difficult to deal with me around in the morning, I know he likes to have prior knowledge of changes to his routine.”

Serena wanted to protest, but she recognised that what Bernie said was right. She did need to warn Jason in advance if things were going to be different for him, and in all honesty she wasn't sure how well she would cope with the thought of seeing Bernie just wearing an old pair of Elinor's sleep shorts and top.

“Okay,” she said softly, “another time perhaps, when I've run it past Jason first.”

"Definitely." Bernie gave her a small smile and turned to go, then hesitated before speaking again.

“I...I had a great time tonight, and you were...brilliant. You really don't need to worry about the show. You'll be the one that they'll all remember. You have to promise me one thing though?”

Serena frowned slightly and looked at Bernie quizzically.

“ Next time give  ** me ** plenty of warning, if you're going to make me dance again!” and she chuckled.

Serena grinned too as she held the door open.

“Best part of the night in my opinion,” she said teasingly, and she gave a little contented sigh as she closed the door behind her.

The next few days at Holby were very busy, which helped dispel any awkwardness there might have been between them after their night out. Underneath they both knew that if Jason hadn't been at home then their relationship might have taken a slightly different turn, but neither of them sensed that the other was feeling the same sort of frisson when they were close to each other.

As they busied themselves with the day to day running of the ward, and the continuing rehearsals taking place on the roof, they soon fell back into the usual friendly banter they had always had. They did both try to avoid too much physical contact though, neither sure of how much touching they could take without feeling overwhelmed. This was particularly hard for Serena, who was by nature a much more tactile person, always known for stroking an arm or patting a back to show reassurance and support. The only place it didn't seem to matter was in the operating theatre, where they still worked in perfect harmony signalling their next move by looks and little touches and with very little needing to be said.

It seemed as if the day of the fundraiser arrived far too quickly, and they met at the Crescent very early on the Saturday morning, along with the stage crew, determined to get everything set up as quickly as possible so that the various acts could come and rehearse at least once on stage before the show was due to start. Bernie needed to work closely with Brandon who was responsible for the sound and lighting cues, to make sure he had the correct running order and knew exactly when to turn on the different spots. She had everyone's music sorted except Serena's, and she'd tried to hold off quizzing her about her choice of songs because she knew just how nervous she was, but it recahed a point when she had to make sure that Brandon had her music ready to play. She cornered Serena as she was organising the drinks table in the bar and asked her for the music so she could pass it on to the sound booth. Serena waved her hand dismissively in the air.

“It's fine, all sorted. I've been in touch with Brandon this week and he's already uploaded the music I want, and I've checked this morning and it's all ready. So, there's no need to worry.”

Bernie frowned and looked a little put out.

“Well, I'm glad you've been so pro-active without me, but I still need to know what you're singing.”

“Why?” said Serena. “You know I'm singing first and last so it's not rocket science for you to work out when to give the cues.”

“Yes, I understand that,” replied Bernie, a little testily, “but if you're standing on that stage, and the wrong piece of music starts, I'm assuming you'll want me to kill it before it get too embarrassing? Right?”

Serena rolled her eyes, but conceded that Bernie had a point.

Alright, I'll meet you half way. The opening song is the one I sang the day I came here with you for the first time, 'Everything's coming up Roses'. I thought it made a good introduction for the whole evening.”

She suddenly looked anxiously at Bernie. “That makes sense, right?”

Bernie agreed wholeheartedly, and Serena breathed a sigh of relief, but Bernie wasn't about to to give up.

“Come on Serena, why won't you tell me the last one?”

“Oh, I don't know, lots of reasons really. I'm worried that you'll think it should be sung by someone younger than me, or you won't even recognise it, or you won't like it, and it's too late now to change it, so I'd just be getting anxious for nothing. And...I,  I want it to be a surprise, something fresh, that you haven't seen me sing or listened to on Spotify. A way of saying thank you to you really.” And Serena blushed as she spoke.

Bernie wanted to be cross but somehow the sight of Serena looking somewhat flushed and embarrassed, made her stop, and she merely gave her a small nod before she went off to see if Dom and Lofty were ready for their dress rehearsal.

The rest of the day seemed both never-ending and over in a flash. The rehearsals went pretty well on the whole, except for Sacha realising he had left an important element to one of his tricks, at home, and had to ask Essie to pop to his house in a taxi to collect it. A task made all the more difficult, when he couldn't remember exactly where he'd left it. Bernie had to make sure all her theatre helpers knew exactly what their tasks for the evening were, and those helping front of house were sent to Serena so that she could give them their instructions, one of which i was to make sure there was a large glass of Shiraz waiting for her after the performance.

With about an hour to go they a were both feeling exhausted and more than a little nervous.

“Was I absolutely crazy to think that this was a good idea?” Serena asked. “I don't think I've ever felt so stressed in my life.!”

“You and me both,” said Bernie. “And that includes operating in a war zone, hearing gunfire that was less that a mile away. The difference being that I did at least know what I was doing, what I'd signed up for.”

They both leant against Bernie's table in the wings, and Serena rubbed Bernie's arm, then rested her head on Bernie's shoulder and sighed.

“Is this where you tell me it's all been a big mistake and you're about to disappear out of the door and leave me to tell everyone that our star performer has done a runner?” joked Bernie, loving the feeling of Serena's breath ghosting across her neck.

“Something like that.”

Serena wanted to stay nestled into Bernie's neck for the foreseeable future, but instead she pushed herself upright, and slapped her hands against her thighs.

“Oh well, duty calls and all that! Time for me to go and get ready I suppose. I'll be in the dressing room awaiting your call.”

Bernie patted her on the shoulder and then suddenly bent down to pick up a plastic bag from the side of the table.

“Serena” she called after her, “Do you think you could find a hanger for this? I can't change until nearly the end as you never know if I'll need to release a curtain, or climb up onto the catwalk to adjust a spot.”

Serena's eyes widened in amazement.

“Berenice Wolfe! Do you mean to say that you've had your outfit for this evening scrunched up inside this bag for the whole day?!”

Bernie looked sheepish as she handed it over.

“My god woman, what on earth will I do with you?” 

Serena rolled her eyes as she took the bag and then marched off to get changed, with Bernie smiling fondly at her retreating figure and swinging hips.

As Bernie turned back to check that everything on stage was in place, for the umpteenth time, she caught sight of Dom and Lofty on the other side of the stage, both of them grinning broadly in her direction and whispering to each other.

“What are you finding so amusing?” she asked tartly. “I would be concentrating more on being ready. You are the first act after Ms Campbell, remember?”

They started to walk towards her, across the stage.

“Ah, yes, Ms Campbell,” said Dom cheekily. “Such a fine figure of a woman, don't you agree Ms Wolfe?”

He smirked at the consternation showing on Bernie's face as she realised she had been caught admiring Serena's retreating figure. Fighting the impulse to physically wipe the smile off his face, Bernie decided that the best form of defence was attack, as any protestations of innocence would make her look even more foolish.

“Funny Dr Copeland, I didn't have you down as someone who appreciated the female form in all it's glory, but I do have to compliment you on your taste and keen observation skills. I'm sure Lofty would love to know more about your ability to 'turn'.”

She moved away as she saw Essie approaching, but made sure that they still heard her last remark.

“Maybe you should try practising your number acapella, just in case I lose your music cue?”

Lofty hurriedly pulled Dom away to go and get ready, and Bernie spoke to Essie, relieved to know that Sacha now had everything he needed for his performance. Bernie figured she had about 10 minutes to take some deep calming breaths before she had to call Serena and Hanssen to the stage, closely followed by Dom and Lofty.

However those few minutes disappeared when Hanssen materialised at her side carrying his theremin.

“Um....what's that doing here?” asked Bernie, nervously.

“Ah, Ms Wolfe. I was just aware that apart from Mr Valentine, we have no other musical acts without voices, and as this is rather an unusual instrument I thought it could lend an air of mystery and intrigue to the show as a whole. And I have been practising meticulously over the last 4 weeks. Shall I give you a demonstration now?”

Bernie blanched and said rather louder than she had intended, “NO, I mean, no, it would be impossible to fit this in as the running order is all set and it's timed to perfection. Excuse me one moment, I have to send a runner for the first two acts if we are to start on time.”

She swiftly sent Linda her assistant to fetch both Serena and D & L, and urged her to tell Serena to hurry as they had a crisis. When Serena arrived in the wings, followed closely by Dom and Lofty, Hanssen was still insisting that they made room for a few minutes for him to perform a very short piece. She could see Bernie was beginning to freak out and she quickly placed her hand on Henrik's shoulder and informed him they needed him to be on stage now, ready for the curtain to go up.

“Henrik,” Serena said soothingly, “Let's get your speech and my song out of the way and we can discuss this then, okay?” And pushing him forwards Serena propelled him onto the stage just as Bernie raised the curtain.

Serena turned to Bernie with a wild look in her eyes.

“What on earth can we do? He'll be the laughing stock of the board and their guests if we let him go ahead!”

“I know. And I've already tried to explain that we don't have a space to slot him into..” But as she spoke Bernie suddenly had a glimmer of an idea.

“Look, don't worry about it now. I've had a thought that might just work and you need to concentrate on your song.”

Bernie turned towards Serena and looked at her properly for the first time since she had appeared since getting changed and took in what she was wearing. She felt her heart rate soar and her mouth go dry. Serena was resplendent in a deep burgundy figure hugging dress, that finished just below the knee, showing a pair of very shapely calves, and started with a plunging V shaped neckline which showed off another lovely pair..... Bernie shook her head and tore her eyes away from Serena's body to look at her face.

“Wow! I....oh...you look...gorgeous!”

“ Are you sure?” asked Serena, nerves gripping her anew now that she was about to go on stage. “I haven't gone  _ too  _ far with the whole...?” and she waved her hand towards her cleavage.

Bernie swallowed as she fixed her eyes back on that glorious bosom and shook her head again.

“No'” she croaked, “everyone will want to fall at your feet...I would imagine.”

“Not unlike a certain trauma surgeon” she heard Dom whisper to Lofty, but Serena gave no sign that this comment had reached her ears. Hanssen was finishing his speech and was about to introduce her, and she turned to Bernie with anxious eyes. Bernie put her hand into the small of her back and put her mouth near to her ear.

“You'll be fine, I promise. You've got this!” and as she moved her head back her lips grazed her ear lobe, causing a shiver to go down Serena's spine where Bernie's hand was gently pushing her forwards.

Serena walked out on stage to polite applause and was amazed at the brightness of the spotlight which tracked her until she was standing in front of the mike. The only clear view she had was of the first few rows of seats, which appeared to be full, causing another churning feeling in her stomach. She heard the opening bars of her music and closed her eyes for a moment as she recalled standing in the same place all those weeks ago with Bernie, and she started to hum just as she had then. And suddenly, before she knew it she was singing, her melodious voice soaring out and she opened her eyes and focused them beyond the rows that she could see, directing her voice and emotions to the very back of the auditorium. It was amazing and she could feel the adrenaline coursing through her body helping her to reach those notes that she'd always been nervous of, with ease. All too soon, the last notes died away, and she was startled when she heard the applause coming in waves towards her, and.....wolf whistles?! She looked sideways towards Bernie and saw her grinning wildly, clapping like mad and saw her put her fingers to her lips and whistle once more. Serena gave a small bow to the audience and raised her hands slightly to signify that she needed a little quiet, as she introduced the next act, passing Dom and Lofty as she slipped silently into the wings. She waited for a moment for Bernie to turn round from the desk where she was checking the next set of cues, and when she did her heart started to race again as Bernie strode over to her and pulled her into a hug, her arms snaking around her back, as Serena burrowed her head into Bernie's neck and put her own arms around Bernie's waist.

Bernie took a faltering breath and whispered in her ear.

“You were....wonderful.”

Serena pulled back slightly so she could look at Bernie's face.

“I know!” she murmured gleefully, “I've never felt anything like that before, so..alive!”

They grinned at each other for a few more seconds and then they broke apart as the next two acts arrived on the side of the stage. Serena suddenly remembered about Hanssen and his theremin.

“You said you had an idea about letting Henrik perform?” she asked tentatively, and Bernie nodded. She called Linda over to take over the stage manager's duties for a few minutes and pulled Serena down to the females dressing room, where Essie was looking very glamourous in a sparkling dress and shoes. Bernie quickly asked her if she though that Sacha would be able to cope with his magic, if, instead of some generic piped music, they had Hanssen on stage providing some unusual accompaniment to his act. Essie was a little startled by the idea at first but quickly said she was fairly certain it would be okay as Sacha tended to zone out a bit when performing, and that he might be grateful for some of the focus to be shifted from himself onto Henrik. She slipped next door to check, and Serena looked at Bernie with a new found respect.

“I can tell that you're used to thinking on your feet major,” she said teasingly. “That's a masterful idea.”

Bernie winked and headed back to the wings, asking Serena to tell Essie to come and find her as soon as possible. Within 5 minutes Sacha and Essie arrived by her side, and they assured her that it was fine, Sacha grateful that he wouldn't have to keep up a running dialogue if he shared the stage with their CEO. Serena agreed to go and find Hanssen and explain to him what was going to happen. It suddenly seemed as if everything was moving along swiftly, and before they knew it Sacha, Essie and Henrik were all walking onto the stage, with Lofty carrying the theremin, and strict instructions to place it as far upstage as it could be, vainly hoping that some of the stranger rhythms and sounds it produced would be muffled by the curtains.

Sacha started his performance and Hanssen proceeded to fling his arms and hands about in a very random and reckless way producing all manner of sounds that had Serena and Bernie covering their mouths, in an effort to stifle their giggles. Henrik appeared oblivious to this, and Sacha meanwhile was wowing the rest of the audience with his slight of hand. As their performance came to an end, Hanssen bowed very deeply, picked up his instrument and strode purposefully from the stage, explaining to Bernie that he was just going to put the theremin back in his car, and would return for the final curtain. As Lofty took went on to sing his second song of the show, Bernie became aware that Serena had disappeared and Linda, and checking her running list was a little unnerved to see that after Lofty there were only two more acts before she was due to close the evening with her second song. Just as she was looking for someone else to go and search for them Serena reappeared with Linda in tow.

“Right,” she said,grabbing hold of Bernie's hand, “you need to go and get changed for the end of the show.”

“I can't right now,” Bernie replied. “I've got two more acts after this and then you're on again. I'll wait till you've finished and then dash down to the dressing room.”

“No,” said Serena firmly. “You need to go now. Henrik will want you on stage with the rest of us when he does his closing speech about why we need this trauma unit. You are the trauma surgeon – remember? You have to be visible!”

Bernie sighed. “Really? Can't I just mingle afterwards?”

Serena shook her head and dragged her away from her desk.

“Linda will cover while you're away. Go....Now!”

So Bernie dashed down to the dressing room where she peeled off her shirt and jeans, and then panicked that she hadn't brought her shoes to change into. She couldn't wear her dress with trainers, and was searching the floor under the benches around the room when she heard the door open and Serena was standing in the doorway.

“Just checking you didn't need a hand with any....” and Serena's voice tailed off as she saw Bernie on her hands and knees in just her bra and pants, and felt her breath catch in her throat, her mind and body frozen. She shook her head just to prove she could still move and put a hand to her throat.

(This is stupid, I've seen her getting changed in and out of scrubs many times, why, all of a sudden is it so hard to breathe.)

Bernie looked up and smiled, seemingly unaware of the effect she was having.

“Well, you could certainly help by trying to find my other shoes, while I slip on my dress?”

Serena nodded, wordlessly, and started to work her way around the room, glad of a reason to tear her eyes away from Bernie's body. After about 30 seconds she stood up triumphantly swinging a pair of red shoes, only to be transfixed once again at the sight of Bernie in a soft grey dress, which fitted her slender frame perfectly.

“Wow!” she croaked, “I've never seen you in anything but trousers before and you look...stunning.”

Bernie blushed slightly and seemed vaguely embarrassed and uncertain.

“It's okay? I haven't worn it for over a year, and I'd completely forgotten that its clings so much. It's not too obvious that I'm not wearing a bra is it?”

Serena swallowed noisily as she allowed her eyes to focus on Bernie's upper body.

“You..” her voice actually squeaked, and she had to clear her throat.

“Ahem.. you look fine.....more than fine, actually.”

Bernie, grabbed her shoes out of Serena's hands and pushed them onto her feet, suddenly realising that time was passing very quickly, and they both headed back to the wings.

Linda was looking somewhat agitated and she motioned to Serena, “Come on, Mr Hanssen has just gone back on stage to introduce you as the last act.”

Serena paused and took some deep calming breaths to steady herself, and as she heard Henrik mention her name she turned to look at Bernie.

“ Just for your information,” she whispered, “ _ this _ is a Dusty Springfield song.” and she grinned as she walked back onto the stage, passing the CEO, to a loud round of applause.

Bernie was grinning too as she remembered a few weeks ago when they had all been watching Morven and Arthur performing a song a karaoke night, at Albie's, before he had been diagnosed with cancer, pretending to be Sonny and Cher, and she had got the wrong artist, making everyone laugh.

The music started and Bernie was mesmerised all over again as Serena started to sing. A completely different musical style to her first one, but one which she owned just as well. Was there nothing that this woman couldn't do? After a while Serena turned her head to look into the wings and their eyes locked onto one another and Bernie's breathing hitched as it felt as if Serena was singing directly to her.

 

“ _ Now listen honey, I just want to be beside you everywhere _

_ as long as we're together, honey, I don't care _

_ 'Cause you've started something _

_ Oh can't you see? _

_ That ever since we met _

_ You've had a hold on me _

_ I said no matter, no matter what you do _

_ I only want to be with you” _

 

As the last notes of music died away Serena turned her gaze back towards the audience, just as they burst into rapturous applause, and all the other performers who had collected in the wings on either side of the stage were stamping their feet as well in appreciation of her performance. Bernie gave them the signal to go back on stage and take their bows and form a group around Serena and Hanssen, when it dawned on her that he was nowhere to be seen. Linda had already been down to the Green room and the male dressing room but shook her head indicating that she couldn't find him. Bernie waved her hand to catch Serena's eye and shrugged her shoulders with her arms open wide, and watched in awe as Serena took charge of the situation and she stepped forward to speak. She made some sort of joke about Hanssen needing time to set his theremin up in the bar area to entertain them as they ate and drank, and then laughed loudly at the looks of consternation on the faces of the people in the front rows that she could see. After reassuring them that  _ was _ just a joke she glanced at Bernie before continuing.

“You probably think that by applauding everyone of these wonderful performers gathered round me, that you've shown your appreciation for all that have made this evening so enjoyable. But there is still one more person you need to thank..” and to Bernie's horror Serena began to walk towards her, her hand outstretched ready to lead her onto the stage.

“And that person is Ms Berenice Wolfe, co-lead of AAU, with myself, and one of the leading Trauma surgeons in the country.”

By now Serena was guiding a very reluctant Bernie back towards the spotlight.

'This remarkable woman has been organising everything backstage, using her expertise and knowledge of the theatre to make this evening run as smoothly as possible. In fact it's unlikely there would have been a show without her. And if she wasn't already working at Holby we probably wouldn't be asking for your help to establish this much needed Trauma Unit, as we will undoubtedly be relying on her personal experience in the RAMC to make this work. So I believe that she should be the one to tell you why we need this unit and all the equipment, sooner, rather than later.”

All the Holby staff on stage started to applaud her and a few members of the audience also, as Serena put her hand in the small of her back and pushed her towards the mike, whispering “You can do this...” into her ear.

As Serena had been talking Bernie had felt her anxiety mounting and by the time she was standing in front of the microphone, every part of her body was in flight mode. But, true to the soldier that she was, the part of her she could never remove, none of this showed on her face, her mouth clenched tightly shut and her gaze steely. She took a deep breath before speaking, her voice sounding a lot stronger than she felt and with no sign of the uncertain stutter that sometimes accompanied her ordinary conversations.

“Thank you.

As Ms Campbell has indicated I'm not always comfortable when the spotlight is solely on me. I much prefer to be working with a team, where everybody has a part to play.”

She turned slightly and pointed to the others on the stage.

“This team of Holby personnel have been wonderful, as I'm sure you'll agree in providing you all with a very entertaining evening, but without the other staff back at the hospital, some of them working extra shifts, they couldn't have been here tonight hoping to encourage you to help us out. I hate that we have to come to you, to beg to get what we desperately need, to do the job that we do; but as I learnt from my time in the army you use whatever you have to hand to get the best outcome for your patients. It doesn't always work, but at least you know you tried.”

Bernie's composure started to slip slightly, a waver entering her voice and Serena could see an almost imperceptible trembling of her bottom lip.

“But it's hard when you have to tell someone's relative or friend that their loved one didn't make it. And it's even harder when you know that in some cases, a better piece of equipment, or a team trained specifically in trauma techniques might have saved their arm or leg or even their lives. It was hard in the army, when you were operating on someone who had already put their lives on the line trying to protect others, but we all knew the risks we were taking being in a war zone. It made us in the RAMC, hone ourselves and our equipment, until we knew that everyone coming into the operating theatre stood the best possible chance of survival.”

Serena's heart went out to this woman as she saw a tear run down her cheek.

“This is what I want to bring to Holby, the chance for anyone injured in a traumatic accident being given the best possible odds to survive. And we need to remember that we live in times where war can be brought here, on our own doorstep. I'm... I'm asking you to help all these wonderful people” and Bernie's voice started to crack as she gestured towards Serena and the rest of her colleagues, her composure slipping, and Serena can see more tears sliding down her cheeks as she moved forward to stand by her side.

“Help them to be the best they can be, to have access to the best possible medical machines, so they in turn can help the next person who..may be your brother, sister, daughter....the one..you love...survive...      I'm sorry.”

Bernie ran from the stage and into the wings coming to a stop at the stage manager's desk which she clutched with both hands, in desperation, as she struggled to control her emotions.

She was dimly aware of voices and applause and people passing by her but was unable to respond until she felt an arm circle her waist, pulling her down onto her stool, and she knew that it was Serena. Serena, whose arm was now draped across her shoulders , pulling her close so that her head was resting against her chest. She started to babble as the emotions came pouring out.

“”Oh god, I'm so...sorry Serena. I've spoilt...a wonderful evening...I've ruined it. How will anyone...trust in me..now that they've seen...seen what a ..wreck I am.”

Serena said nothing for a few minutes giving Bernie a chance to steady herself before she responded. As Bernie's breathing evened out she pulled slightly away from her so that she could let Bernie see her face.

“You didn't ruin anything. If anything you helped our cause by showing how strongly you feel about it. I'm the one who should be apologising, throwing you in at the deep end like that. I wanted you to say something but knew if I'd asked before this you would have panicked and refused. But I'm truly, deeply sorry for being the reason you're so upset.”

She waited again until Bernie seemed to have regained more control of herself and then she tucked her fingers under Bernie's chin and tilted her head so that she could take a good look at her.

“Come on Ms Wolfe, let's give thanks that you can look gorgeous without even trying. You just need to do a slight touch up to your make-up before we brave the throng out there.”

Bernie's eyes widened in alarm.

“You're not suggesting I go out there and meet them? I......I can't do that.”

“You can and you will,” said Serena in a firm, but kind voice. “I have to go and socialise, and I'm definitely not leaving you alone. The whole evening will have been a waste of time if we don't carry it through.”

She was counting that Bernie's sense of duty would enable her to go out there, and she was right. Bernie stood up and took a shaky breath and Serena simply took her hand and led her down to the dressing room. After splashing some cold water on her eyes, Bernie reapplied some mascara and lip gloss. She looked enquiringly at Serena, wordlessly asking if she would pass muster. Serena's felt a lump come into her throat as she saw the fear that was lurking at the back of her eyes, and her heart flipped as she thought about how much this woman meant to her.

She leaned in towards Bernie and said softly, “As beautiful as ever.”

And then, before she could stop herself she pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Bernie's mouth her heart pounding. As she pulled away she saw that Bernie's lips had parted slightly and her breath was ragged.

“Come on,” Serena said lightly, “I think we both need a drink.” 

And gently taking hold of Bernie's arm they both headed out into the foyer.

 

 

 


	4. All's well that ends well.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie sort themselves out.... a bit, and we find out where Henrick Hanssen disappeared to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little bit of a tease and I may not be able to update it very quickly as I've got workmen booked in soon, so I have to spend a bit more time trying to get the house in some sort of order. I will keep writing it though, even if I don't get to post it straight away.  
> (FYI, what happened to Henrick was very similar to what befell me many years ago.)

 

Chapter 4 : All well that ends well

 

 

In the end, neither of them drank very much, if at all. Serena was busy, going round, chatting, talking to people with an ease that many envied, especially Bernie. But, the real reason she had consumed less than two glasses of Shiraz, was because her stomach was in knots. She frankly didn't have a clue how she was socialising with so many when she felt as though she wanted to throw-up. She tried to rationalise her actions by telling herself that she'd only wanted to comfort Bernie, calm her down before they had to come and face all of these people, but she'd looked so vulnerable and … beautiful, that she'd succumbed to the feelings that had been building inside her for days … no, weeks. And she'd kissed her. That was bad enough, but to do it after she'd already pushed her out of her comfort zone by almost forcing her into making a speech. Well, that just made her feel wretched. And furious that Hanssen had disappeared – where the hell _was_ he for god's sake. What was even worse was the knowledge that in the end, it had been a conscious decision, to bring Bernie onto the stage, regardless of the fact that she hated the limelight. She'd still ploughed on, firmly believing that in the absence of Henrick she would be the best person to convince the businessmen and benefactors of the need for a trauma unit.

It didn't even help to know that her instinct had been right, judging by the comments and some of the pledges they'd already received. Because Bernie was her friend, someone she trusted and who she'd hoped had trusted her. Well, she'd definitely made a massive error on that score, and it worried her that she'd never get that trust back. She could tell that Bernie was already avoiding her, knew from the moment when, walking towards the foyer from backstage, Bernie had removed her arm from Serena's and walked on ahead through the door and upstairs to the bar. She'd caught glimpses of her all evening, but whenever it seemed as if their paths might cross, Bernie moved as swiftly as possible in the other direction, her face blank and her lips set in a straight line. Serena sighed inwardly. She had to try and find a way for them to talk, soon, tonight preferably. And for the umpteenth time it crossed her mind to wonder where on _earth_ had Hanssen disappeared to?

Bernie meanwhile, was feeling as though she was having an 'out of body' experience. She knew she was walking around, clutching a tumbler of whisky that she had so far only taken a couple of sips from, and had even been managing to talk to one or two people, but if she tried to recall what they or she had said, her mind was a complete blank. She still didn't understand how the mask, that she normally wore as a second skin, had slipped, and exposed her to possible ridicule, something she dreaded even more than enemy gunfire, she sometimes thought. What was just as hard for her to understand was that by showing her emotions (or weakness in her mind) had so far seemed only to have generated positive comments of support and even admiration. Part of her was furious at Serena for putting her in that position in the first place, but part of her, the army-trained tactician, couldn't argue with the results it had achieved.

She thought that her friendship with Serena would have stopped her though, liked to think she would never have done the same to her. Trouble was, that was all she did do these days, when her mind wasn't consumed by work, was think of Serena. The way she looked. Her smile, the twinkle that came into her eyes when she was flirting and teasing, and her voice, oh, her voice, like molten chocolate it filled her head, whether she was talking on the ward to a patient or staff, or whether it was directed to her, in their office or car. It could send thrills up and down her spine especially when their was an edge to it, perhaps reprimanding a cocky F1 who thought they were being clever. So yes, she was angry with Serena and also with herself. Because, after her humiliating exit from the stage it had been Serena who had come to her, tried to comfort her, holding her tight while she struggled to regain control, and she had let her, pressing her head into that warm soft bosom. Bernie's eyes closed as she remembered how safe she had felt, how cared for, and how she had wanted nothing more than to press her lips along the gentle swell of her breasts. Her breathing faltered and she opened her eyes quickly looking around to see if anyone had noticed her momentary absence from the scene in front of her, but could detect no concerned looks in her direction. She walked over to put her her glass down on a table, wondering how soon she could escape from all these people, desperately trying to push the other part of her embarrassing evening, when Serena had kissed her, out of her mind.

“Bernie?”

Serena had spotted Bernie standing alone and realised she was so lost in thought that she actually might stand a chance of getting close to her before she noticed.

Bernie's head whipped round when she heard 'that' voice and fought to make her face as blank as possible as she acknowledged Serena's presence.

Serena cleared her throat.

“Um, things are due to finish here pretty soon, and I wondered if you wanted to share a taxi? I mean, I haven't drunk very much but thought perhaps I shouldn't risk it, just to be on the safe side. Thought perhaps you'd be the same?”

Bernie looked at the table where she'd just placed the whisky.

“Oh, no, only had a couple of sips, so I'll probably just drive. Thanks for asking though.”

Bernie started to move away when Serena caught her arm.

“In that case, any chance of a lift?” she asked nervously. “Bit of a cheek I know what with...but anyway just thought I'd ask. Don't fancy how long I may have to wait for a cab that's all. But it's fine, don't worry,” And Serena started to walk away.

Bernie felt caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand she didn't want to be in close proximity to Serena right now, but she also knew she would worry if she left her standing outside alone, waiting for her cab. She was just about to call her back when Lofty came bursting through the doors of the auditorium shouting their names.

“Ms Campbell, Ms Wolfe could you come quickly please...there's been an accident. It's Mr Hanssen!”

They both acted instinctively and followed Lofty back through the doors and up the central aisle and onto the stage, while he explained that he and Dom had returned to the dressing room to collect their stuff and had walked onto the stage just to have a look around before they left, and they'd heard a groan. Feeling their way through the middle set of curtains they could see what appeared to be a square hole in the stage and Dom could just see what he thought was Hanssen's face at the bottom. They had already phoned for an ambulance, but didn't know how to reach him.

“Dammit” said Bernie, “That's the trap-door!” and she ran to the bank of switches by the desk and put all the lights on over the stage and opened the second set of curtains.

Serena sent Dom and Lofty back to the foyer to be on hand to guide the paramedics, and to give instructions to the rest of the theatre staff to clear the guests as quickly as possible, thinking that it was fortunate that it was virtually the end of the evening anyway.

Bernie meanwhile had gone down to the basement which had access to the under stage area where Hanssen was lying. She called up to Serena informing her that he was breathing, but drifting in and out of consciousness with a trauma injury to his head, which she thought may have been caused by it striking the edge of the opening as he fell, rather that when he landed. She also suspected at least one break to his left leg and from the angle he was lying she felt there was probably some damage to his left shoulder. Less than 4 minutes later the paramedics arrived, and after listening to Bernie's assessment Hanssen was carefully transported to the ambulance to be taken to Holby, and Lofty agreed to travel with him, with Dom following on behind in his car. Serena asked them to ask Ric to give her a ring when he had seen Henrik, and to tell him she would be over in the morning to see what was happening.

By the time Bernie and Serena returned to the bar, everyone but Brandon and Linda had left, and Bernie was relieved to hear that Linda had phoned for some overnight security to stay on site, as they couldn't risk cleaners coming in and disturbing the scene as she knew an in depth risk assessment would need to be carried out by Bernie and senior management in the morning. She thanked Linda profusely, as she certainly didn't feel up to staying at the theatre for much longer. She turned to Serena.

“If you still want a lift, I'll be fine to drive you as soon as the guard arrives. In the meantime just take a seat, while I go and do a final sweep to make sure no stragglers are left.”

Serena sank gratefully into a chair, still feeling rather shaky and when Bernie joined her 10 minutes later she realised that she was shivering slightly.

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked, concerned at how pale Serena looked.

“I'll be fine,” she said, “just a bit of delayed shock I think. I can't believe I didn't make more effort to find out where Henrick had got to. I should have known he wouldn't have just disappeared on such an important evening.”

Bernie took hold of one of Serena's hands before she replied.

“Look, it's unlikely you would have found him much earlier if at all. When he fell I suspect he was out cold for a while, and the moans that Dom heard were probably him just regaining consciousness. It was luck that there was somebody near to hear him.”

Seeing the security guard approaching the front doors she stood up to let him in, and briefed him about what had happened. Fortunately he was one that had worked there before, so she simply informed him that she would be back at about 9am tomorrow, and gave him the list of emergency contact numbers just in case.

When they got to Bernie's car, she helped Serena in and reached into the back for her Holby hoodie which she placed around Serena's shoulders.

“Come on, let's get you home. I'm assuming you didn't want to check up on Hanssen tonight?”

Serena shook her head.

“Ric's promised to ring me if there's any problems, and I've said I'll go in early tomorrow morning to speak to him if possible,” she sighed, “and to apologise.”

Bernie took a deep breath, and risked a sideways look at Serena before she spoke.

Serena.... you can't blame yourself for this. It's been quite an evening in more ways than one... you had a lot on your mind. We all did.”

Serena rubbed a hand over her forehead and then through her hair.

“You're not kidding. And the thing I couldn't get out of my mind was that I'd upset you... my colleague..... my friend.... my _best_ friend.” and she took a deep shuddering breath.

Bernie patted her leg briefly, but remained silent as she continued to drive, and Serena closed her eyes and felt a small tear trickle down her cheek.

A few minutes later they pulled up on Serena's drive, and as Bernie switched off the engine Serena released her seat belt before turning slightly so that she could look properly at her before she started to speak.

“I'm sorry.

I'll keep saying that until you believe me, until hopefully, you can forgive me.

What I did, asking you to speak was not planned, definitely not thought about ahead of time. I just looked across at you and.... and I wanted people to see you as I do. I wanted them to understand how lucky they are, how lucky we are, .. I am, to have you here. I think of you as the most fearless, fantastic doctor at the hospital, and I forgot in that moment how much you dislike being the focus of attention in that way.

So, once again, I am so...so...sorry.”

Serena had just opened the door when Bernie reached across and put her hand on her arm to stop her.

“And...um.. the, the kiss?” Bernie managed to stutter.

Serena stared at her.

“Is that what's really bothering you?” she asked quietly.

Bernie didn't answer, just started to chew on her bottom lip as she slid her eyes away from Serena and stared forwards out of the windscreen.

“Bernie, I..I don't know how to answer that, there are so many different reasons.” Serena plucked up her courage to talk about the one thing she wasn't going to have mentioned, unless Bernie did.

“I had upset you, and you'd been crying and I wanted you to know that I was sorry, and that I'd be there for you when and if you needed me. I was even hoping it might calm you a little,” and Serena stopped as she heard Bernie take a ragged breath, and looking round at her she saw she was wringing her hands, so she reached out to still them with her own.

“I obviously got that very wrong, but, the truth? I kissed you because I wanted to, and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted you to know that I..care and that you are important to me, and I won't apologise for that.”

Bernie swiveled her head so that she was looking at Serena and she gently pulled her hands free from Serena's grasp. Her voice, when she spoke sounded croaky and uncertain.

“Really? You, you _care_ about me?”

Serena nodded, earnestly.

“I can't imagine how I would cope now, if.. you weren't here, if you weren't my friend.”

“Just....just a friend?”

Serena could feel her heart beating so fast she thought she might pass out.

“Definitely a friend, a special friend... but, perhaps, _more_ than that, I think, if that's what you would want too?”

And Serena felt Bernie's arm reach towards her, her hand moving to the back of her head pulling her slowly towards her, her eyes glancing down to her mouth, and then wonderfully she felt Bernie's lips pressing against her own, softly but insistent. She pulled away for a second and then she was back again pressing more firmly this time and Serena moaned as she moved her own arm to encircle Bernie's waist as they melted into one another.

Bernie finally broke the kiss and they sat, foreheads still touching, both breathing heavily.

“Okay?” whispered Bernie.

Blinking away some tears, Serena nodded.

“Uh huh....... does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?”

Bernie gave a short bark of a laugh.

“Not for the kiss, no. I will have to get back to you about... the other thing.”

And she pulled Serena back into the kiss. Just as gentle as before, then moving slightly away so that she could capture Serena's bottom lip between her two, sucking strongly for a moment, then releasing it to return to pressing both lips together. This time it was a little firmer, and both of them were making small noises, little moans and whimpers, but which sound came from whom was impossible to tell. When they broke apart this time, they were both smiling and gasping for breath.

“I've wanted to do this for so long,” murmured Bernie and she planted a small kiss against Serena's neck, just below her ear, darting her tongue out to lick up towards her earlobe which she covered with her mouth, sucking gently. Serena caught her breath and arched her head backwards, giving Bernie the opportunity to kiss all down the length of her soft pliant neck arriving at her pulse point where she sucked greedily, knowing full well there would be a small dark bruise there by tomorrow. As she released the suction on her neck, Serena found herself unable to move, her mouth curved into a small smile. When she opened her eyes she saw Bernie gazing at her intently, and regaining use of her limbs she hooked her arm around Bernie's neck before locking their lips back together, now open and greedy, each one of them trying to gain the upper hand, their tongues darting in and out teasing and tasting. Serena's heart was racing, she felt as though she couldn't get close enough to Bernie and wished they were somewhere more comfortable. Somewhere they could rest against each other, kissing and touching, stroking.... she moved away from Bernie slightly to try and steady herself. Bernie followed her, snuggling her head against Serena's neck her breath ghosting across the top of her chest and Serena made herself speak before she found herself incapable of rational thought.

“I should be going in, we'll have Jason at the door again in a minute.”

Bernie's hand gently stroked her face and down her neck, finally resting on the swell of Serena's breasts above her dress, and her finger started to trace small spiral patterns which made Serena's thighs clench and her back arch.

“Aren't you going to ask me in tonight?” Bernie asked, biting her lip and managing to sound both coy and teasing in the same breath, which elicited a groan from Serena.

“Oh, I ….I.. I've made some _really_ bad decisions this evening and it just feels that if I asked you in, then I'd end up regretting it....”

Bernie's face fell, and Serena grabbed her arm to try and reassure her.

“No! No, not because I don't want to or I'm not interested in....” And Serena blushed as she continued,

“I feel as though I need to process this, and Jason's probably been peering through the curtains ever since we pulled up, so he's going to have something to say I think.”

Bernie body relaxed slightly.

“Do you have any idea what you'll say to him if he does?”

Serena shook her head.

“It depends on what he asks me. I've learnt the hard way that you have to listen carefully to what he's actually said, rather than what you know most people would say. You have to consider the words you use carefully, and not offer more than he needs or wants to know.”

They snuggled into one another, and kissed again, neither one of them wanting to move, but finally Serena pushed herself upright and sighed....again.

“I must go, and first thing tomorrow I need to see Henrick, and see if he's well enough to talk shop, but after that...I could get a taxi to the theatre and perhaps give you a hand to tidy up?” Serena looked sideways at Bernie knowing that she knew exactly why she really wanted to see her tomorrow.

Bernie smiled and shook her head.

“I'm going to have so much paperwork to fill in about the accident and I've already recruited people to give me a hand to put everything back to normal, and I don't think I'd get anything done if you were... _helping_ me.”

Seeing Serena look crestfallen at her words, she nudged her.

“ Let's get the things we need to do out of the way, and then see, okay? Come on, I'll walk you to your door.”

Bernie pushed herself out of the car and moved swiftly round to help Serena out, giving her the opportunity to pull her close, pressing their bodies together for a moment, causing Serena to give a low moan. She murmured into Bernie's neck.

“How about we meet up for lunch tomorrow? I know Jason would be with us, but I want to see you before we're both back at work, and we could come back here afterwards.”

Bernie nodded as they walked to the door.

“Love to,” she whispered in her ear. She gathered Serena into her arms, and kissed her with such tenderness and longing that Serena felt her legs turn to jelly, and she rocked slightly within the embrace.

“Whoa... easy there,” Bernie hummed, and tightened her grip around Serena's waist, only slowly releasing her as she heard the front door open slightly.

“Auntie Serena?” Jason's voice came through the crack of the door.

“Is Dr Bernie coming in or is she going home? Only if she's coming in I shall go to my room now, so that I don't have to see you kissing anymore.”

Bernie stifled a laugh, while Serena turned a very pretty shade of pink.

“Don't worry Jason,” Bernie replied, “I'm going now, but I might see you tomorrow if that's okay with you.”

“I'll have to think about it. I'll let Auntie Serena know tomorrow. Goodnight.”

With Jason's dismissal ringing in her ears Bernie gave Serena one little peck on her nose, wished her “Good luck” and sped down the drive to her car. Serena meanwhile held onto the door frame for a couple of seconds, to steady herself before she faced Jason. As she closed the door he was standing in the hallway looking fed-up.

“I'm sorry Jason, I know I'm later than I said... again, but there is a good reason. Mr Hanssen had an accident at the theatre and we had to wait for an ambulance . Then we had to wait for a security guard to get there before Bernie could leave...”

Serena knew she was rambling, but was trying to deflect any comments about what he'd seen from the house.

“Well, there a some things I don't understand, one of which is why you came home with Dr Bernie when you went in your own car, and why once you got back here you spent so long sitting in the car, talking and kissing? And does this mean you don't like kissing boys anymore? Do you just want to kiss girls now?”

Serena put her hand to her throat and raised her eyes to the ceiling, wishing that the answers to Jason's questions weren't so difficult.

“Look, let's get you a mug of hot chocolate, then get you back to bed. Then after a good night's sleep we can chat about this in the morning.”

Jason was not happy.

“I've already had my drink, I can make it myself you know. I'm not a child. But you know I don't like changes to our routine, and this week has been nothing but changes that you haven't discussed with me. And now you don't even want to answer my question, so I'll just go back to bed.”

Jason turned round and headed upstairs. Serena put her hands to her face and sighed. He was right. She'd been so wrapped up with the show and her feelings for Bernie that she'd pushed Jason to one side. She followed him to his bedroom and knocked on his door and asked if she could come in. There was a few moments of silence and then she heard a muffled 'yes', so she walked in to find him curled up in bed, his head hidden from sight underneath the duvet.

“Jason, you're right, I'm very sorry that I haven't been including you in things properly, I've been very preoccupied recently. And it's not that I don't want to answer your question, it just seems a bit complicated to me, at the moment.”

Jason poked his head out from the covers, looking puzzled.

“Why is it complicated? I only asked you who you preferred kissing, boys or girls?”

“Well, it's not really about which I like most, it's more that I'm only interested in kissing one person at the moment, and that's Bernie. And yes, she's a girl..woman, but that doesn't mean if she wasn't there that I would only want to kiss other women, it's complicated.”

“Do you love her?”

Serena took a deep breath.

“It's a little too soon to know that Jason, tonight was the first time we've kissed properly. But I do like her, a lot.”

Jason mulled this over for a few minutes and then he shrugged slightly.

“Okay, I suppose I understand a little. But if she comes here again could you make sure you don't kiss too much in front of me, it makes me feel a bit odd at the moment.”

“Understood,” said Serena and she got up and walked to the door. “Goodnight Jason.”

“Goodnight Auntie Serena.”

Serena went to her own room and quickly got ready for bed. She felt too exhausted to ring the hospital to check on Henrick, and she knew if there were any problems then Ric would give her a call. She soon realised however that being exhausted did not mean that she was going to get to sleep anytime soon. All she could think about was Bernie, her arms holding her close, and her lips pressed against her own, and the feeling she had in the pit of her stomach when she thought about seeing her tomorrow. She was lying there smiling into the darkness when her phone buzzed, and her smile got even broader when she saw a message from Bernie.

 

_**'Hope Jason wasn't too upset with you. Are you okay?' x** _

 

She was about to text back when she decided she wanted to hear her voice, so she lay back and rang her instead.

“Hello you”

“Hello _you_ ”

They were both on the verge of giggling like schoolgirls, but managed to contain themselves.

“Well, did he give you the third degree?”

“Sort of, not really. He's fine, just not too keen on watching his Aunt kissing someone... repeatedly.”

“Is that because, is it because, you know, that I'm...”

Serena waited, needed Bernie to say it, so that she could respond in the right way. She heard her take a breath.

“I'm a woman?”

Bernie could hear a tremor in her own voice, and felt annoyed with herself.

“No, no it's not that. Not at all, in my opinion. I think he'd be the same whoever it was.”

“But, you never mentioned that he was like that with Robbie. So what else could it be?”

Serena could hear the anxiety in Bernie's voice and did her best to allay her fears.

“He wasn't living with me when Robbie came onto the scene. Most of the time the three of us were together we were out in public, so any kisses were quite chaste, little pecks really. He would never have witnessed anything like he saw tonight.”

And she smiled as she spoke, a feeling of warmth spreading throughout her body as she recalled the feeling of their lips pressed together, and she could feel her pulse quicken and a tightening there, between her legs.

“It's really more about the changes in his routine this week, and I've been so absorbed with other things..... with you, that I haven't given him enough advance warnings so that he has had time to adapt. But whatever Jason thinks about you... us, doesn't matter, does it?”

Bernie could not believe how obtuse and naïve Serena was being.

“Well, look what happened with Robbie? You more or less wrote him off when you could see that he didn't want Jason as part of the package.”

Once again the insecurity in Bernie's voice made Serena aware of how vulnerable she was.

“That was Robbie's choice, not mine. And, if deep down I'd really wanted Robbie I would have persevered, found a solution or a compromise. I wouldn't..... I couldn't let you go that easily. I'd fight to make things work between all of us.”

Bernie let out a huge sigh of relief as she sank back onto her pillow, finally starting to accept that Serena really wanted this relationship to work. She smiled and asked in slightly teasing voice,

“So, does this mean you definitely want to see me tomorrow, or rather today? And if so, how should we proceed?”

This time Serena could hear the Bernie that had confidently held her in her arms less than an hour before.

“Well, my car is still in the car park at the theatre, so, after I've seen Henrick I'll get a taxi over there. I'll check to see how long you'll be and then drive home and book a table somewhere fairly local for the 3 of us, and wait for you to turn up. We could take my car as I don't think Jason would be too happy being crammed in the back of yours. Then, afterwards we could come back here.... because I think we need to talk about this, us.. and work, if you get my drift?”

“Sounds like plan to me. And Serena? In spite of how haywire it all went at the end, I don't think I'd change any of it. I feel.... happy.”

“Me too,” said Serena softly. “I can't stop thinking about you.”

Bernie's voice became so low, that it almost sounded like a growl.

“Hmm.. I know.... same here.”

There was silence as they both stared unseeingly into the darkness in their respective bedrooms, both of them imagining the other lying next to them.

 

Truthfully, the next morning Serena couldn't remember which one of them hung up first or said goodnight, or even if they said anything more at all. She just remembered the closeness she felt, and how, before she realised that she'd fallen asleep, she was opening her eyes to the sound of her alarm.

After breakfast with Jason, who seemed a lot calmer this morning, she went to the hospital to see how Henrick was faring. She went directly to AAU and spoke to Raf, who had taken over from Rik, and he assured her that the head injury wasn't thought to be as bad as they had first feared. The CT scan had not shown any bleeding within the brain, and no significant swelling either. But, because of the loss of consciousness, they were keeping to hourly obs to rule out any signs of concussion. Unfortunately, until they were happy that it was safe to administer a general anaesthetic, they could not proceed to reset the leg until later that day, so had made him as comfortable as possible in the meantime.

When Serena spoke with him it was obvious he was still hazy about exactly what had happened, and was quite concerned that his theremin should be found as he did recall that he was carrying it at the time. Serena promised him she would get in touch with the theatre about it, and assured him she would take over the helm as acting CEO tomorrow and keep him informed if there were any problems.

It was about 11.30am by the time the taxi dropped her outside the Crescent and she felt quite apprehensive as she sent a quick text to Bernie to say that she was here. It seemed less that a minute before Bernie came charging through the door into the foyer, her hair whipping round her face as she turned towards the doors, a delightful smile on her face that made Serena's stomach flip.

Bernie too had slept better than she had expected to, and had almost been late arriving at the theatre to let in her band of helpers. She had been very relieved to find that the last group to have hired the theatre and stage facilities were not one of their regular users, and after doing her risk assessment had recommended to the manager and director that they did not allow them to hire again without close supervision. She also recommended a better system be put in place to check the backstage areas on a daily basis rather than the current weekly one. She'd also been reassured to find Hanssen's theremin relatively unharmed, as they would certainly have been responsible for the cost of a replacement.

When she turned and saw Serena at the doors she couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face and she ground to a halt, marveling once again at the sheer beauty of that woman's smile. She shook herself when she saw Serena's expression change, obviously wondering why she hadn't opened the doors, and she lunged forward to let her in.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to... I mean..” and she blushed, as did Serena. They stood awkwardly for a moment, until Bernie spoke again.

“Did you want to take your bag of clothes with you, or shall I bring them with me later?'

“Just bring them when you're ready. Do you know how long you might be?” Serena asked, “Just so that I can know what sort of time to book a table for.”

“Not more than an hour I don't think. Most of the work is done, just need to go around each area one more time to make sure everything is back where it should be.”

Bernie took hold of Serena's hand and pulled her close, as she planted a kiss on her lips, and Serena's legs felt as shaky as they had last night.

“I'll see you soon then,” she breathed into Bernie's ear, and turned quickly to leave, thinking that if she stayed there might be a performance that no-one should be privy to, right there.

It was just over an hour later that Serena opened her door to Bernie and she ushered her into the lounge, asking if she'd like anything to drink. Bernie shook her head as they both sat close to each other on the sofa, and Bernie casually slid her arm around Serena's shoulders.

“It's very quiet, is Jason still in his room?” Bernie asked.

“Ah, no.” said Serena a little worried about how Bernie might react. “When I got back, I asked him where he'd like to go for lunch and he said Alan's. He'd spoken to him while I was at the hospital and apparently Alan had suggested that we might like some time alone, so he was happy to cook him Sunday dinner.”

“And … um... how, how did Jason react to that?” Bernie began to feel her anxieties surface again, thinking that perhaps he'd been glad of an excuse not to spend time with them, with her.

Serena's face was a mixture of embarrassment and amusement.

“Apparently he would have preferred to have eaten lunch with us because Alan isn't the best cook in the world, but he thought he might have got a bit annoyed if we'd just spent the whole meal sharing soppy looks.”

Bernie raised her eyebrows.

“I know, I told him we didn't do that, and he just looked resigned and told me he'd be back for tea and I didn't know what I was doing when I was around you.” Serena bit her lip. “He might be right.”

They sat in silence for a while until Serena said that the table was booked for 1.30pm and did Bernie want to go and freshen up at all.

It was Bernie's turn to bite her lip, and she ran her fingers through her hair.

“To be honest, I'm not that hungry. A sandwich or something later would suit me fine, but if you want to go... that's fine.”

“No, not at all. I'm not really hungry either. Are you sure you don't want anything to eat or drink right now?”

Serena felt Bernie shift slightly closer to her, and her arm tightened around her shoulders, as her other arm moved to encircle her waist. She put her mouth very close to Serena's ear before she answered very quietly, “Not if it means you moving an inch further away than you are right now.”

And then she placed a kiss just below her ear, moving along her jaw line, and Serena threw her head back against the sofa letting out a sigh as she did, and turned her head to face Bernie. She reached up and put her hand behind Bernie's neck and pulled her down until their lips met in an urgent, scrabbling kiss. As they drew apart to take a breath, Bernie looked down at her, and thought for the millionth time how beautiful she was, and then resumed the attack on her mouth. She pushed her tongue into Serena's parted lips, and felt a thrill run through her as she tasted and probed, and felt Serena's tongue entwining with hers.

Serena brought her other arm around to rest on Bernie's waist, and as she tried to pull her even closer, deeper into the kiss, she pushed against the fabric of Bernie's shirt, causing it to ride up and then her hand was pushing against Bernie's warm soft skin and Bernie gasped into her mouth.

Serena looked wildly into Bernie's eyes as they pulled apart.

“I'm sorry,” she spluttered, “I never intended to.. I just wanted to..”

Bernie rested her head against Serena's shoulder.

“It's fine, it's more than fine, it just took me by surprise, that's all. It felt..wonderful.”

Bernie slid sideways so that they were once again sitting alongside, their bodies snugly fitting against each other from top to toe.

“Now, I know this is going to sound odd, coming from me, but it was your suggestion too. I think we need to talk a bit about... us. Don't you?”

Bernie had intertwined her fingers with Serena's as she spoke and was trying to avoid looking at how red and puffy her lips looked, which just made her want to carry on kissing.

Serena sighed, partly out of frustration, and partly because she was worried that there would prove to be too many difficulties in trying to maintain a relationship when they worked so closely together.

She nodded, and started to speak almost immediately.

“I can't begin to tell you how many F1's and F2's that I've schooled about the dangers of a workplace relationship. It can cause so many problems regardless of how well or how badly it's going. If it ends in a row then working together gets very uncomfortable for them, and all the staff who work with them. resulting in everyone walking on eggshells. But conversely if it's going well, then all of a sudden neither of them can be found, and you just know that some linen cupboard or on-call room somewhere is not being used for it's proper purpose. And yet here I am...we are.... about to embark on a journey of...” and Serena suddenly stopped and looked anxiously at Bernie.

“At least, I mean, well I'm assuming that we're... you know...heading in ...the same..”

Bernie nearly laughed at her confusion and embarrassment, thinking she was glad she wasn't the only one who got tongue-tied when they were close.

“If you're wondering whether I want this.... to progress, then yes, I do.”

Serena turned to look at Bernie in relief.

“Oh, so do I, I really do.”

“Well, we have to decide how we're going to manage this at work I suppose.”

Serena blushed and said in a very small voice,

“I, I'd rather we kept it as quiet as possible if I'm honest You know what the rumour mill is like, and at this point when I'm supposed to be in charge, however temporary that is, I could do without lots of whispers going on. It might also affect the board's view on the Trauma unit, if they think I have any sort of ulterior motive for trying to push it through.”

Serena knew that she was being logical about this, but worried that Bernie would see it as her feeling uncomfortable about being in a same sex relationship.

Bernie sat forward, and dropping Serena's hand she clasped hers in front of her, looking down at the floor.

“You know that I have spent most of my life, trying to be the person that I thought others wanted me to be, rather than face up to myself and my feelings. And I hurt a lot of people because of lies I told them, believing I was somehow protecting them. I really don't want to do that ever again.”

Serena was feeling panicky but knew she had to try and explain further.

“I understand that, I do really, and I would never ask you to hide yourself again, but.. I don't know that I can tell people about us.... or what this _might_ become... right now. At work at least I need to keep things on a professional footing, not change our behaviour around each other.”

Bernie could not keep the smirk off her face or the playful tone out of her voice.

“Ah, so that means the lingering looks over surgery,and the touches and stroking of my back and arms that you freely offer me on a daily basis can carry on regardless? That's fine by me.”

Serena sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Yes, okay, I get it. Things haven't exactly been subtle between us recently, and yes I know I'm over-reacting, I'm sorry. Perhaps we can reach a compromise then?”

Bernie tilted her head to one side, waiting for Serena to continue.

“We don't walk around holding hands, and no surreptitious kisses when we think no-one's looking. If the blinds are drawn in the office we don't close or lock the door when we're both in there, and definitely no hanging around linen closets with the aim of..”

And here Bernie burst into laughter, her signature honking sound echoing around the house, and before long Serena was joining in, unable to resist Bernie's unabashed mirth.

As she regained control of herself, Bernie met Serena's eyes once again.

“Serena, I'm a grown-up professional woman too you know! I wouldn't flaunt any relationship in front of my work colleagues. You more than anyone should know that I prefer to keep my private life, private. So, can we agree that if either of us are asked directly about our relationship we won't lie about it, and then I will certainly agree to your other...demands.”

Serena smiled and nodded. “Agreed.”

There was a moments silence and then Bernie nuzzled into Serena's neck.

“I believe we were otherwise engaged, before all these negotiations?”

“Hmm, maybe we need to be a little more comfortable too,” murmured Serena and she moved to lie full length on the sofa, pulling Bernie down to face her, their arms lying across each others' waists as they moved closer and resumed kissing. Long, slow, languid kisses that seemed endless, gradually deepening as desire took hold. Bernie's hand worked it's way up, under Serena's blouse until her fingers were resting on bare skin, stroking up and down her spine.

Serena moaned into Bernie's mouth, her tongue darting out to lick along Bernie's bottom lip catching it between her teeth and pulling at it, gazing her teeth along it before letting it go and kissing again. Bernie was making small whimpering noises and when they broke apart they could both see the need and want reflected in each others eyes.

Serena looked down at Bernie's shirt and placed a soft wet kiss on her chest, just above where the fabric was straining across her breasts. Her hand came up and rested against the top button and she looked at Bernie and asked “Can I?' very quietly. Bernie nodded, her heart thumping as she felt Serena's fingers slowly undo the first, second, third.... until all the buttons were undone, and Serena could see the rise and fall of Bernie's chest, her breasts still hidden by a plain white t-shirt bra, her nipples pushing against the fabric that contained them. She could see the new scar tissue from where Oliver Valentine had cracked open her chest all those months ago to save her life. And as she trailed little butterfly kisses all along it she thought how sometime in the future she should buy him a drink and thank him properly for preserving this woman for her.

Bernie too was touching Serena's body, her hand covering one of her breasts, feeling her nipple harden through the layers of material. Serena gasped and arched towards Bernie, who also asked permission to remove some of her clothing, permission that Serena gladly gave. Slowly (far too slowly Serena thought) she undid the buttons on her blouse, and pushed it apart right to the edge of her shoulders, and then planted kisses all along her collar bone until she reached her neck where she sucked and nibbled.She followed the line down to the swell of her breasts, her hands cupping them, pushing at the lacy material, loving hearing the gasps and moans from Serena as she pushed her flat on the sofa, and leant over her, her eyes dark with lust.

Serena, her breathing very ragged, arched upwards and opened her eyes to see Bernie's smouldering gaze and she slid her hands under Bernie's shirt, clutching at her bare skin, her fingers and nails digging into her back as she pulled her down so that their lips crashed together, Bernie's head twisting and turning as she ground their mouths together, leaving them tingling and aching as they broke apart panting. As Serena's fingers once more scraped down Bernie's spine, Bernie pushed herself upright and swung her legs and feet down onto the floor. She looked back at Serena, noting her flushed skin and her swollen, almost bruised looking mouth and knew that she looked exactly the same. She could smell their arousal in the air as she brought her hand to stroke and cup the side of Serena's face, her thumb glancing across her engorged lips.

“Too fast,” she whispered softly. “I have to stop now, for both of us.”

Serena, whose face had hardened slightly when Bernie had first moved away from her, relaxed.

“I understand.... thank you. I don't think I was capable of stopping.”

As she sat up next to Bernie she gave a small giggle of embarrassment as she looked at her watch.

“Oh good grief, I had no idea that was the time. Could you imagine Jason's reaction if he'd walked in a few moments ago. He'd need therapy for at least a month.”

Bernie had started to refasten her shirt, but Serena stilled her hand with her own.

“Let me, .. please?” And as Bernie's hand fell away she started from the bottom fastening each button as she came to it. When she reached the one just below her breast, Serena pushed the shirt apart slightly to allow her to look at her one more time, and she could see that her nipples were still clearly visible. She darted forwards and covered one with her mouth sucking greedily as she heard Bernie give a high pitched groan. Then, before Bernie could react she quickly did up the rest of the buttons, as Bernie lips sought her own for another bruising kiss.

Head spinning, Bernie pushed herself up off the sofa.

“I need to go.... now” Bernie said, “before I give in to my raging hormonal urges... and that last move Ms Campbell? Very sneaky.”

Serena stood up too, on very wobbly legs, her blouse still open, and Bernie's hand reached out to stroke her glorious breasts, but Serena turned away, quickly fastening a few buttons.

She walked with Bernie to the front door and they kissed once more before she opened it.

“Tomorrow is going to be.... challenging” murmured Bernie in her ear. “I'm almost looking forward to it.”

 

 

 


	5. It's a curious, wanting thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena finds out that getting what you thought you wanted, doesn't always prove to be as good as you think and Bernie discovers that what makes her happy, is making Serena happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure that I had to change the category from Mature to Explicit, but I'd rather not offend anyone. And even if this chapter doesn't quite make the grade, the next one surely will. That said I'm pretty sure there's enough smut to be going on with.  
> And again, thanks for all your kudos and comments. They're like the breath of life!
> 
> The chapter title comes from Sarah Waters book, 'Fingersmith'

 

Chapter 5 : It's a curious, wanting thing.

 

 

Serena Campbell had always thought that being CEO of a hospital, such as Holby, would be the pinnacle of her career, something she had worked towards for most of her life. Why else would she have spent 2 years in America studying for a Harvard Business degree, when she could have pretty much had a glittering career anyway, as a very skilled vascular surgeon. But she had known from a very early age that there was another facet to her personality. She had always wanted to be in control, to be calling the shots, and with the supreme confidence of youth she also knew she could be damn good at both. She had certainly never envisaged a time when one or other of these roles might not fit her as well as it used to. It certainly hadn't happened when she was pregnant, or after Elinor had been born, her ambition to be the head honcho had always driven her on. Then of course had come the revelation of Edward's infidelity, and pushing herself to the limit at work had helped her to bury the anger and hurt she had felt, a way of fending off those pitying looks.

But, ever since her mother's illness and subsequent death, Serena found that her priorities had subtlety changed, particularly since the discovery of a nephew, Jason, and the challenges that he presented. She is still very much of the belief that a hospital needs to be well-run and efficient, but she now feels that she doesn't _have_ to be the one who makes it so. She has been quite content to let Henrik pilot the ship, with herself offering the strong support he sometimes needs. In fact, she had recently been considering standing down from the deputy role as well, once the Trauma Unit was up and running, recognising that her presence on AAU may be needed far more than in the boardroom, and would probably be far more rewarding for her, personally.

And yet here she was, standing in Henrik's office with a neat stack of paperwork sitting on the desk, the phone ringing and a P.A. who had a list of board members she had to speak to before the end of the day. So much for thinking that she and Bernie should be careful of how they act around each other at work, it was unlikely that their paths would cross at all for at least the next 5 days. And, if she was honest Bernie had also contributed to the waning of the desire to be at the top of the corporate ladder, much preferring to be sharing the office in AAU or the operating theatre, as she found a different sort of desire taking over her mind. She thought back to the conversation they'd had yesterday about being professional and avoiding any open displays of affection on the ward. She was almost tempted to find a reason to call her to Hanssen's office as she looked at the very large desk in front of her and an image jumped into her mind involving herself, a blonde trauma surgeon and very few clothes. The smile that had spread over her face soon disappeared as the phone rang....again. The trouble was, she acknowledged, changing priorities or not, her competitive spirit was still strong and making things work while she was manning the helm was very important to her. She reached for the phone as she sat down behind the desk.

“Good morning, Serena Campbell speaking....”

Bernie wasn't finding the first day back after the weekend quite as taxing as Serena. For one thing she was doing the job she loved, the one that she did every working day with her colleagues on AAU, people that she had come to think of as friends. That didn't mean that she wasn't missing Serena, it was very strange to sit in the office and not have her sitting opposite, or turn round on the ward and not catch sight of her. In some ways it was a relief not to feel awkward about touching her or staring at her, which she felt sure she would have struggled with after yesterday, but life on a hospital ward rarely gave time for too much introspection, and she had to admit the paperwork seemed to take less of her time when she wasn't distracted by Serena's presence. When she had time to head down to Pulses for a quick break she had texted Serena to see if she could join her, but when answer came there none, it didn't really surprise her, but she was a little disappointed.

After a busy day, and not having heard back from Serena at all, Bernie took the lift to the fifth floor and arrived outside Hanssen's office just as the P.A. was leaving.

“Is Ms Campbell still here?” she asked.

The young woman tossed her coat over her shoulders before answering.

“Yes, she is, and I'd be grateful if you didn't knock until I'm out of sight. She's been like a bear with a sore head all day!”

And without a second look she rushed off in the direction of the lift.

Bernie gave a small smile, thinking that she must have got on the wrong side of that sharp tongue at least once today. Serena was certainly making her presence felt.

Bernie knocked gently on the door and started to open it just in time to hear Serena mutter.

“Oh for pity's sake, what now?! Does Hanssen seriously put up with this many interruptions everyday?”

Bernie cautiously poked her head around the door.

“I could always make an appointment and come back tomorrow if it's inconvenient?”

Serena blinked in surprise, and a smile flitted across her face, but she made no attempt to get up.

“I'm sorry Bernie, come on in.I could certainly do with a friendly face to look at.”

Bernie walked over and sat on the desk next to Serena and took one of her hands to hold between her own.

“Tough first day?”

“You have no idea! The amount of paperwork is unbelievable, even to me, and as you might expect at least 50% of it seems totally unnecessary. I can't even blame Henrik for letting things slide, he's as on top of it as anyone _could_ be, as far as I can tell. And so many people knock at that door or ring and ask me to come down to their ward or department to sort out some situation or other. It feels the only ward I haven't seen today is AAU, and that's the one I would happily have attended.”

She smiled ruefully at Bernie, who continued to hold her hand, stroking across the knuckles with her thumb.

“Ah, well, that's your own fault you see.”

Bernie smiled as Serena raised her eyebrows in mock indignation.

“It runs like a well-oiled machine, thanks to you.”

Serena smiled fondly at her, the corners of her eyes creasing in a way that made Bernie's heart skip a beat.

“It's also down to having such a brilliant surgeon and friend as my co-lead... so thank you.”

Serena lifted Bernie's hands to her lips and kissed them softly, before reluctantly letting them go.

“Well Ms Campbell, _I_ think it's about time you packed up and went home.”

Serena screwed up her face and sighed.

“Don't tell me it's that time already? There's no chance I can get away yet. I've got a good 2 hours work before I can leave otherwise I'll be starting off on the wrong foot tomorrow as well. I'm beginning to wonder how Henrik copes, he must practically live here!”

“Well for a start he doesn't have a very exacting nephew to deal with at home does he?”

Serena clapped her hands to her head and groaned.

“Oh... I forgot to let Jason know I'd be late! He'll be furious with me.... again! Not to mention upset because I've not made arrangements for his tea.”

Bernie reached over and patted her shoulder.

“Don't worry, just phone or text him and say that I'm heading his way and that he can show me where his favourite fish and chip shop is.... my treat.”

Serena looked at Bernie with surprise.  
“Really? I mean are you sure you don't mind? That, that would be marvellous.”

She looked up at Bernie her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“Not a problem. Tell him I'll even stop and watch a quiz show with him if he would like me to. But I have one thing to do first, I'll be back in a tic.”

Bernie rushed out of the office, with Serena smiling gratefully after her as she reached down for her phone. She knew Jason would still be slightly put out, but as a compromise it didn't get much better. Ten minutes later Bernie returned clutching a number of items in her hands.

“Right, firstly a caffeine boost” and she place a large coffee cup in front of Serena. “Secondly a bottle of water to keep you hydrated, and thirdly an Hoisin duck wrap (hopefully not too stale), and 2 danish pastries to keep your blood sugar levels up, as I rather suspect you've eaten very little so far today.”

Serena averted her eyes at the last comment and Bernie leaned over and put two fingers under her chin to tip her head back.

“Don't stay for more than two hours, promise?”

“I'll do my best,” Serena started to say, but as Bernie's face took on a very stern look, she amended it. “Okay, I promise.”

Bernie moved closer and place a soft kiss on Serena's lips.

“See that you keep it,” she said in her best Army Major voice, “I'll see you tomorrow.”

As she left a tear welled up in Serena's eye that she hastily brushed away.

“Get a grip Campbell,” she said out loud, as she bent over one of the many forms she still needed to complete before she went home.

This pattern continued over the next 2 days with Bernie always checking in on her before she went home, bringing some little treats with her every time. Bernie had also arranged with Jason (and Serena) that she would go there straight from work to cook his dinner, although she took care to explain to him that it probably wouldn't be up to Serena's standards. He accepted that and enjoyed her company, especially as she brought a little more competition to the quiz shows he watched with his aunt, but he still found the changes to his routine difficult to adjust to. And Bernie always made sure she was gone by 8pm as she didn't want Serena to think she was checking up on how long she had stayed at work, although she had her suspicions about that.

Thursday evening was always going to be a problem though as Bernie's shift didn't end until 9.30pm, so Serena arranged for Jason to eat and stay at Alan's overnight, as the prospect of going home to cook for him and then having to return to work did not appeal. It was about 9.45pm before Bernie reached her car at the end of a long shift, and was perturbed to see that Serena's car was still in it's parking space. She tried to reason with herself saying that if Serena was tired she may have done the sensible thing and taken a taxi home, but her gut instinct was that she was still working. She put her things into her own car and then returned to the hospital and headed straight for Hanssen's office.

As soon as she arrived outside the door she knew she was right. The light was still on and she could hear Serena raising her voice, although the absence of a second voice that she could hear, indicated that she was on the phone. She knocked on the door, and there was a pause, and Serena shouted “I'm busy!” before resuming her conversation. Bernie ignored her reply and walked straight in. Serena whirled round as she heard the door open, ready, Bernie had no doubt, to explode at the person who had disregarded her. Instead she was rendered speechless at the sight of Bernie, a face like thunder, striding towards her. Before she could react at all, Bernie had reached her and she took the phone straight out of her hands.

In a firm voice she addressed whoever was on the other end of the phone.

“Im sorry, but Ms Campbell is no longer available to continue this phone-call due to a family emergency. She will be back in her office at 10am tomorrow morning when you may call her again. Good night.” and she disconnected the call.

Serena's eyes were wide with panic. “What family emergency? Is Jason alright? Oh god don't tell me Elinor's in some sort of trouble?”

Bernie put her hand on Serena's shoulder and pushed her down into her chair.

“It's okay Serena everyone's fine, except you. I merely said that, so whomever you were speaking to would not get too upset about me hanging up on them. Good grief Serena, what on earth are you trying to prove? When you offered me the co-lead on AAU it was partly because you needed to get your work – life balance under control. I bet you haven't been home before this time any night this week have you?”

When Serena didn't answer she continued.  
“This is only the fourth day in this post and you're already exhausted by the look of you. How is this going to help anyone or the hospital if, after two weeks have passed, you are unable to function because you're trying to prove something to yourself. You're a doctor Serena, you know this is stupid, especially at our age.”

Serena's eyes blazed for a moment at those words, but as what Bernie had said sank in she leant forward and put her head into her hands.

“I know you're right, I just wanted to show Henrik that I was grateful for all the support he gave me when my mother died, and with Jason as well. And of course my stupid pride meant I wanted to show everyone I could do this job if I wanted to. Which I obviously can't!”

Serena took a ragged breath which sounded suspiciously like a sob to Bernie. She stood in front of her and put her hands on Serena's shoulders.

“Listen, you _are_ good enough to do this job, better than anyone else in this hospital barring Hanssen, but you have to step back a bit. He wasn't trying to do it all on his own was he? He had you to take up the slack, so you need to farm some of the crap out to someone else. Actually there's an awful lot of paperwork that he could still do, I'm sure. The only reason he's still in the hospital is because his leg is in traction on Orthopaedics. His head injury is healing fast and he'd probably be grateful for something to keep him occupied.

Come on, I'm taking you home, putting some food into you and then shipping you off to bed.”

Bernie pulled Serena to her feet and got her out of the office and into her car with no further protest. Although short, the journey home had already seen Serena drift off to sleep. When they arrived at the house she managed to convince Bernie that she wasn't hungry enough for a take-away and so Bernie did a hasty snack of scrambled eggs on toast for them both, while Serena went upstairs for a quick shower before changing into her nightwear, after which she joined Bernie at the kitchen table. Serena was barely keeping her eyes open after she'd eaten, so Bernie gently steered her in the direction of the stairs and told her to go and get into bed and she would bring her some hot milk laced with whisky to help relax her. Ten minutes later she knocked gently on the bedroom door, and when she heard Serena respond, she went in. Serena was leaning against her pillows smiling. Bernie handed her her drink and perched on the edge of the bed.

“Okay, do you promise that you don't have any work hidden around here that you're going to get out the minute I've gone?”

Serena shook her head, and then looked at Bernie somewhat awkwardly before she spoke.

“I don't suppose you'd consider staying over would you? I don't really want to be on my own, I've got so much whirling around in my brain right now.”

Bernie sighed. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't, but when she looked at Serena her stomach tightened, and she _was_ concerned for her at the moment.

“Alright. You finish that hot milk and I'll pop downstairs to tidy up the kitchen a bit and switch off the lights. Do you have a t-shirt or something I could wear?”

Serena pointed to the chest of drawers in the corner of the room.

“Bottom drawer, there's an old one of Edward's you can wear.”

When Bernie raised an eyebrow, Serena giggled.

“What's wrong with that? Do I look like someone who wears t-shirts? It'll be more like a nightshirt on you. My pyjamas would be far too large on your slender hips, and we don't want any mishaps do we?”

Bernie found the item in question and then went downstairs to make sure all was secure, taking a little longer than she needed in the hope that Serena might have gone to sleep by the time she got back to the bedroom. She knew that she could insist on sleeping on the sofa or even Elinor's room, but both of those decisions would entail an argument from Serena, and she really wanted her to relax as quickly as she could. She used the family bathroom to get changed and left her clothes over the banister rail, wanting to keep them as uncreased as she could, given that she might not make it home before starting work again tomorrow.

When she padded back into the bedroom, Serena was lying down with her eyes shut, but she opened them briefly as she heard Bernie close the door.

“Hmm. That looks better on you than it ever did on Edward.” she murmured as her eyes closed again. Bernie slipped into the bed, keeping as much space as possible between them.

“Good night.” she whispered, and received a small grunt in reply. As Serena's breathing deepened and slowed, Bernie allowed herself to relax, and it wasn't too long before she too was asleep. Bernie woke once during the night to find they had both moved closer to each other and Serena's head was resting on her upper chest, their hands entwined, fingers interlocking. She allowed herself a moment's sheer pleasure, drinking in the softness of her body and the scent of her, a mixture of perfume and shampoo and Serena's own essence. The overwhelming need to gather her into her arms and the resulting ache deep in her sex, forced her to very carefully put some space between them, but left their hands clasped together, wanting to maintain a little physical contact. After a while she managed to drift off to sleep, but when she next roused at 6.30am she slid out of bed immediately before the temptation to turn and snuggle into Serena became too much. She had a quick shower and got dressed, and after checking that she was still asleep, Bernie left the house to go home and change, stopping off at a local coffee shop on the way back to Serena's to get them both a double espresso and a danish pastry each. She let herself back in and listened carefully to ascertain whether Serena was already up and about, but hearing nothing she tiptoed back up to the bedroom and was once more transfixed by the the sight of this gorgeous sexy woman curled up in bed. She put the coffee and pastries down on the dressing table and sat carefully next to her, feeling her stir as she did.

“Serena?” she said softly, her hand on her arm, stroking it gently, trying to get her awake without startling her.

Serena blinked a couple of times and groaned as she stretched her arms, smiling broadly as her eyes fixed on Bernie's face.

“Now there's a sight for sore eyes,” she mumbled, and then as she became more fully alert and looked at her properly she frowned. “You're already dressed.” she grumbled.

Bernie smiled.

“But, that means I have fresh coffee and a warm pain au chocolat for you,” she said and she went to retrieve them as Serena pushed herself up into a sitting position. They sat in comparative silence as they ate and drank their impromptu breakfast and Bernie tried very hard not to let her eyes wander to where the crumbs were falling onto Serena's chest, especially as her nipples were quite prominent through the think, silky material of her top. As soon as she'd finished she stood up and kissed the top of Serena's head.

“I'm off now, my shift starts at 9.00am, but you don't have to be there before 10, remember? I've booked a taxi for you at 9.30, and I'm going to bring you lunch at about 1.00pm. I'm also going to collect you from your office at 6.00pm exactly so you'd better be ready!”

Serena managed a mock salute, “Yes, Major, certainly Major,” she said grinning, and Bernie could resist no longer and she bent down to kiss her firmly on the lips.

“See you later,” and she was gone before Serena had chance to reciprocate.

 

As arranged Bernie arrived at Hanssen's office just after 6.00pm, thankful that there had been no last minute emergencies on AAU. The young P.A., who Bernie had finally found out was called Lucy, smiled and nodded to her.

“She said to go straight in when you arrived.” Lucy leant forward and whispered, “I'm not sure if it was anything to do with you, but it's been a lot calmer around here today, for which I am very grateful.”

Bernie opened the door to see Serena sitting there, already in her coat, smiling.

“Now that's much better,” Bernie said approvingly.

“So, what's the plan for this evening then?” Serena asked as Bernie came round to perch on the desk next to her. _Really_ , she thought, _does this woman not know about chairs?_ ' but anything that brought her closer to her was alright by Serena.

“Well, if you drive yourself home, I'll follow. I've already checked with Jason and I've ordered a selection of Chinese food which I'll pick up on the way back, so you'll have time to get plates etc ready. Then I'm sure there will be some television on the horizon, which will involve either Countdown or World's Strongest Man.”

Serena looked at Bernie seductively and licked her lips.

“And after that?”

Bernie swallowed and felt her heart begin to race.

“After that you get an early night, and I go home to do the same.” she said in a rather croaky voice, noticing how Serena's face fell at her words. She reached out and grabbed hold of one of her hands.

“Because we have an early start tomorrow morning. I shall be at yours by 8.30am and you'd better be dressed, ready and waiting.”

Serena managed to look both pleased _and_ concerned.

“Does it have to be quite so early? I was intending to pop in to see Henrik tomorrow morning about a couple of ideas I've had.”

Bernie looked sternly at Serena.

“If you can assure me that you'd rather be here instead of with me, then by all means carry on. I'll just cancel the plans I've made and see you on Monday.”

Serena rolled her eyes but made no more comment as Bernie stood up and pulled her to her feet, enveloping her in a quick hug before they went out of the door.

Jason was very pleased to see his Aunt home in time for dinner and they all enjoyed the food that Bernie had chosen, as she had taken pains to find out from Jason ahead of time, what he would find acceptable. They did indeed watch some TV of Jason's choosing, but at 9.00pm Bernie pushed herself up from the sofa (where she and Serena had been cuddling for the last hour) and headed for the front door with Serena trailing miserably in her wake.

“Do you really have to go?” she muttered as Bernie pulled on her coat.

“Yes,” said Bernie, a lot more positively than she felt. “And remember, 8.30 sharp.”

Serena nodded, plucking at Bernie's arm in the hope of changing her mind. Bernie bent her head and grazed her cheek with her lips and then suddenly overcome with longing she turned her head and pressed their mouths together with such passion that when she moved apart, Serena felt decidedly giddy.

“Tomorrow,” she murmured against Serena's ear and then she was gone.

Still reeling from the kiss Serena was left pondering on the message behind that one word.

As Serena lay in bed that night she couldn't help but wish that Bernie was by her side. The previous night, although bone-weary tired, she had loved the feeling of someone sharing her bed again. She mentally corrected herself, she had loved _Bernie_ sharing her bed. She remembered waking briefly when she had looked across to see that exquisite face encircled by blonde tresses and she had felt such a pang of desire and love that it had been hard to breathe. She had carefully edged closer and laid her head against her chest, and when Bernie didn't stir she reached down to find her hand, resting their fingers together. Part of her had _wanted_ Bernie to rouse up to search for her lips and kiss her, repeatedly, but the steady rise and fall of her breathing had gradually lulled her back to sleep.

Serena turned onto her side, unable to completely relax. Her brain seemed in overdrive as she imagined Bernie sliding across the bed to spoon her, mentally feeling all of her body pressed close to her own, her arm sliding round her waist. The throb she felt between her legs made her gasp. She moved her own hand down to try and ease the ache there and was amazed when she discovered just how aroused she was. She took a deep breath before moving her hand away, promising herself that before this weekend was over it would be Bernie's hand that would offer her such a sweet release. Sleep therefore eluded her for a while longer, but she finally fell into a restless slumber, punctuated many times by dreams involving her  trauma surgeon.

Saturday morning saw her up early, if not as bright as she would have liked, and had already made Jason his favourite breakfast of blueberry and maple syrup pancakes, promising him that barring a car breakdown she and Bernie would be back in plenty of time to make his dinner at 6.00pm, and was glad to learn that he intended to spend the day helping out at a new club he had joined, specifically for young people on the autistic spectrum. She had spoken to Alan last night as well, thanking him for helping her out over the past week, and he had mentioned that he was happy to have Jason over for Sunday dinner, so she could have a little more of a break from her currently rather demanding job and the stresess that Jason sees. Serena was more than grateful for his consideration, and felt a little thrill of excitement that this might give her and Bernie some extra time to explore their somewhat complicated relationship.

Bernie arrived at 8.30 as promised, and after telling Jason she would text him when they were on their way back, Serena climbed into the car, grinning broadly, and received a quick kiss as a reward for being ready on time. Still not sure exactly where they were headed she turned to Bernie and put her hand on her thigh and squeezed slightly causing Bernie to jump.

“Crikey Serena, for goodness sake don't do that while I'm driving, or we'll end up having an accident!” she exclaimed.

“Sorry,” said Serena, “I just wanted to ask where we are off to, if it's not a big secret?”

“Well,” said Bernie, “it's not that big a deal. I just thought that as the weather looks pretty good, that we'd head for the coast. I could do with doing some walking in the fresh air, hopefully far enough away from Holby to allow us to maybe hold hands?”

Serena reached for Bernie's hand and studied it intently, trying to compose herself, as Bernie's words had brought tears to her eyes, although she couldn't clearly explain why.

“I think I'd like that,” she finally said, and relaxed back in her seat as Bernie started the engine and they got underway.

When they found themselves walking along the sea front, arm in arm, Serena found it quite liberating to be seen by others as a couple. She was still aware of the occasional hostile stare, which she found difficult to deal with, but with Bernie's help, managed to avoid outright confrontation. She realised it would not change the outlook of anyone who was determined to find same sex relationships as unacceptable, and so took it upon herself to be particularly charming and smiley towards them, which indirectly helped her to accept herself. Kissing in public (anything more than a peck) she still found difficult, but as she explained to Bernie, she had been the same with all of her relationships, a hang up she blamed on her mother who had frowned on public displays of affection.

They ate lunch at a little pub that Bernie had googled and read about on Trip Advisor and then spent the afternoon walking through beautiful gardens belonging to a National Trust property. It was nearly 5pm when they arrived back at Serena's home, both of them having enjoyed being outside, well away from the confines of offices and operating theatres. Bernie's cheeks were pink and glowing, and Serena's eyes were twinkling and sparkling in a way they hadn't for a while. Jason immediately cornered Bernie in the lounge, asking her to watch The World's Strongest Man contest with him, and Serena, catching her eye and nodded that it was okay, then went straight into the kitchen to start preparing their meal. From time to time she would poke her head into the lounge and see Jason and Bernie discussing who they thought would win and why, and she felt her heart swell within her chest as she watched two of the three most important people in her life, sitting in her home, both of them looking as if they belonged there. She returned to the kitchen to stir the sauce that was nearly ready and to boil the kettle for the linguine, when she felt a single tear rolling down her face, but before she could wipe it away two strong arms encircled her waist and Bernie nuzzled into her neck.

“I'm starving,” she said in a low voice. “Is it nearly ready?” and she spun Serena round so she could look at her and was alarmed when she saw the track of the tear down her face. Bernie wiped it away with her thumb and peered searchingly into her eyes.

“Is everything alright?” she asked softly.

Serena nodded, sniffed slightly and then smiled.

“I'm fine,” she said. “Just.... you know.... happy.”

“Me too,” she said, and kissed her gently. “I'd better get back before he comes searching and finds me snogging his Auntie …. again.”

Not long after they were all sitting around the table, eating and chatting together as if they had been doing it all their lives. And when they were finished and the dishwasher had been stacked correctly by Jason, he turned to them both and asked them if they were girlfriends now.

Serena cleared her throat noisily.

“We haven't really talked about our relationship at the moment Jason, it's all a bit new to us, both.”

Serena hazarded a sideways look at Bernie as she said this, hoping she hadn't spoken out of turn and was relieved when she gave her a slight nod.

“I don't understand,” said Jason, “I can't imagine kissing a girl without having asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend first, and you two kiss a lot, and smile at each other all the time, so why don't you just tell everyone you're girlfriends now?”

Serena sighed and Bernie could see she was getting stressed, not sure of what to say without causing more questions, so she stepped forward to try to offer an answer that would help him accept the situation.

“I think that what your aunt is trying to say is that as you get older some situations seem more complicated than when you're young, and we both need to make sure that we agree on what we want to call our relationship. Getting to know someone properly can take quite a long time, and we've both made mistakes in the past that we don't want to repeat. So when we have had this conversation between ourselves, then we promise that you'll be one of the first people to know. In the meantime, if anyone asks you about us, then tell them that we're best friends. Is that okay?”

Jason thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Okay.” he said, and walked into the lounge.

Serena stood close to Bernie and patted her arm. “Thank you,” she whispered. They followed him and sat close together on the sofa, and Serena was relieved to find that he had chosen an historical programme rather than a quiz show, as she needed time to think without being challenged every few minutes as to why she didn't know the answers to what Jason considered to be simple questions. Just after 9pm, he announced that he was going to his room to watch some Dr Who episodes and promised that if he came downstairs again before Bernie had gone home, that he would knock the door of the lounge before he came in, and then to Serena's amazement he winked at her with a big grin on his face. Bernie barely held in the snort of laughter that threatened to explode out of her, until he was halfway up the stairs. And looking at Serena saw that she had turned bright red with embarrassment.

“I do believe your nephew is not so innocent as he seems,” Bernie managed to say when she had regained her breath, and Serena just pushed herself up off the sofa in an effort to hide how awkward she had felt.

“Would you like a drink of anything?” she asked nonchalantly?

“Well, a glass of your finest wine wouldn't go amiss,” said Bernie and started to protest as Serena raised an eyebrow, looking at her sceptically as she went into the kitchen.

“What's the matter?” she called after her, “Do you think it will be wasted on a philistine like me?”

When Serena returned a couple of minutes later she handed Bernie one of the two glasses she was holding, before she resumed her seat next to her.

“You know that's not the case. I'm just surprised that you've asked for alcohol, you often shun it altogether when you know you're going to be driving.”

Bernie took a sip of wine before answering.

“Perhaps I wasn't planning on leaving so early tonight, seeing as neither of us are on duty tomorrow.”

Serena took a large gulp of wine as her heart started to race at Bernie's words.

“Oh, okay,” she responded, “that makes sense.”

“But only if you don't mind?” Bernie continued, not being able to resist teasing Serena a little, even though her own heart was having problems maintaining a regular rhythm.

“No, not at all,” Serena replied waving her arm wildly and nearly spilling her wine.

Bernie reached out and took the glass out of Serena's hand, putting it and her own on the coffee table to the side of the sofa. Serena turned slightly towards her and as Bernie's arms enveloped her she burrowed her head into her neck and could hear the pounding of Bernie's heart through her chest. After holding that position for a few minutes, both of them trying to regulate their breathing without much success, Bernie pressed a kiss onto Serena's head and said quietly, “Do you want to talk?”

Serena gave a slight shake of her head and pushed herself away from Bernie and onto her feet. She held out her hand to her and as Bernie took it and stood up herself, she blushed and forced herself to look her in the face.

“I'm hoping you'll.... stay. For the night.”

And still holding Bernie's hand she started to walk towards the the stairs, pausing at the bottom to look again at her, and seeing a small smile and a nod of the head she continued up to her bedroom. Although she had been the one to initiate this step Serena found her legs shaking with both desire and anxiety, and was relieved when Bernie closed the bedroom door quietly behind her, dreading that Jason was going to come out of his bedroom and see them. Bernie leant against the door and pulled Serena back towards her and gave her a long lingering kiss that had Serena whimpering by the time it finished. She turned Serena round and pushed her against the door, leaning her hands either side of her head, pressing her body fully against Serena's and feeling her trembling she whispered breathily in her ear.

“Are you okay to carry on? We don't have to take this any further if you don't feel ready.”

“Sorry,” said Serena with a nervous smile. “I do want you, like this, but I'm also terrified. Because if you don't..... and I can't... I scared if things don't work out how I'm imagining that … I'll lose you, lose my best friend.”

Bernie pulled away and led Serena over to sit on the bed.

“Whatever happens, or doesn't happen tonight, you won't lose me I promise. There was a time when I would have run to the other side of the world to avoid hurting someone I cared about, rather than face up to how I was feeling.”

She place a gentle kiss on Serena's lips.

“But not anymore …. not with you. This feels too important. And don't worry that it will fall short of your or my expectations. It won't be perfect whenever it happens, but we'll gradually learn what each of us needs or wants.”

Serena drew a deep breath.

“Well, could you start, by kissing me again?”

Bernie did just that, pressing their lips together with such tenderness that Serena felt a current shoot straight down her spine, and she clutched at Bernie wildly, trying to force their lips even closer, trying to feel more of Bernie's body against hers. When they broke apart they were both panting and Bernie rested her head against Serena's, suggesting that she should go and get ready for bed in the en-suite, and then when she came out she would use it, not wanting to alert Jason if she went to use the other bathroom. Serena nodded and gathered up her silky pyjamas before going in to get changed. She stood for a moment with her hands resting on the washbasin looking at her reflection in the mirror.

_At 52 I'm feeling more nervous than I did at 17 when I first had sex with anyone,_ she thought. And she visibly started when she realised the reason. _Because this isn't a means to an end, this is a big deal because she means so much to me. Because I'm in love with her._

And with that admission she felt some of the tension and fear drain out of her, to be replaced with such desire and longing that she felt the merest touch from Bernie and she would come on the spot. With trembling fingers she got undressed and decided that pyjama bottoms were an unnecessary distraction, and she walked back into the bedroom wearing her pyjama top and a pair of panties, which were already feeling rather damp from her obvious arousal. As she looked at Bernie she also recognised that she wasn't the only nervous one, and as she slid into the bed, Bernie bounded out into her bathroom. A few minutes later she returned, and like Serena she was wearing just panties on her bottom half, and a soft loose t-shirt on her top. But instead of getting into bed she sat on the edge next to Serena.

“I mean it Serena, you can say stop at any time, whenever you need to, it'll be ….” but before she could say anymore Serena almost growled.

“Shut up! Just let me kiss you again for the love of god!” And she launched herself so dramatically at Bernie that they both toppled sideways and Bernie slid off the bed and onto the floor. Stifling their giggles Bernie clambered back into bed next to Serena and they slid their arms around each other.

“Let's try that again'” murmured Bernie and they kissed, deeply, sweeping their tongues from side to side as they explored each other's mouths. Bernie broke contact first and began to place butterfly kisses down her neck stopping at her pulse point where she sucked long and hard, her one hand stroking lightly down Serena's arm and across her stomach, causing Serena to gasp. Bernie's hand was now plucking at the buttons on her top and as Serena felt them come undone she arched upwards causing the fabric to part and she felt the rush of cooler air across her breasts as they were exposed to Bernie's eyes. She felt a flush suffuse her face as she watched Bernie gaze at them with what could only be described as adoration before she bent her head and placed a kiss in the valley between them. She moved back up to kiss her mouth again and then turned her attention back to those glorious breasts, her hands stroking down over them, her thumbs grazing across her nipples applying the lightest amount of pressure which made Serena buck her hips as her sex flooded and soaked her pants even more.

“Please,” she managed to gasp, “don't wait for too long.”

Her hips were already twisting from side to side and she tried to increase the pressure down there, but Bernie kneeled up slightly and her hands held her steady as she slid a couple of fingers under the waistband of her pants and Serena lifted slightly so that Bernie could slide them down over her knees and off. Bernie sat back on her heels to drink in the sight of this wonderfully sexy woman lying virtually naked before her. There were so many things that she wanted to do, so many parts of her body that she wanted to touch and tease and kiss that she scarcely knew where to begin. A whimper from Serena and the pleading look in her eyes shook her out of her reverie. Maybe they were things to contemplate another time. She recognised the need that was almost palpable in the air, the desire that was even now throbbing between Serena's legs, for release.

She leant over her and kissed her, catching her bottom lip between hers and sucking slightly before moving swiftly down her body kissing and sucking as she went, capturing each nipple in turn making Serena groan and clutch at Bernie.

“Okay,” said Bernie tenderly, “I'll make it quick.”

Serena nodded wordlessly and reached for Bernie's hand, pushing it down her stomach and between her legs, while her other hand gripped onto the sheet beneath her. Bernie gently pushed through her folds to find her oh, so warm and wet, and Serena pushed her hips upwards to try and speed the inevitable.

“Open your legs a little more,” Bernie murmured against her stomach, the reverberations from her voice going straight to Serena's core, and she had to force her legs to relax slightly to comply with Bernie's request. Her eyes were now firmly shut as she became overwhelmed with the sensations running through her body, wanting Bernie to touch her everywhere at once. Bernie eyes stayed fixed on Serena's face as she slowly inserted first one, and then two fingers inside her, and as she built up a rhythm, Serena's hips rose up with every forward thrust of her hand. She eased her legs slightly wider apart so that as she pushed in with her fingers the heel of her hand was putting more and more pressure on her clitoris. Serena's eyes flickered open and then closed as she felt her orgasm mounting and Bernie, fearing that she would cry out covered her mouth with her own. She was now pulling her fingers further out so that when she returned them the palm of her hand was pounding against Serena's very centre, and within a matter of seconds she gave a high pitched wail as she came, clenching around Bernie's fingers, flooding her hand with her juices.

Bernie gently slowed the movements of her hand and arm until both she and Serena were still, the only sound now their ragged and heavy breathing. As that too evened out, Serena managed to open her eyes to see Bernie looking at her, smiling as if she were the most precious thing in the world. She tried to move and realised with a wave of embarrassment that Bernie's fingers were still inside her, almost trapped with the way her legs had spasmed at the height of her orgasm and she blushed as Bernie twisted slightly to slide her fingers out, and she could hear how wet she had become. Bernie trailed her hand across the sheet and up Serena's body, and Serena watched in fascination and awe as Bernie brought those fingers to her own mouth, before pushing the tips of them in, sucking and licking, her eyes closing in near ecstasy as she tasted Serena for the first time. Serena felt her body go completely limp at this sight and her own fingers scrabbled at the bed as she tried to move. Bernie re-opened her eyes and placed a little kiss on Serena's cheek, moving her mouth to her ear and whispered softly.

“It will get better in time, I promise.”

Serena's eyes widened in shock.

“Better?” she croaked incredulously. “Better may very well kill me!”

Bernie laughed softly.

“I didn't mean it quite like that, I just meant more ….. fun, less intense, less... overwhelming, for you.”

She stroked Serena's face and kissed her with all the longing she had in her body for this woman. When it ended she looked coyly at her.

“That is, if you think you'll want to do it again sometime?”

Serena made a growling noise, deep in her throat.

“First, I have to, no, I _want_ to return the favour. As soon as I can bloody move that is!” Serena stared into Bernie's eyes. “And next time, I may need to wait until Jason's not in the house. I thought I was going to burst a blood vessel trying not to scream.”

Bernie snuggled into her, pulling the covers over them both.

“Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet, so let me know when you're ready.” They smiled and kissed and smiled again, both of them feeling they were the luckiest person on the planet.

 

 


	6. Encore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts where the last chapter finished, with very little (if any) plot progression. Our two favourite surgeons do explore their feelings a bit more, but mainly just focus on more pleasurable activities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not into smut then this isn't the chapter for you. I promise a return to more of a plot with chapter 7, which will see Bernie back at her other theatre.  
> Depending on how good you are at a poker face, this may not be for reading in company. Lol.

 

Chapter 6 : Encore

 

 

After about 10 minutes of Bernie spooning Serena, placing little butterfly kisses along her shoulders and neck, Serena shook herself out of her stupor and wriggled around until she was facing Bernie.

“Okay, now that I seem to have regained control of my body, I believe that it's now _your_ turn...or maybe I mean it's _my_ turn.”

And as Bernie opened her mouth to speak, Serena continued.

“Don't you dare, for one minute, think of saying _'I'm fine'_ or ' _you don't have to_ ', because this is what  _I_ want......" she hesitated slightly before adding, "and hopefully you want it too?”

Serena's voice, that had started out so strong, gave a little wobble at the end, and as she looked at Bernie she felt tears welling up which she hastily blinked away.

“I just want to make you feel as special as you made me feel. Like you said, it won't be perfect, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't practise...right?”

Bernie swallowed with difficulty, aware of a huge lump in her throat.

“I'm very happy for you to practise your..skills. but I'm also sure anything you choose to do will be wonderful, and it won't take much, I'm already over halfway there....”

Serena gave her a long, passionate kiss.

“Right Ms Wolfe” and Bernie felt a thrill run through her as Serena addressed her as if she were a lowly F1 that needed to be given strict instructions on how to proceed.

“Firstly I need you to remove these garments you are still wearing.”

Bernie knelt up on the bed, grabbed the edge of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing two perfectly lovely breasts (in Serena's opinion), smaller than her own but still quite firm and full, and topped with the most perfect dusky pink nipples that Serena thought she had ever seen. Bernie stilled for a moment, watching Serena's face, and, in spite of the scar on her chest that she was so self-conscious of, she felt more admired by someone than she had ever thought possible. Her breathing hitched and this small sound was enough to shake Serena out of her trance. Her voice seemed to have dropped an octave as she continued.

“And the pants... if you'd be so kind.”

Bernie hooked her fingers into the waistband and eased them down over her hips, raising first her one leg and then the other as she fumbled to get rid of them completely. Just this simple act of undressing for Serena had caused her to become so aroused, especially as Serena made no effort to touch her, just let her eyes roam up and down her body. Bernie was aching with desire and could feel herself getting so wet she was sure she could feel it running down her thigh, but this felt so erotic she didn't want to break the spell.

Eventually, with a sigh Serena spoke.

“Turn around.” was all she said, and Bernie, still on her knees, pushed herself round until her back was facing Serena. She felt Serena push herself upright in the bed, and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt her hands come to rest slightly on her shoulders.

“Can you put your legs either side of mine?” she whispered. “How are your knees holding up?”

Bernie did as she asked and then croakily replied, “They're okay....for now.....S..Serena?”

“Shush,” said Serena softly, “not long now.”

She started to trail her fingers down Bernie's spine, noting small scars dotted here and there, and as she found each one, she leaned forward and gently kissed it, charting the history of Bernie's body with her mouth. Her hands moved steadily downwards until they were cupping the cheeks of her bottom, marveling at their firmness, and Bernie arched upwards on her knees as she did, emitting a small cry of longing.

“Easy,” said Serena, “you can sit down now, but push backwards so that you're sitting on my lap.”

As Bernie relaxed her now trembling thighs to meet Serena's body and spread her legs, Serena was amazed to feel the wetness from her thighs against her own. She leant forwards again and kissed along her shoulders just as Bernie had done to her a few minutes ago, and as she did, her own breasts were brought into fleeting contact with Bernie's back, grazing her nipples, and she gasped out loud at the throb that she felt in her very core. She encircled Bernie's waist with her arms drawing her ever closer until there was scarcely a sliver of air between their bodies. She gradually slid her hands up Bernie's sides until she felt the slight swell of her breasts and then moved her hands around so that she was cupping them both. Bernie's groan this time was much louder and Serena put her mouth close to her ear.

“Hush darling, don't forget Jason. I know it's hard.......” She lowered her voice even more. “I never imagined you would be the noisy one.”

Bernie, who had thrilled as she heard the word 'darling', nodded.

“I'm sorry...it's just....”

“I know,” said Serena, “we've both waited for this for too long.”

She nuzzled into Bernie's neck as she brought her thumbs up to flick across the tops of her nipples and Bernie stiffened and bit her lip in an effort not to cry out. Serena brought her forefingers up to join her thumb and she rolled and pinched and pulled at them, leaving Bernie panting as she tried to grind her hips back against Serena in an effort to ease the ache that was still building between her legs.

“Oh, Serena..” was all she could manage to say.

Serena started to kiss down Bernie's spine, her hands still fondling her breasts, tweaking the nipples almost to the point of pain, and Bernie felt as though she would come on her own, if Serena didn't help her soon.

“Please?” Bernie begged, and Serena, realising that Bernie would not last much longer, moved her hands down her torso, gliding over her stomach and hips until she had one hand resting on each thigh. Bernie's sighs and moans grew in volume again and as Serena dipped her hands between her legs, already parted on either side of her, one of her fingers made immediate contact with her clit. Bernie gave a strangled sob and pushed upwards, moving herself away from the relief that Serena was finally trying to bring to her.

“Okay, sorry,” murmured Serena, “come on, just lie down by my side,” and Bernie slid thankfully sideways to lie flat on the bed, her legs shaking. Serena turned to look down on her and stroked her face before kissing her gently.

'I am sorry” she repeated. “I was so caught up in experiencing your body... I ..” and not being able to express herself properly she kissed her again, long and deep. Bernie was still on fire and she caught hold of Serena's hand and placed it low down on her stomach, and looked pleadingly at her. Serena gently stroked across her stomach and then pushed through the curly hair until she could feel how slick and wet Bernie was. She slid her fingers gently through the folds and two of them immediately entered Bernie's opening gliding easily in until she was buried knuckle deep. Bernie closed her eyes in ecstasy and pushed her hips up from the bed as Serena started to thrust gently in and out. Bernie whimpered, and Serena, not wanting to make her wait any longer, pushed her thumb onto her clit, in rhythm with the plunging of her fingers. Bernie was gasping for breath, trying hard not to make too much noise and she reached out to grab Serena's wrist, adding her pressure to the hand that was working between her legs.

“Harder,” she whimpered, and Serena immediately increased the force and tempo of her thrusts and pressed firmly against her clit and Bernie came, her head forced backwards onto the pillow with the strength of her orgasm, the whole of her upper body suffused with a rosy glow. As Serena watched the waves of pleasure flow through her she slowly removed her fingers and reached around her to stroke her hips, pulling her gently closer. She bent her head down and kissed her stomach, inhaling her heady aroma, and then continued upwards, planting soft wet kisses as she went, until her eyes once again rested on Bernie's face. Bernie's ragged breathing had started to even out and she blinked a couple of times before focusing on Serena. What she saw alarmed her as Serena's expression changed from one of tenderness to an anxious frown that seemed to be full of self-doubt.

“What's wrong?” she blurted out, suddenly overcome with panic that Serena had already realised that caring about her was very different to what they had just shared and that this was not what she truly wanted.

Serena jumped at Bernie's words.

“What do you mean? Nothing's wrong.... is there?”

Bernie stuttered, “You looked so worried, I thought you... I didn't think you... enjoyed that.”

Serena shook her head.

“No, nothing's wrong, except I was sorry I got things wrong.... I wanted to be better for you. I know we talked about how things are hardly ever perfect, especially the... first time, but I really wanted you to think it _was...._ ”

“Perfect?” said Bernie,feeling a huge grin form on her face with relief.

Serena rolled her eyes and blushed as if Bernie had been able to see right through her.

“Oh, Serena," Bernie said tenderly, "you could have just held me for the rest of the night and let me wake up with you in the morning and it would have felt perfect to me.”

They both moved onto their sides and shuffled closer so that they could look at one another.

“I want to spend many more nights and maybe days too, learning about your body and what brings you pleasure, and I'm hoping that you feel the same way,” said Bernie.

“So it was okay?” asked Serena, shyly.

“So much more than okay.” Bernie bit her lip, a smile playing across her face. “In fact, if you'd asked me that question a bit earlier I would probably have told you it was...”

“Perfect!” they both said together, before dissolving into giggles.

Bernie kissed Serena gently and then encouraged her to turn the other way so that she could wrap her slightly long body around her, nuzzling into the hair at the base of her neck. Serena had not felt this safe and cared for in a long time, and gradually felt herself drifting off to sleep, luxuriating in the warmth of Bernie's naked body pressed against her. Bernie stayed awake a little longer, trying to work out how it had happened that finally she had done something right, something that allowed her to be sharing a bed, (dare she hope the rest of her life?) with this amazing, warm-hearted woman.

 

Knowing that neither of them needed to be in work on Sunday, Serena had omitted to set her alarm, and it was with some surprise and consternation that she awoke to a banging on the bedroom door and Jason's voice asking if she was alright. In a panic she turned to look at the woman who was sharing her bed, who was also frantically trying to rouse herself.

“I'm fine Jason,” she shouted back, “But don't come in......I'm..I'm just about to get dressed!”

Bernie was now fully awake and was searching the floor for the nightwear she had discarded so readily the night before, with the same degree of agitation as she could hear in Serena's voice.

“Okay” said Jason. “I'm already dressed so I'm going down to make a cup of tea. Shall I bring one up for you and Bernie?”

They both froze, their mouths open in shock, until Serena managed to engage her brain enough to reply.

“”Oh, err, no..... it's fine thank you Jason. I'll be....we'll be....um, see you in about 15 minutes?”

They heard his footsteps going downstairs and they looked at each other with a little trepidation.

“You don't think he.... heard anything... last night, do you?” said Bernie in a shaky voice.

Serena looked at her in horror, and then shook her head.

“No, no, I'm sure if he had heard... noises, he would have knocked the door then, not waited till this morning.”

They both gave a sigh of relief and then took in that they were both sitting up in bed completely naked, and with that knowledge and the memories of last night they both felt a wave of shyness wash over them.

“This is not how I imagined waking up with you this morning.” said Serena. “I'm sorry”

Bernie leant across and gave her a chaste kiss.

“Just waking up with you is as good as it gets as far as I'm concerned. I'll go and get dressed in the main bathroom, but if I'm downstairs before you..what, I mean is there anything I shouldn't, or should say?”

“Well, we can't very well deny that you spent the night here, and that we shared a bed but just don't offer more explanation than is necessary I guess.”

Bernie nodded in agreement and gathering her clothes together she cautiously peered around the door before sprinting along the landing to the bathroom, giving Serena a lovely view of her naked back that she was already itching to touch again. Serena swallowed with difficulty and forced herself to get out of bed, tingling all over as she remembered Bernie's touches and how Bernie's body had felt under her own ministrations.

 

Bernie walked into the kitchen a few minutes ahead of Serena and said hello to Jason before reaching for 2 mugs to make herself and Serena a coffee. Jason looked at her for a few moments before replying and his first remark was not what she had been anticipating.

“Good morning Bernie. Are you going to be living here now?”

“What?! Oh, um no, Jason, I still have my own flat, I'm not moving in here.”

“Right. Only you have been here quite a lot lately so I just wondered. You and Auntie Serena had a sleepover then?”

“I suppose so, well, sort of...yes.”

Bernie heard Serena walk in behind her, and she had never felt so relieved.

“Good morning Jason,” said Serena in a cheery voice, trying to keep things as normal as she could. “What would you like for your breakfast?”

Her attempt to sidetrack Jason didn't really work.

“I think I'd like some porridge today, please. So, I presume that Bernie shared your bed Auntie? Did you manage to sleep alright, because you're not used to sleeping with anyone are you?”

Serena opened and closed a few cupboards while she tried to formulate an answer, which was made even more difficult when she saw the slight smirk on Bernie's face.

“Yes, thank you Jason... eventually. You, err, you don't mind that Bernie stayed do you?”

Jason thought for a moment before answering.

“No, I don't mind, as long as she doesn't leave her things all over the place. Does this mean you _are_ girlfriends now?”

Bernie and Serena glanced at each other and Bernie gave a slight nod and a small shrug of her shoulders.

“Well, I suppose so... although I don't know if 'girlfriends' is the right word, it seems a little young for us, but..” and here she looked at Bernie before carrying on, “we are in a sort of relationship, so for want of a better word, yes.”

Bernie felt her stomach do a little flip hearing Serena talk about their 'relationship'.

Jason put his hand up to his chin, obviously thinking carefully about his next question, while Serena and Bernie looked nervously at each other.

“So, as Celia is my girlfriend, does that mean that she can sleep over sometime as well?”

Serena nearly dropped the spoon she was stirring the porridge with.

“Well, that's, that's a little more difficult to answer Jason. There's a lot of things to consider before I could agree to that.”

“Like what?”

Serena sighed.

“Well, first of all you'd have to be sure that Celia would want to, and then you, she.. _we_ would have to talk to her parents to make sure they were happy about it. And I would need to know that you...and of course she....maybe we should discuss this another time Jason, your porridge is ready!”

“Okay” said Jason. “Can I take it into the lounge? I want to watch the Andrew Marr Show”

Serena nodded and sank gratefully onto a stool as he left the kitchen. Bernie walked over and put her hands on her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head.

“Masterfully done Auntie,” she teased.

“That's merely a short reprieve,” said Serena. “It won't be long before he returns to the topic.”

Bernie stroked Serena's arm.

“Why don't you have a word with Alan? I'm sure he's encountered this sort of problem before and could at least give you some tips. He might even volunteer to have _that_ conversation.”

Serena covered Bernie's hand with her own.

“I don't suppose you could help? I mean it must have come up with Cameron surely?”

“Oh no,no. I left most of that side of things to Marcus. If Cam did ask me something I just tried to be honest. But no, I don't think I should get that involved, not at the moment.”

Serena laughed. “Well thanks for that!”

She turned towards her just as Bernie leaned over to give her a gentle kiss, and it somehow lasted a lot longer than either of them had intended. Serena swiveled right round on the stool to put her arms around Bernie as their tongues met, softly sliding against each others lips, probing and tasting. Bernie gave a small whimper as her hands moved to rest on the counter top either side of Serena, offering some small support for her legs that were beginning to feel a little shaky. A minute later they pulled apart, both of them gasping for breath.

“So, how...um, how did you see the rest of the day working out?” asked Bernie. “Was.. was there anything in particular you wanted to do?”

“Well, I'd rather hoped for some alone time with you, if that's something you'd want too?” said Serena her eyes glinting dangerously.

Bernie nodded, not trusting her voice enough to actually speak.

“In that case,” sighed Serena, “I should go and talk to Jason to see what, if anything, he has arranged for today.”

She looked at Bernie apologetically.

“I'm sorry this wasn't planned better, I don't think I, we, could leave him alone if he hasn't anything he's committed to. As you know I've been neglecting him recently and I need him to know that I'm sorry for that.”

She turned and walked into the lounge, leaving Bernie to sink down onto the stool she had just vacated. She looked in astonishment at her hands that were trembling slightly. Normally they were as steady as a rock, no matter what trauma she was facing in theatre, something she and every surgeon prided themselves on. But being near to Serena made her whole body feel shaky, not under her control. As used as she was to burying her emotions, not letting other people see past her carefully crafted facade, she was finding it harder and harder not to show the happiness she felt whenever she was close to her.

Strangely, some might think, she'd never thought of herself as being a very sexual sort of person. In her youth she'd not actively sought out anyone with the object of having sex with them. She could hardly remember ever initiating sex with Marcus, those times could certainly be counted on one hand. It was okay when they did it, but it was never the earth shattering experience she heard others talk about. So she'd merely decided that those stories were something of a myth, until she met Alex. She had been so taken by surprise at the intensity of her feelings when Alex had kissed her that she had tried to hide from it, not understanding exactly what had happened. She was still never the one to take it further, and instead had left it up to Alex to pursue her, and finally break down her resolve. She had since recognised that the guilt she felt at betraying Marcus and her children, had meant that outside of the traumatic environment they existed in, their relationship could never have survived. And she had never understood what Alex had seen in her, never found the confidence to begin any sexual encounter with her, however much she had thought about it.

But Serena? Serena made her feel so wanted, so.. sexy, something she had thought impossible. Her heart started to race at the mere thought of the woman in the next room.

“ _I love her,”_ she thought to herself. “ _I love looking at her, touching her, sitting next to her, thinking of her. Just catching a glimpse of her makes me feel both excited and yet calm at the same time.”_

Bernie blinked, her eyes filling with tears as she recalled last night, seeing Serena gazing at her as if she was the most desirable woman on the planet. And in her heart, that was what scared her the most too. That Serena would stop looking at her like that, that she would decide that this relationship, fun as it was, wasn't what she wanted in the long term. That she would never be 'the one' for her. She drew a ragged breath and shook her head, well aware of the demons that lurked there.

“ _In that case,”_ she thought, _“I need to make the most of what we have now. Not to run away from it, but to embrace it, even if it ends tomorrow. I have to face how I feel, and trust that Serena, miraculously will feel the same.”_

She rubbed away the few tears that had fallen as she heard Serena returning and she turned towards her with a smile on her face as she waited to hear what the rest of the day held for them.

“Well Ms Wolfe, it seems as if this is our lucky day,” said Serena in her best school ma'am voice.

“Really?” said Bernie, crossing her fingers behind her back.

Serena could not contain the joy in her voice.

“Uh huh. Jason has been asked to Celia's for dinner and doesn't expect to be back until around 5pm.”

She leaned over Bernie and pushed her hands through her tousled locks.

“So, I thought that maybe we could take a little walk this morning, followed by an early lunch and then back here....... to further my education?”

The last four words were whispered right next to Bernie's ear in a voice like molten chocolate. Bernie's breathing hitched and she felt a stirring between her legs.

“ _God, her voice alone could give me an orgasm,”_ she thought and she gave Serena a mischievous smile before pulling her down to kiss her soundly, her hands slipping under Serena's top, to stroke her back. It was Serena who broke away, and taking a deep breath she stepped backwards out of Bernie's reach.

“Right,” she said brusquely, “let's get going on our walk shall we?”

Bernie started to protest.

“Serena it's only 9.20am. We've not had breakfast, and we'd need to be walking for at least two and a half hours before we could go anywhere for lunch.”

“Fine!” said Serena, slightly exasperated, “how about an hours walk, followed by 'brunch' and then back here?”

“Um..what.... what time is Jason leaving?” asked Bernie quietly.

Serena raised an eyebrow. “Around 11.00am I believe.”

Bernie put her hands round Serena's waist and pulled her close.

“I'd probably be quite happy with a take away coffee and a muffin,” she murmured, nuzzling into Serena's neck.

Ten minutes later they were walking down the drive, hand in hand, and it was only 11.15am when they walked back through the front door, clutching a bag containing two blueberry muffins and two empty coffee cups. Serena walked leisurely into the kitchen and placed the cups in the bin and popped the muffins into the cake tin.

As she turned away from the cupboard she was forcibly pushed back against it by Bernie, as she pressed herself against Serena's body and kissed her hungrily. Although taken by surprise, Serena responded in like manner and wrapped her arms around Bernie, her one hand cupping the back of her head, making sure they stayed in close contact. Their tongues slid against each other, their mouths opening wide to grant each other access and their hands were grabbing at their clothes trying to pull each other ever closer. Their breathing turned into gasps and when they finally broke apart they were both trembling and slightly giddy. As they stood there, foreheads touching, Serena suddenly panicked at the thought that Jason might still be in the house. She pushed Bernie away and walked towards the lounge shouting “Jason!” as loudly as she could, before stopping to listen intently for any reply. When there was no answer from any part of the house she dropped thankfully onto the sofa, feeling quite shaky. Bernie who had initially been startled by Serena's sudden exit, had followed her, and she sat down next to her.

“Sorry,” said Serena, I need to think these moments through a little more thoroughly If I don't want my blood pressure to sky rocket dangerously high.”

“Well that's no fun,” teased Bernie. “And I don't know about you but I think my blood pressure was already heading for the stratosphere.”

Serena glared at Bernie, the disapproval she felt at that remark written all over her face.

“Alright, I do get it,” Bernie conceded, “but if this is what we both ultimately want, then at some point he has to know that we share more than an occasional kiss and a quick cuddle.”

“I know that,” Serena said testily, “but try to imagine how you would have felt if Cam or more especially Charlotte had walked in on a kiss like that, before they really understood who you were. Don't try to tell me that you wouldn't feel even the slightest bit embarrassed? This..this is all new to me, so I'm sorry if sometimes I get a bit uptight about it.”

Bernie bowed her head in acknowledgement at Serena's words, and her heart ached slightly realising that Serena was still having an internal battle with her feelings and this relationship. But she pushed those thoughts away, determined to carry on forwards in the hope that she would be able to convince her that they were meant to be together. She also vowed never to tell her how much she loved her until Serena said those words to her.

She nudged her with her shoulder.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“So.... now we've established that Jason isn't on the premises, what did you have in mind for the rest of the day?”

And although she'd never be as good at it as Serena, she arched her eyebrows in what she hoped was a vaguely suggestive manner.

Serena reached out for Bernie's hand and intertwined their fingers, and blushing slightly she stood up and pulled Bernie to stand beside her.

“I think that next week is going to be another very busy one for both of us and I'm not sure how much time we'll get to spend together, so... perhaps we should make the most of today?”

As she was speaking Serena had started walking towards the hall and Bernie followed, their hands still linked together, with a small smile on her face. They climbed the stairs slowly, stopping on at least two occasions to just turn and gaze at one another, both of them wanting to preserve these moments when nothing seemed to exist outside of themselves. When they arrived at the bedroom they both stared at the disheveled state of the bed, which only served to remind them of the intimacy of the previous night and Serena shivered as Bernie pulled her close to her.

“It doesn't seem worth re-making it …..does it?” she whispered in a low voice so close to Serena's ear that it made her stomach clench. She shook her head, trying to formulate some response from the jumbled thoughts that were whirling around her brain, when Bernie bent her head and kissed her. And, in that kiss, Serena felt the world slip away. It was slow and soft in ways that words never could be, and she did her best to pour all her affection, care and love back at Bernie as they sank slowly onto the mattress.

Their exploration of each other was simultaneously far more leisurely and yet also more intense when compared to the previous evening. They undressed each other which Serena found incredibly arousing, as she peeled away each layer from Bernie and gently touched and stroked each new area of skin as it was exposed. She started to get butterflies in her stomach as Bernie did the same to her, not because she was ashamed of her body, which was obviously more curvaceous than Bernie's, but she worried that Bernie would find her 'rubenesque' figure less attractive in the harsh light of day. Those worries were soon dispelled as Bernie's eyes raked up and down Serena's figure, her mouth parted, almost panting in anticipation of touching her again. She moved her gaze back up to Serena's face before putting her mouth close to her ear, licking along it's edge and gently sucking the fleshy lobe, prior to murmuring into it.

“Turn over, and lie on your front.”

Serena's eyes widened slightly, and a warm feeling spread from her belly, radiating out to all her extremities before settling between her legs. She scrambled to obey and lying face down she could hear Bernie's breathing becoming more ragged and could feel the heat of her body very close, but not yet touching. She nearly leapt out of her skin as Bernie's hand ghosted down her back, barely making contact until one hand rested on the swell of her backside. Her touch was firmer here, rubbing, caressing and squeezing each cheek in turn, and Serena tried to speak, but all that came out was a long, drawn out moan. Bernie thrilled as she heard that noise and she bent her head down to where her hand had just been and she kissed and bit and sucked as hard as she could, determined to leave marks to show exactly where she had been. She moved even further down until her mouth was resting on the spot where her buttocks curved under, very close to Serena's core as she murmured, “You're so sexy ...so voluptuous.” and Serena felt the vibration of her voice travel between her legs and she cried out in pleasure.

Bernie slowly eased herself back up the bed until her head was resting next to Serena's on the pillow, her hand still stroking up and down her spine, from the nape of her neck to the curve of her buttocks, smoothing around them and then traveling back up to her neck.

“Serena?”

She managed to summon the will to turn her head and look at Bernie.

“Hmm?”

“If I do anything that you're not happy with or ready for, tell me. Or if you want me to do something I'm not, then show me. Yes?”

Serena nodded, still having trouble speaking.

“Bernie?” she finally managed.

Bernie's hand stilled as she waited for Serena to continue.

“Less talk.... more...”

Bernie smiled. “With pleasure.”

She draped one of her long legs across Serena's backside and gently manoeuvred herself across so that she was practically lying on top of Serena, who could feel her breasts and nipples pressing into her back. Pushing herself up on her forearms and with her legs either side of Serena's she started to kiss all around the back of her neck and then down her spine. She carried on down, noting with satisfaction some purplish marks peppering Serena's bottom, and this time when she reached the top of her legs she pushed them slightly apart so that she could kiss the inside of her thighs. Bernie could smell and see Serena's evident arousal, the curls there damp and glistening and she yearned to taste her. But no, she decided, not this time, not yet.

Serena's body was already taut with desire, but while she was desperate for Bernie's touch she was enjoying the foreplay, the build up so much, she didn't want it to end. Not yet. Now that she knew the pleasure that being with a woman...no, being with _Bernie_ , could bring, the desperate urgency of last night was no longer such a pressing need. And the freedom of being in an empty house meant that she could be as vocal as she wished, and the groans and moans that were issuing in an almost constant stream from her mouth was also getting Bernie incredibly turned on.

“Turn over” she said and sliding to the side she helped Serena flip onto her back. Now she hovered between Serena's legs as she pushed them even wider apart noting how puffy and wet she was down there. She blew gently along her slit and she planted a small kiss into the curly triangle on her mound. Serena's legs stiffened and her back arched upwards as every fibre of her being was screaming for release, but she kept her mouth tightly shut. This slow, almost languid build-up felt so beautiful, made her feel so special, that she refused to beg for more.

Bernie was now moving up her body, over her stomach, still kissing, sucking and biting as she went, knowing that in a few hours Serena's body would show the marks of how much she belonged with Bernie. Her own sex was throbbing and she needed to make this woman understand what she meant to her, how she adored every part of her. She drew circles with her tongue around her belly button causing Serena to quiver, and then moved ever upwards until her mouth was lavishing attention on those generous ample globes, her tongue moving in a spiral towards the rosy protruding nipple at its' centre. Bernie's own nipples were very erect by now as they grazed against Serena's body, causing such intense pleasure that she could feel her own juices leaking down her thighs and she moaned softly as she captured one of Serena's nipples in her mouth. Serena had been lying with her eyes closed as Bernie was bestowing all this attention on her body, but her eyes flew open and locked with Bernie's as she continued to suck hard before releasing the now red, swollen nipple with a pop. Still gazing into those oh, so dark eyes, Bernie moved over to Serena's other breast, repeating her actions slowly, deliberately as she engulfed her other nipple into her mouth. Serena's back arched again and her eyes fluttered shut as she whimpered at the sensations coursing through her body. With another pop Bernie released her hold on the engorged peak and started to move up again towards Serena's neck, sensing that neither of them could last much longer.

After kissing and sucking and biting at Serena's pulse point, Bernie dragged herself up and placed her hands either side of Serena's face and kissed her deeply, enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed close together, and the warmth of her mouth. Gasping slightly she pulled away and spoke in a husky voice.

“As much as I'm enjoying this....I'm sure my heart will explode if we don't bring it to a conclusion very soon. Do you agree?”

Serena's eyes flicked open and she saw the raw need in Bernie's face that she was sure must be mirrored in her own. She nodded and summoned the strength to bring a hand up to stroke along Bernie's face, tangling her fingers in her hair.

“Please,” she finally begged.

Bernie eased Serena's legs as far apart as she could placing her own inside them and she ground her hips down so that their mounds were pressed tightly together and then encouraged Serena to hook one of her legs around her hips exposing her inner labia. She then started to thrust with her pelvis, pushing both down and then up and could feel her own lips being forced apart with every drive forwards which caused the most exquisite friction over and around her clit. She needed to be sure that Serena was getting a similar experience so she stilled for a moment looking anxiously into her face, waiting for her response. Serena's hands flew up to grip Bernie's arms followed by a strangled cry.

“No!.....don't, don't stop now!”

Bernie smiled as she slowly started to move again.

“Is this enough for you?” she asked, beginning to pant with the effort, and the building tension between her legs.

“God, yes!,” Serena nearly shouted, and then slightly more hesitantly , “Faster?”

They were both riding a wave towards their peak and the sensation of their bodies sliding together was so intense that Bernie knew she was only seconds away from coming. She ground down even harder and pushed herself as upright as she could and she could feel their clits actually rubbing against each other. She heard Serena start to whimper and her hands came up to grab hold of Bernie's backside, digging her fingers in as her own hips bucked upwards and suddenly she was over the edge, and she came with a wail, flinging her head back into the pillow.

The sight of Serena in the throws of her orgasm was all Bernie needed and with a shuddering spasm that shook her whole body, she came too, falling forwards as her juices gushed out covering Serena's sex and thighs. She carried on moving ever more slowly as the aftershocks echoed through them both, finally stopping as she summoned up her last bit of energy to place a soft kiss on Serena's lips as she slid sideways onto the bed utterly spent. They lay there, side by side, their hands seeking the others, and their fingers entwined.

Serena turned her head to gaze at Bernie's beautiful profile and knew in that instant that even if she never spoke the words out loud, she would remember this point in time as the moment that she knew that Bernie truly loved her. With every touch, every kiss, every breath, she had expressed what her words sometimes struggled to say.

Serena slowly pulled the duvet across their bodies and closed her eyes as they snuggled closer, and sated, they both fell into a light slumber where dreams of unrequited love were no longer necessary.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie learns that she still finds relationships difficult, and Serena finds that she has a new admirer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this shorter chapter has taken so long to post. Circumstances in the real world have been a tad overwhelming recently, which I think accounts for a degree of angst that I hadn’t planned on writing. I’m thinking that another chapter or two will wrap this up nicely, but I may be still be slower than usual to post.  
> As ever my thanks to anyone who has left kudos, or even just taken the time to read it, and special thanks to those who’ve been kind enough to leave a comment. I know everyone says it, but it truly does make a difference.

Chapter 7

‘Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do’  
Paul Coelho

  
Serena had been correct in her surmise that they probably wouldn’t see each other much over the next few days. Bernie had a couple of late shifts, and although Serena kept her promise not to work very late, she was rarely ready to leave when Bernie was working a normal day. And now that Henrik had returned to his home to recuperate, she arranged with him that she would occasionally go there after work to chat about any concerns, and to keep him in the loop. She was also passing some of the more straightforward administration duties to him, for which he was very grateful, not liking being confined to his apartment with nothing to distract him.  
However there were still interminable meetings with the board and the heads of departments, so that even if Bernie found herself on the fifth floor, the chances of Serena being available were very slim. On a couple of occasions they locked eyes across a ward or bumped into each other at Pulses, and then there was a heated look, or light touch that reminded them both of the previous weekend.   
There was just once when Bernie managed to arrive at Hanssen’s office minutes before Serena was due to meet with some department heads, and they met in the middle of the room, their arms snaking around one another, their lips drawn together like magnets. When they finally pulled apart, they were grinning foolishly, Serena’s eyes were shining, and Bernie’s were dark with desire.  
“I may even be able to get away on time tonight,” Serena said nonchalantly. “If you think you’d like to come over for tea?”   
Bernie’s face fell.  
“Oh, bugger,” she said in frustration, “The Crescent has asked me to go in and join a pre-production meeting of a new one-off project that is being proposed by the Chairman. And for some reason that I don’t understand, my presence is a requirement, god knows why!”  
Serena stroked Bernie’s arm in consolation.  
“It’s okay, it can’t be helped. Perhaps we can sort something out for this weekend?”  
Bernie pulled Serena as close as she could, their bodies meshing together perfectly.  
“God I hope so!” Her voice lowered and Serena legs buckled slightly at her next words.  
“You have no idea how much I want to lay you flat on this desk and ravish you right this minute!”  
The twinkle in Serena’s eyes returned ten-fold, as she took a ragged breath.  
“And you have no idea how much I would love you to do that, but….I think Jac Naylor and the ex-patient who wishes to make a significant donation, may not see it in quite the same light!”   
Bernie couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her face.  
“It would be good to see any other look than disdain on Jac’s face. Makes me want to try and see if we could be the ones to do it..”   
Serena arched an eyebrow in mock reproof, and stole one last kiss from Bernie’s delectable lips before pushing her towards the door.  
“Go, now! Before either of us gets too carried away. Ring me when you get back from the theatre and we’ll sort something out for the weekend.”  
As Bernie headed to the stairs she saw Jac approaching and couldn’t help the broad grin that spread across her face as she thought of being found with Serena ‘in flagrante delicto’ by Ms Naylor.

The rest of her shift was quite hectic, and Bernie arrived at the Crescent a little later than she’d planned. She was still puzzled by the request that she attend this meeting to discuss a future production that no one appeared to know anything about. And as far as she knew the coming season was already going ahead with the next three plays already cast. She arrived at the meeting room after everyone else, and apologised for being late, quickly taking her seat at the table.  
David, the chairman, welcomed everyone and got straight down to business.  
“Firstly, I apologise for the lack of notice for this meeting, and I’m very grateful for the effort you have all made to be here.  
I have an idea that I’m hoping will get your support, one that I think will draw in a completely different set of patrons, and that could profit our little company. But because our season is already under way there are only 2 or 3 dates that are available for what I have in mind.”  
Bernie was now more confused than ever. She had no vote on what the theatre management team decided they would perform, so what use was she here, at this meeting? She raised a finger to attract his attention, and, as if he could read her mind, he turned towards her before continuing.  
“Ms Wolfe, the main reason for your being here is because I am hoping that you will be able to influence someone who in my opinion is integral to the whole idea.  
As some of you are aware, last month we played host to Holby City Hospital so that they could raise funds for a project they wished to get off the ground, and as far as I’m aware it was quite successful.”   
He looked at Bernie for confirmation. Bernie nodded, just wishing he would hurry up and get to the point.  
“Well,” he said, smiling at the rest of them, “I was thinking that we could try something very similar to raise funds, not only for ourselves, but perhaps for a local charity as well. My proposal is that we consider putting on a ‘one night only’ show, consisting of songs from musicals and Broadway shows from across the years. We can mainly utilise the talent that we already have within the company, but seeing how this idea grew from watching a certain, captivating surgeon from Holby City perform, I’m rather hoping that Ms Wolfe here will be able to persuade Ms Serena Campbell to join the cast for this venture.”  
And he turned and smiled at Bernie inviting her to respond.

Bernie’s eyes had widened in surprise as what he was proposing sank in.  
“Why…. What makes you think….that she… why do you think I..?”   
Bernie stopped as she realised she had so far said nothing that made any sense. She tried again.  
“I don’t understand why you think I would be able to influence her decision?”  
David gave her a rather condescending smile.  
“Well, I do apologise for springing this on you, but you did seem as if you were good friends when I met you both, and as the only contact number I had for her was her work mobile, and I didn’t feel that this was something I should talk to her about whilst she was on duty. Plus, I also thought that if you were on board with the whole idea then you could perhaps pitch it to her in a favourable way?”  
Bernie was struggling with this turn of events. She absolutely believed that Serena was talented enough to do this, but she found herself slightly upset that someone else had been as enamoured of Serena and her singing as she had been. She’d imagined that Serena had been singing just for her, and it came as a shock to learn that others had felt a similar connection. The tightening in her chest made her aware of how jealous it made her feel.  
But there was even more to it than that.  
‘ _This place is **my** place, my escape hatch that I unknowingly invited her into.’_ she thought. ‘ _And now she’s being asked to come here in her own right, into my territory.’_  
She knew she was being ridiculous but the sensation of being usurped was very strong. She suddenly came to, realising that everyone seated there was waiting for her reply.  
“Well, I… um.. I’ll ask her of course, but as she has taken on some of Mr Hanssen’s responsibilities, she is extremely busy at the moment and I wouldn’t want to raise anybody’s hopes.”   
Bernie’s tone was quite clipped, but was unwilling to sound enthusiastic in any way.   
“But if you can let me know the dates you have in mind I will see what I can do.”  
Bernie hoped she wasn’t sounding too dismissive and managed to summon up a small smile, but the chairman held up his hands in mock defeat, all too aware that Bernie was not happy.  
“Of course, I do understand that this may well be too much for her to consider at this time, but if you would pass on my contact details to her and tell her that I would appreciate a call within the next 5 days I will be satisfied… for now. You could also mention that I would be happy for her to decide the other charity that could benefit, if she chooses to take part.”  
He turned to the rest of those present and smiled broadly.  
“I know that some of you were not present at the Holby event, so I’m asking you to take my word that she is a very good performer, and very attractive to look at too.”  
Bernie had to steal herself not to make a scene over what she regarded as overtly sexist remarks. She merely stood up, her lips set into a thin line and giving a small nod of acknowledgement to the rest of those present she left the room her hands clenched into fists by her sides. She was mad and upset for a whole manner of reasons and desperately needed to get some fresh air. After walking around in circles for about 30 minutes she had calmed down sufficiently to get into her car and go home.   
Once in her flat she grabbed a half bottle of whisky and a glass and threw herself onto her bed, staring unseeingly into the distance. She was trying to rationalise her jumble of feelings, but so many of them were wrapped up in the fact that she was emotionally involved with Serena, that she was finding it almost impossible to be objective.  
She downed her first tumbler of whisky whilst trying to accept that others (men) found Serena attractive, and that up until they had kissed, that was the only sort of relationship Serena had had. So Bernie became convinced, and it made perfect sense to her, that if she knew someone as handsome and successful as David was interested in her, then Serena would be bound to regard their weekend of passion as a little dalliance, a mid-life crisis. That made her feel so wretched that she downed another glassful of whisky to try and dull the pain she was experiencing. After refilling the glass and emptying it for a third time she came to the somewhat flawed conclusion that she needed to give herself some space before she spoke to Serena about this, even as she also acknowledged that she was behaving in a totally irrational manner. So she poured herself another and another drink until she felt herself sliding into an alcoholic stupor, just managing to place both glass and (nearly empty) bottle onto the floor before she lost consciousness.  
When Bernie awoke the following day, it was to an excruciating sore head, something she hadn’t experienced for a very long time.  
‘ _Must be getting old,’_ she thought, ‘ _I was generally the last man standing during my early army career.’_  
She moved very gingerly into the bathroom to have a shower and was feeling marginally better until she picked up her phone and saw 7 messages from Serena.  
“Shit!” she exclaimed out loud, only now remembering her promise to ring her after the meeting at the theatre. The texts started out fairly innocently asking if the meeting was going well, was she enjoying herself? But then the tone increasingly revealed rising levels of anxiety which finally turned to anger that she hadn’t heard anything. She was just holding the phone in her hand trying to clear her head so that she could think of how to respond when the it rang, startling her so much she dropped it on the bed. She made a grab for it and swiped to answer just in time.  
“Um… hi?” was all that she could think of saying.  
“Oh, so you are still alive then?” came the clipped tones of Serena’s voice, dripping with sarcasm.  
“Only, you know, I did send one or two messages that you blatantly ignored. I’m taking it that you had more than a good time then?”  
Bernie cringed at the bitterness that overflowed from those words, knowing full well that she couldn’t justify any of her behaviour.  
“Err… not particularly, no.” said Bernie, and was startled by the hiss of annoyance from the other end of the phone.  
“Serena, I’m sorry….. I forgot about phoning…” well, because….”   
And Bernie’s voice faded away unable to find the words to explain what had happened.  
Serena had also gone quiet for the moment. She worried what Bernie was about to say, after all they were still very much in the early stages of a relationship, plenty of scope for Bernie to regret what had happened between them, especially if someone at the theatre had declared an interest in her. Charles’s comment came unbidden into her mind.  
‘ _Lots of the younger members of the company are smitten with Ms Wolfe, men and women.’_  
And as usual, when Serena was hurt, real or imagined, she immediately took the offensive.  
“You know what, don’t bother trying to explain. Forget about it! I’m assuming that you’ll be in work today? I should let you know that I’m going to be busy, so don’t bother trying to find me. If you do have anything you would like to share I suggest you send me a text. If, of course you remember how that works!”  
Serena cut the connection and threw her phone onto her desk, tears threatening to spill, her bottom lip quivering. She grabbed a tissue to dab at her eyes.   
‘ _God, what a fool I’ve made of myself.’_ she thought, ‘ _that was not how I wanted the conversation to go!’_  
She took a deep breath before gathering up a folder and headed off to the ED, needing to speak to Ethan Hardy about a blog that had surfaced criticising the management of a recent major incident that the casualty department had handled. If he had realised the state of mind the acting CEO was in this morning, he would have run a mile.

Bernie had sat down abruptly at Serena’s dismissal, staring blankly at her phone. She knew she had handled that badly and that she needed to find a way to apologise properly, but she had been totally unprepared for the vitriol she had detected in Serena’s voice. She rubbed her hand over her eyes, and decided that getting to work as quickly as possible and trying to speak to Serena face to face was the only way to try and put this right. She headed off to the bathroom in search of paracetamol, and prayed that nothing too complicated in the way of surgery was headed her way today.

After laying the law down in the ED, Serena was headed back to her office, still not able to get Bernie out of her mind. A little voice in her head was niggling at her, telling she had not given Bernie enough time to explain what had happened.  
‘ _You know how she struggles when she has to talk about feelings, even when you’re face to face, would it have hurt to have given her a little more time to gather her thoughts?’_  
As she entered the office she shook herself and took a deep breath. She decided that there was nothing to be done right now, so she would do her best to get on with the day and see if Bernie made any attempt to speak to her later. Her office phone rang and as she reached for it she put on her business face, looking for all the world like the professional she was, even though she felt that she was breaking a little on the inside.

By midday they had both managed to muddle through, and although Bernie wasn’t really hungry, she bought a coffee and sandwich from Pulses and headed to the roof to get a little fresh air. Once up there she got out her phone trying to decide how to phrase the text she needed to send to Serena. After composing and deleting at least five attempts she finally came up with one that was as direct as she could make it.  
‘ **Hi…. I’m sorry, but I hope you already know that. If you’re free I’m on the roof for the next 30 mins (unless I’m paged.) If you would like to talk face to face, and are able to get away I’ll wait for as long as I can. If you aren’t free at the moment, will you please come to AAU before you leave tonight? I’m here until 8. Please Serena, let me try to put this right. x**

She sat down on the metal steps and opened her sandwich, staring at her phone, willing Serena to reply. She managed all of two bites before she tore it into small pieces and threw it down for any resident pigeons. She took a few sips of coffee and lit a cigarette, still not able to believe how badly she had messed up in the space of one night. And because of what? Her stupid pride and jealousy. Marcus has certainly got it right when he had accused her of being rubbish at relationships. Her record so far was 100%. Marcus, Alex, her children and now, seemingly, Serena. She hated that she had drawn her into this mess, because she had truly believed that this time she would get it right, that she had learnt from her previous mistakes, that this connection she felt she had with Serena was special, and yet she’d still hurt the only person she could envisage being part of her future life. Even if she left Holby now, she’d already done the damage and tears started to trickle down her face as she tried to keep her equilibrium. She stood on wobbly legs, knowing there was no point in staying there any longer… Serena hadn’t replied so the best she could hope for was that she would visit AAU by the end of the day, but she wouldn’t be holding her breath.

“Don’t say you’re leaving already, given that you asked me to come up here?”  
Serena’s voice was clipped and her face was set in a frown as Bernie whirled round in surprise as she heard her speak. But when Serena took in the tear marks down Bernie’s cheeks that she was desperately trying to wipe away, her face softened.  
“Bernie? Are you alright?” she asked.  
It was Bernie’s turn to frown, a puzzled look passing over her features.  
“What? You ask me that after my behaviour last night? Don’t forget you’re talking to someone who screws everything up sooner or later….. although this mess has set a new record, even for me!”  
Serena could scarcely believe the self-loathing that she could hear in Bernie’s voice. She closed the distance between them as fast as she could and reached out to grasp one of her hands, but Bernie pulled away.  
“Bernie… yes, you hurt my feelings last night but I was just as horrible to you this morning when I refused to let you try to explain. I’m sure that unless you want to end this… now,” and Serena gulped as she spoke those words, “ then I don’t see it as anything that we can’t work through.”  
Bernie could hardly believe what she was hearing.  
“You mean…. you, you don’t hate me?”  
Serena huffed and pulled her into a hug.  
“Of course I don’t! I was angry this morning because I half wondered, imagined, that you’d had a better offer from someone you knew at the theatre…… someone younger…” and even as she said it she realised how stupid and childish they sounded.  
“Bernie, this is sounding more and more like a huge misunderstanding because we both jumped to ridiculous conclusions. I was mainly worried about you, and that made me angry, I’d even considered ringing round the hospitals to see if you’d had an accident.  
She sighed and pushed them slightly apart.  
“I have to go, I begged out of a meeting when I got your message, saying there was an emergency I had to deal with. Will you come to mine, after you finish tonight? So we can talk this through?”  
Bernie blinked and managed to give a small, watery smile.  
“Sorry I just……”  
“So did I” finished Serena. “How old are we?”   
She gave Bernie a chaste peck on the lips and then turned to go back downstairs, but paused just before she disappeared from sight.  
“I will see you later? Please?”  
Bernie nodded. “Of course.” And then she exhaled loudly as she watched Serena leave. Still feeling emotional but a lot less anxious she returned to AAU.

It was about 8.30pm when she pulled up on Serena’s drive and she wiped her hands on her jeans before getting out of the car, her palms feeling sweaty with nerves. The door opened before she reached it, and there was Serena holding her hand out to pull her inside, omitting to mention that she had been glued to the window for the last 30 minutes, terrified that Bernie might have had second thoughts about coming. She led her into the kitchen and served her a bowl of spaghetti with a bolognaise sauce she had made, and which she and Jason had eaten earlier. Bernie was suddenly acutely aware that she had consumed nothing but coffee all day, and ate voraciously everything that Serena put in front of her, which meant in less than 25 minutes after she had walked into the house, Serena was once again taking her hand to lead her into the lounge.  
Jason was watching a new episode of one of his current favourite programmes, called Taskmaster. Serena had been surprised to find he enjoyed it so much, as the tasks that were set were definitely pointless and often messy, but it appealed to his logical side as he could often see how the challenge could have been much easier to complete if the contestants had only read the set of instructions more carefully. Serena enjoyed it as it didn’t involve any participation on her part, and was often hysterically funny.  
She sat down on the sofa and pulled Bernie close to her, so that they were leaning in towards one another, and they soon found themselves chuckling at the ludicrous attempts of the five comedians taking part, not too loudly however, as this would upset Jason. When it finished Jason announced he was going to bed and said goodnight before handing the remote control to Serena, who immediately switched the TV off as soon as he had left the room. Bernie, who had felt very comfortable while Jason had been in the room, now started to get decidedly twitchy as she thought about the conversation that was going to come. Serena turned towards her and lifted one of her hands, placing it between her two, and stroked it gently.  
“So,” said Serena, sounding a lot calmer than she felt, “ shall we discuss what happened – or rather what didn’t happen – last night, that ended up with me feeling like a nervous wreck?”  
And then before Bernie had had chance to form one word in her head, Serena continued.  
“You don’t need to apologise again, I do believe that you are truly sorry. I just want to know what happened that caused you to forget what we had arranged, to forget me?” A little tremor crept into her voice as she spoke the last few words.  
Bernie looked shocked.  
“I..I didn’t…. couldn’t forget you Serena. The whole reason for my being at that meeting was you.”

And somewhat falteringly Bernie went on to tell her exactly what had been said, and how the chairman was hoping that Bernie would be able to persuade her to sing on stage again, at the Crescent. Serena sat there stunned at what she was hearing and even when Bernie stopped speaking she struggled to know what question to ask first.  
“So what happened then? Why didn’t you phone or even come round to talk to me, it can’t have been that late, surely?”  
Bernie hung her head and mumbled a few words before Serena interrupted.  
“I can’t hear a word you’re saying, can you please speak up a bit?”  
Bernie sighed and tried again.  
“I do realise that nothing I have to say is going to make me look good in your eyes you know.”  
And she gently pulled her hand away from Serena’s grasp so that she could place one on each knee to steady herself.  
“I went straight home… and got drunk. Drank myself unconscious basically, not that it took me very long, I hadn’t eaten much all day… again. I… I was certainly incapable of texting or ringing you, and was so out of it I didn’t hear any of your messages coming through.”  
Bernie was visibly shaking now, and Serena tried to rub her arm to calm her slightly, but she flinched and drew away before carrying on.  
“I was…upset, annoyed…. jealous.. I suppose,” her voice was now little more than a whisper, and she was wringing her hands, looking anywhere but at Serena.  
“I’m not proud of how I reacted, it was childish, selfish and as a result I…. hurt you. I am so, so sorry, you do know that don’t you?”   
Serena wanted to put her arms around this tortured soul, but held back, not wanting to overload her emotions.  
“Of course I do. But… I still don’t understand. Jealous? I mean, you don’t harbour a hidden desire to perform do you? Because that would definitely be a big surprise.”  
Bernie managed a small smile at Serena’s words.  
“No…no, of course I don’t, the mere thought fills me with dread… but…”  
Serena waited patiently while Bernie tried to sort out the words that were flying around her head, hoping to sort them into a sequence that might make a coherent sentence. Finally the words came tumbling out, all at once with barely a pause to take a breath.  
“But the theatre, the Crescent was mine, and I know it sounds stupid, I can hear how stupid it sounds, and it was me who wanted you to see it… my escape hatch… but then there was the show and you were enchanting and the chairman only wanted me at the meeting so that I could try and persuade you to sing again. And he obviously thinks you’re fantastic whereas I’m just useful, and… and it hurt Serena, it hurt that he likes you, no, probably more than likes you and I feel like my sanctuary has gone, and that if he fancies you as much I think he does, then you might find you like him too and..and..”   
Bernie ran out of steam, and overcome she buried her head in her hands.   
Serena risked putting her arm around Bernie’s shoulders.  
“And you were scared? And jealous of someone who I’ve barely spoken two words to, because you think he likes me in the same way you like me? And you think that I will be swept off my feet because he’s a man?”  
Bernie nodded, still hiding her face with her hands.  
“So you worked all this out in your head, carried on probably countless conversations which all ended up with my ditching you in favour of… David? Never considering that what you should have done is come and talk to me, let me decide what I want, and not you?”  
Bernie dropped her head even lower.  
“Well I can see that now, but at the time… and I got drunk which didn’t help.. I’m rubbish, Serena, I know, I’ve ruined things once again.”  
Serena felt her heart ache as she looked at how upset Bernie was and she gathered her into her arms. She spoke quietly but firmly.  
“You are most definitely not rubbish, and you’ve ruined nothing. But you do need to share things with me Bernie. I know you’ve always felt that you have take the burden of what has gone wrong in the past onto your shoulders, and yours alone, but that’s not how a relationship is meant to work. If we face things together then we can get through anything…. yes?”  
Bernie buried her head into Serena’s neck and she felt the wetness of Bernie’s tears against her skin. They just sat there, holding each other for a few minutes, until, taking a shuddering breath, Bernie pushed away slightly and rewarded Serena with a shy smile.  
“That’s better Major,” said Serena softly, pushing her fringe out of her eyes. “You must be exhausted, are you ready to go to bed?”  
Bernie hesitated, and Serena inwardly cursed herself for not waiting a little longer before speaking.  
“We don’t have to… if you’d rather just stay down here, that’s fine. Or… would you prefer to go home? I could drive you if you don’t feel up to taking your own car, or get a taxi?”  
Now Serena was the one that was babbling, but felt relieved when Bernie shook her head, and for the first time that evening, she looked directly into Serena’s eyes as she answered.  
“You’re right, I am really tired and would like nothing better than to fall into bed… here, with you. But I’m a little too emotionally wrought to….. not that part of me doesn’t want to, but I don’t think I could… you know….have”  
Serena had to suppress a smile at Bernie’s inability to say the word she was pretty sure was at tip of her tongue.  
“Sex?” she asked, raising her eyebrow, and found the blush that spread across Bernie’s face particularly endearing. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on on her cheek.  
“Don’t worry, as desirable as I find you, I think I can promise not to jump your bones the minute we get into bed. What do you say we go upstairs, get ready, and then, if it’s what you want, we just cuddle?”  
Bernie gave Serena her first open smile of the day.  
“I would love that,” she said.  
They stood up and Serena took hold of Bernie’s hand as they climbed the stairs. Within 15 minutes they were curled up in bed, with Bernie spooning Serena, her arm draped gently across her waist, and she couldn’t resist planting a few delicate kisses at the base of her neck.  
“Ms Wolfe,” Serena said with a warning tone in her voice. “You need to stop that now, before I get too excited. We both need to save our energy tonight, both for work and the long discussion we shall be having tomorrow about my burgeoning singing career.”  
Bernie felt light enough of heart to risk a little chuckle.  
“Heard and understood Ms Campbell” she replied.”

 


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With misunderstandings hopefully in the past, Bernie and Serena start to move forward in their relationship, and Jason applies for a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly fluff, and I hope not overly sentimental or too sugary sweet. I think emotions are running high in me at the moment which has influenced my writing. I promise the last chapter will return to smutty thoughts!

Chapter 8 : Confessions

  
Unusually, Serena was the first to awake the next morning, and even rarer was that it was before her alarm had gone off. She listened carefully and as she could detect no sound, she surmised that Jason was also still in bed. She pushed herself carefully up on one arm so that she could look down on the body lying next to her. She supposed anyone else would think that Bernie was like any other sleeping woman… hair a mess, mouth slightly open and her fine features somewhat squashed against the pillow, but to Serena she looked like an angel. She smiled to herself, thinking that her work colleagues, friends and family wouldn’t recognise the person she became when in close proximity to a certain Ms Berenice Griselda Wolfe. At least not the way she was when that woman was lying next to her, in bed.  
She bent down and placed the most delicate of kisses on the mass of golden curls. And unable to reign herself in once she’d started, she continued to place small kisses on her rosy cheeks, the tip of her nose, and finally that soft sensual mouth. Bernie had started to rouse as soon as Serena had grazed her skin, and by the time their lips were pressed together she was nearly fully awake. As her arm curled around Serena’s waist pulling her almost on top of her, the alarm went off and they both groaned. Serena slid sideways so that they were both lying on their backs looking at the ceiling.  
“I preferred my alarm call to yours,” murmured Bernie, feeling for Serena’s hand and intertwining their fingers.  
“What alarm?” said Serena, turning onto her side again, trailing the fingers of her other hand down Bernie’s body until it came to rest on her hip. “I didn’t hear any alarm.”  
Bernie took note of the wicked glint in Serena’s eyes, and was trying desperately to remember the time of her first elective surgery that morning, and whether she would have time to show Serena how grateful she was for yesterday, when a sudden knock on the bedroom door startled them both.  
“Auntie Serena! Don’t forget I’ve got an interview today at the hospital. I don’t want you to make me late!  
Serena gave a small sigh.  
“Don’t worry Jason. I promise you’ll be there in plenty of time.”  
As she listened to his retreating footsteps she looked at Bernie.  
“Sorry,” was all she said.  
“No need to be sorry,” Bernie replied, “I’m pretty sure we didn’t have time for what I had in mind anyway.”  
Serena pushed herself upright and swung her legs out of bed and Bernie reacted quickly to prevent her from standing up by pushing her hand down on her shoulder. She moved to sit next to her.  
“About yesterday……. last night,” she began.  
“I just wanted to say thank you, for…. for everything. I really don’t know what makes you stay….. with me.”  
Serena turned and gently stroked her face, before lifting her chin and kissing her softly.  
“Don’t you?” she asked, and then moved her mouth so it was next to Bernie’s ear.  
“It’s really very simple,” she whispered. “It’s because of who you are….. just you.”  
She pushed herself up off the bed and headed for the en-suite, leaving Bernie with her eyes wide open and a small sweet smile on her face.

They went to work in their own cars, mainly because Jason needed a lift today and as he was a little nervous, it was best if things stayed in a familiar format. Bernie knew that Serena was nervous too, about the possibility of Jason working at Holby. She was worried that his Aspergers would mean that he would find interacting with co-workers and patients difficult, but Bernie had disagreed. She pointed out to Serena that he would be given clear instructions on which patient needed to be taken to another department in the hospital, and for what treatment, and that would appeal to his sense of order and precision.  
“He could well become the most efficient porter in the hospital,” she told Serena.  
“He will meticulously check he has the correct person and will probably draw up a plan showing the quickest route between any two departments.”  
Serena had still looked sceptical and was even considering ‘losing’ his application, and once again it was Bernie who helped her see sense.  
“You can’t protect him forever,” she argued. “Whatever he does or doesn’t achieve in his life will have to be through his own efforts, not yours. You need to loosen your grip a little, let him make mistakes, it’s the only way he’ll grow.”  
Serena had not been pleased when Bernie had first said this, but on reflection had realised that maybe she did have a point, and that she was being over protective, which wouldn’t help him in the long run.

So with Jason duly delivered to the Head Porters office to await his interview, along with 4 other candidates Serena returned to what she hoped would soon be Hanssen’s office again. She was expecting him to return next week, and although he’d be spending most of the day in here it meant she could relinquish most of the tedious pen-pushing and return to her place on AAU. Just the thought of wielding a scalpel again and dealing with patients who really needed her, made her realise that her dream of being the CEO of this or any hospital was no longer the pinnacle to which she aspired or desired. At the word desire, an image of Bernie flashed into her mind. The fear she had felt yesterday when she thought that things had gone wrong, and that she was losing her, had been almost unbearable. She couldn’t remember ever having had such deep feelings for someone before, apart from her daughter. Yes, she had loved Edward, and yes, she had been devastated when she had found out about his philandering ways, but there had been no question of giving him another chance. It hadn’t been easy to do, primarily, she acknowledged, because of how it might affect Elinor, but she had never really questioned her decision to leave him. But whether it was because she was older or just because her feelings for Bernie were so deep, she knew that she would do whatever it took to make their relationship work. She felt as though she had found her soulmate (a cliché she would have scoffed at 6 months ago), and she didn’t want to imagine a future without her. Thank goodness Bernie had found the courage to reach out to her, and a smile spread across her face as the memory of waking up with her this morning warmed her heart. She took a deep breath and gave herself a little shake.  
“Right,” she thought, “time to get things in order to pass on the metaphorical keys of Holby back into the capable hands of Henrik, so that I can focus on the things that really matter to me. My surgical skills, my friends, and above all, my family.”   
And Serena dared to hope that Bernie would be moving from the ‘friend’ group, to ‘family’ before very long.

Bernie’s working day was also going well. The staff on AAU were amazed at the difference in her from yesterday. She was always professional and a very skilled doctor and surgeon, but sometimes a little lacking in warmth when interacting with the patients. But today her brisk bedside manner gave way to a softer side, pausing to listen to their concerns and even giving a reassuring touch if necessary. Fletch couldn’t help but remark to Raf that anyone would think she had been taking lessons from Ms Campbell.  
“Speaking of whom,” said Raf, “I’ve heard on the grapevine that we should be getting our co-lead back on Monday, as Hanssen is due back in his ivory tower.”  
“As long as that’s where he stays,” said Fletch. “I had enough close contact with him when he was a patient, to last me a lifetime! And I hate the way he used to appear by your side, like a ghost, when he was walking. Can you imagine hearing the squeak of a wheelchair coming out of the lift?” Fletch shuddered.  
Bernie arrived at the nurse’s station in time to hear the end of the conversation and she grinned.  
“Really boys? You think that your beloved leader would have a squeaky wheelchair? He’ll have greased and oiled to within an inch of it’s life so that he can glide, phantom-like into your presence!”  
And she laughed loudly at their horrified expressions as she went into the office.

  
It was nearly the end of her shift when, ploughing through the paperwork already on her desk, Bernie heard the door of the office open. Without looking up she sighed loudly.  
“That hadn’t better be more discharge forms you’re thinking of putting in front of me,” she said in a voice that sounded like steel.  
“So, if you want to turn around now before I look up and have to put you on my ‘kill list’, I will give you exactly 10 seconds to vacate the premises. One….two….”  
“And here’s me thinking that it was all the red tape and bureaucracy that kept you coming back, day after day.”   
Serena chuckled as she sat down in her chair opposite Bernie.  
Bernie’s head had shot up as soon as she heard Serena’s voice, a broad smile on her face.  
“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” she remarked. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”  
“I’ve unofficially heard that Jason performed very well in the interview, and that when they took all the candidates on a tour of the hospital departments, he was one of the only ones to listen to what was being said and then ask questions that were relevant to the job. So right about now, he should be being offered one of the two available posts, subject to a 6 month probationary period. I thought we could take him over to Albie’s for a congratulatory drink and then buy him fish and chips as a treat.”  
Serena was positively brimming over with pride for her wonderful nephew.  
“I was also hoping that you would join us?”  
Bernie pushed herself out of her seat and went and perched on Serena’s desk, and reached down to hold her hand between her own.  
“That’s marvellous news,” she said. “And yes, I’d love to come.”  
She looked down at their hands and then back up to Serena’s face.  
“How, um…. How do you want us to.. um, be with each other, in public?”  
Serena turned a little pink, and lowered her eyes for a moment.  
“I’m not sure,” she said quietly. “I don’t want you to think I am ashamed of us, or not ready to… come out, but I don’t want to be making any sort of grand announcement or gesture, just in case….”  
“What? In case it doesn’t work out, or in case it jinxes us?”   
Bernie was smiling, but underneath she was scared that Serena would never feel comfortable about their relationship in front of others.  
“The jinx thing, and I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t bear this to end before it’s really begun.”  
“Me neither,” said Bernie. “So, we can be ‘friendly’ but nothing too overt, right?”  
“If that’s alright with you?” Serena said shyly.  
Bernie smiled and nodded as she brought Serena’s hand up to her mouth to kiss it briefly before replacing it on the desk, as she stood up and moved back to her own seat.  
“So, shall I meet you and Jason in the bar in about 30 minutes then?  
Serena nodded as she headed for the door. “And then back to mine for a fish and chip supper.”   
“Sounds perfect,” replied Bernie. “But Serena, we also need to discuss this benefit thing at the Crescent as well. I did promise David that you’d get back to him as quickly as possible…”  
“Okay,” said Serena, and giving her a wink she left Bernie to finish off another couple of forms before going to change out of her scrubs.  
When Bernie walked into Albie’s, she spotted Serena and Jason, sitting in the corner on a couple of the easy chairs, talking to Morven and Sacha Levy from Keller ward. She strode over and sank down into the seat next to Jason.  
“ I hear congratulations are in order Jason. You should feel very proud of yourself.”  
Jason thanked her for persuading Serena to let him apply, and the he offered to swap seats with her.  
“I don’t mind,” he said, “ I know that you and Auntie Serena like to talk about things that I’m not interested in.”  
“Well, thank you Jason, that’s very kind of you, but I think your Auntie wants to show you off a bit tonight. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about your day instead?”   
And Jason took her at her word and proceeded to tell her, and anyone who would listen, exactly what he had said and done throughout the day. By the time he had finished they had been joined by a number of other staff, including Raf, Essie, Dominic and of course Lofty. Serena was telling them about being asked to sing again at the theatre, and everyone was encouraging her to give it a go.  
“What do you think she should do Bernie? Do you think she’ll be good enough?” said Dom, teasingly.  
Everyone turned to look at Bernie, who in turn locked eyes with Serena, and to disguise the desire that coursed through her veins, she raised a glass of wine to her lips before answering.   
“She is more than capable of holding her own against any of them in my opinion. But I might be slightly biased, so I hope that if she does decide to take part you’ll all come and support her?”  
There were lots of cheers and nods at this, and they all promised that there would be a strong Holby contingent in the audience. Bernie still hadn’t been able to take her eyes off Serena, and was certain that someone would notice or say something when Jason turned to his aunt.  
“Can we please go and get our fish and chips now? I’m hungry and tired and I want to be back in time to watch ‘World’s Strongest Man’.”  
Serena patted his arm and nodded, gathering together her things, and Bernie suddenly realised they hadn’t discussed how they would manage this. Should she stand up as well as if it had been pre-arranged, or should she wait a few moments before deciding to go as well? Fortunately Jason came to her rescue again.  
“Bernie, are you coming? After all you played a big part in my applying for the job, and you don’t fall asleep when I’m watching the programmes I like.”   
As he said this he stared at his aunt, making it quite clear who he was talking about. Everyone laughed and so Bernie was able to join him and Serena over by the door with very little fuss. As they were going out of the door, Jason turned to Bernie again to ask another question.  
“Are you and Auntie Serena going to have another sleepover tonight? I hope so because she’s in a much better mood in the morning when you’ve stayed with her.”  
Both of them blushed bright red as they bundled him out of the door, thankful that most of the Holby group had already turned back to their own conversations by then. Bernie started to giggle.  
“Maybe it wasn’t just me you needed to give some guidelines to?” she observed, raising an eyebrow.  
“What’s the matter?” asked Jason. “Have I said something wrong? I have haven’t I?”  
Serena looped her arm through his, and patted it gently.  
“No, not really. Don’t worry Jason, I’ll explain on the way home.”  
By the time they arrived at Serena’s with the fish and chips, not to mention the gherkins and pickled egg, she hoped that she’d been able to help Jason understand that she didn’t want to make him think there was anything wrong with Bernie staying over, but that they would prefer if he didn’t tell everyone. That this was a sort of private thing between her and Bernie, and that it was up to them who they told. He accepted what she said, but couldn’t help commenting that relationships were very difficult to understand. Serena knew that deep down, she no longer had a problem with others knowing how she and Bernie were currently a couple, she just didn’t want to be the subject of much gossip and speculation.   
After they’d eaten and watched a couple of episodes of ‘World’s Strongest Man’, Jason announced that he was going to his bedroom, and, after stacking the plates in the dishwasher, Serena returned to the sofa and snuggled up to Bernie.  
After a few minutes, Bernie cleared her throat.  
“So,” she said, trying to appear light-hearted, “have you had any further thoughts about your singing career?”   
Serena just hummed a little and Bernie pushed her away slightly so that she could sit up and look at her properly.  
“Look, I’m not trying to pressure you into making a decision if you’re not ready, but if you have an inkling that you don’t want to go back on the stage then you need to let them know, sooner rather than later.”  
Serena pushed herself to her feet, looking down at the floor rather than at Bernie. She started to walk slowly backwards and forwards, pausing from time to time, looking as if she was conducting a silent conversation with herself, her one hand rubbing around her throat. This was a gesture Bernie recognised as one that occurred occasionally when she was feeling conflicted. After a few minutes of pacing, Bernie stood up and caught hold of Serena’s arm to bring her to a halt.  
“You need to stop trying to figure out what you think _I_ want you to do, and simply choose what you want to do instead. I promise that whatever your decision I will totally support you.”  
Serena looked at Bernie and raised an eyebrow as if in disbelief and Bernie sighed.  
“I mean it Serena. I know what I said and the way I behaved would lead you to believe that I really don’t want you to do it. But… all I really want is for you to be happy….. so please, _please_ , choose what’s important to you.”  
Serena brought her hand up to Bernie’s face and stroked it gently, as she took a deep breath.  
“In that case, then.. yes. I would like to give it a go. It scares me to death, but I’ll always wonder if I might have been good enough if I don’t try. I mean, I would never have chosen it over medicine as a career, but it’d be nice to imagine that you might have more than one string to your bow…. You know?”   
Bernie nodded and pulled Serena into a hug, giving her a brief kiss on the lips.  
“I do know,” she replied, “I felt the same way about the army, but I was lucky enough to not have to pick one over the other. And thank you,” she continued, her voice sounding a little shaky. “Thank you for not pretending for my sake.”  
When Bernie kissed her this time it was anything but brief. It was long and strong, with an underlying passion that was making Serena feel dizzy. Bernie moved Serena slowly backwards towards the sofa and started to tenderly lower her down onto the cushions, but then couldn’t hide the sudden spasm she felt in her back as she did, her lips pulling into a grimace against Serena’s and a gasp escaping from her mouth.  
“Shit,” said Serena as she eased herself from under Bernie. “How bad is it?”  
“Honestly?” said Bernie with a groan, “I’m not sure. I mean I can move, but very slowly.”   
She gingerly sat down, supporting herself by her hands spread either side of her on the sofa. Serena watched anxiously as Bernie moved very slowly, twisting her body very carefully, pausing every time she felt a twinge. After a few minutes she started to relax slightly and took a deep breath.  
“Phew! Major damaged averted I think. I must have been a little more tense than I thought, and then supporting you as I did as I bent over…..”  
“Careful,” said Serena, but with a smile on her face. “We’ll have no references to my weight causing this, thank you!”  
A look of alarm spread over Bernie’s face.  
“God, no Serena, I didn’t mean to imply that. You’re not overweight, well, only in all the right places…. No…. I didn’t mean… I mean you’re…pretty damn near perfect as far as I’m concerned.”  
Bernie was a babbling mess and Serena burst out laughing.  
“Oh, you are so easy to wind up,” she said fondly, and sat behind her on the sofa as she carefully pulled Bernie back towards her.  
“Use me as a full length pillow to rest against for a while,” she said. “Come on, ease your legs up and lie as stretched out as you can.”  
Serena wrapped her arms around Bernie as soon as she was comfortable, her head resting in the hollow of Serena’s neck and collar bone. They lay there, quietly for while, Bernie’s head rising and falling with Serena’s breathing, enjoying the closeness they were both feeling. Serena was just about to suggest that they retired to the bedroom when she realised that the occasional small whimpering noises Bernie was making meant that she was in fact asleep. This was particularly awkward because her one arm was squashed between Bernie and the back of the sofa, and had become completely numb, except for some pins and needles in her fingertips. She didn’t have the heart to wake her, and anyway she looked so adorable lying there. Serena was just contemplating if she could risk trying to wriggle sideways slightly, when Jason reappeared.  
“Oh, sorry,” he said. “I left my headphones down here and I want to listen to a Dr Who audio file on my laptop.”  
He paused for a moment.  
“You don’t look very comfortable Auntie, would you like me to wake Bernie up?”  
‘No, no Jason, it’s okay,” she said softly, not wanting to startle Bernie.  
“I expect she’ll rouse up soon, and then we can both get somewhere more comfortable.”   
As Jason picked up his headphones, Serena felt Bernie move slightly and she instinctively held her breath trying not to disturb her anymore, even though her arm was still cramped. Jason turned to look at her again before he went back upstairs.  
“You’re very kind Auntie, I don’t think I could stay in your position for very long. You must like Bernie an awful lot.”  
Serena smiled at him and nodded. “I do” she whispered.   
And as he left the room she pressed her lips to the soft curls that were tickling her chin.  
“I more than like her.” she murmured.  
Whether it was an accident or whether Jason was trying to help his auntie out of her predicament Serena wasn’t sure, but a few moments later the door to Jason’s bedroom slammed shut and the reverberations echoed round the house and Bernie started to stir again.  
“Um, what was that?” Bernie mumbled, and then realised she was still on top of Serena.  
“Oh, good grief, I’m sorry, you must be so uncomfortable.” And she scrabbled to get herself upright and off Serena.  
“Careful,” said Serena, trying to assist her, “remember your back.”  
With a bit of pushing by Serena, Bernie managed to swing her legs round to sit upright on the sofa, while Serena tried to massage some feeling back into her arm without Bernie noticing. Before too long she was sitting next to Bernie and she put her arm around her waist. Bernie turned towards her and lowered her eyes a little.  
“I think it’s time for me to go,” she said. “I’m obviously more tired than I thought.”  
Serena’s breathing hitched as she heard these words.  
“Going?” she asked, hesitantly. “You… you don’t want to stay?”  
Bernie finally raised her head to meet Serena’s eyes, and hated the worried look she saw there.  
“I thought, maybe… perhaps you’d like a little… space? Give you time to..think, without me around?”  
“Why? Whatever gave you that idea?” said Serena, a sharp edge creeping into her voice. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re trying to make my mind up for me… again?”  
Bernie sighed.  
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I get it. It’s just that… I….”  
Serena arched her eyebrows and looked at this helpless mess of a woman with exasperation.  
“You…..?”  
Bernie took another deep breath.  
“I.. I heard what you said… before.”  
Serena stilled, and felt a flush creeping up her chest to her face and her hand immediately went to the pendant she always wore, twisting it with her fingers.  
“When you thought I was asleep, well, I was pretty much, but I heard you… talking to Jason. When you said that you.. more than liked me?”  
And Bernie was now gazing openly at Serena, who still hadn’t spoken, she was so concerned that this confession on her part was going to be too much for Bernie to cope with. Then Serena saw that Bernie’s eyes were shining, almost brimming over with tears and she reached out to cup Bernie’s face with her hand as she nodded.  
“I do,” she said gently, “I think I’ve _more_ than liked you for a long time.”  
Bernie pressed her face into Serena’s hand, not caring that her tears were now falling. She took a ragged breath trying to calm herself and pulled Serena close, her right hand sliding around the back of her head, noticing as she did that tears were also trailing down Serena’s face too. She moved forwards until their lips were brushing together, and then finally she spoke in a low soft voice that was full of longing.  
“I love you too.

And then their lips were pressing together and sighs and moans were heard every time they took a breath, nipping and sucking each other, their tongues searching, tasting the saltiness of their tears as they mingled in their mouths. When they finally broke apart, they were half crying, half laughing, their foreheads resting against each other.  
Without saying anything Serena stood up and walked towards the hall, pausing in the doorway to hold her hand out to Bernie, who scrambled to her feet, grasping hold of it as if it were her lifeline, allowing Serena to lead her wherever she wished.  
At the foot of the stairs they kissed again, and before starting to climb them, Serena paused.  
“If you are feeling too overwhelmed I will try to understand if you feel you need to go, if you want to leave. I’d rather you didn’t, and I don’t want you to, but…..”  
Bernie shook her head.  
“It’s okay. I’m staying.”  
It seemed only moments later that they were in the bedroom.  
“I’m just going to….” And Serena nodded towards the en-suite. Bernie smiled and loosed her hand, but stayed exactly where she was, waiting for her to return. Bernie then slipped wordlessly past her to go in there herself. The silence between them was almost tangible, but neither of them wanted speak, hoping their actions would speak volumes. When Bernie returned, Serena was sitting on the bed, and she moved swiftly across the room to pull her to her feet and into her arms. And then they were kissing again, tenderly, with no sense of urgency but still with passion. There was a different feel tonight, having now acknowledged that they were both seriously invested in this relationship, they wanted to take their time, experience each other in a completely different way.  
Standing close, they both started to remove their own clothing, watching and smiling as each layer was removed until they were naked, their breathing, though ragged, was almost synchronised.  
“S….serena..” whispered Bernie as she opened her arms, and Serena stepped forwards into her embrace, wrapping her own arms around Bernie pulling their bodies together. Their breasts, stomachs and thighs pressed as closely as they could be, their heads tucked down into each other’s necks as if they were trying to become just one body.  
Serena shivered slightly, though whether from cold or emotion she found it impossible to tell, but it prompted her to try to move towards the bed and to slide between the covers, with Bernie happy to follow wherever she led. They lay there, looking at each other their eyes rooted to one another’s face, barely touching, with small smiles playing around their mouths, their eyes shining brightly. Serena gradually closed the gap between them and trailed her fingers down Bernie’s face, over the slope of her shoulders and then along the curves of her body, pausing only briefly to caress a breast, making Bernie suck air quietly through her teeth. Then her hand continued downwards, stroking across her soft stomach, finally coming to rest on Bernie’s hip.  
Bernie mirrored Serena’s movements, and as her hand also came to a stop on Serena’s hip she shuffled forwards, their lips meeting once again in a loving, lingering kiss. Their bodies melded together once more, their legs entangling, arms pulling at each other so that no space existed between them. Gasping for breath, their lips parted, and they were gazing into the dark pools of each other’s eyes one more time.  
Serena smiled, and then gave a deep throaty chuckle.  
“I can’t believe that we found each other. That you’re here, in my home, in my bed, and that… I love you. More than I feel I’ve ever loved anyone.”  
Bernie ducked her head slightly and kissed Serena yet again.  
“I know I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. For the first time in my life I feel… complete. That everything I’ve ever wanted is right here… in front of me.”  
And for now, this was all either of them wanted, to be cherished by the other. No sexual desire threatened to overtake their senses, they felt at peace, feeling safe and loved in each other’s arms. And with little kisses and murmurs they drifted off to sleep.

The following day they took Jason and Celia out for a meal at Jason’s favourite restaurant, ostensibly to show him once again how proud they were of his success in finding a job. However, it was beginning to annoy Jason that they were far more interested in each other, rather than him, and after trying to get his aunt’s attention away from Bernie, to listen to him, he pushed his chair back and stood up.  
“Auntie Serena, I have asked you _three_ times if Celia can come home with us to watch some Dr Who with me, and you still haven’t replied! Maybe I should get Bernie to ask my questions in future, as you can’t take your eyes off her at the moment and you listen to what she has to say far more than when I speak!”  
Bernie blushed and Serena was mortified.  
“I’m sorry Jason, really I am. Of course Celia can come home with us for a while, as long as her parents are happy with that.”  
“Tell them I’ll run her home whenever she’s ready,” said Bernie quickly. “So that they don’t have to come out again.”  
Jason was somewhat appeased by this, and he told Celia to ring them straight away.  
Serena turned her attention back to Bernie while Jason was busy.  
“You are going to come back to me though, after you’ve dropped Celia home?”  
Bernie smiled gently and shook her head.  
“No, much as I want to I need to go back to my flat and sort through a few things, not to mention having to do some laundry. And I think you and Jason need to spend at least a day together without any distractions. He needs some time with you, one to one, as he’s probably going to be a little nervous about starting work.  
Serena looked crestfallen but reached for Bernie’s hand and squeezed it to show that she understood, before turning her attention back to Jason and Celia. Later, when it was nearly time for Celia to go home, she pulled Bernie into the kitchen to say her goodbyes in private with many kisses, and hands sliding under garments to touch bare skin.  
“I don’t want you to go,” she said, sounding desperate. “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to come back?”  
“Serena, I promise you I won’t disappear in 24 hours, and you can text me or even call me if you need to. It’s as hard for me as it is for you, but we’re old enough to know that what we feel for each other is real. It’s not going away.”  
“Wow,” said Serena, “what have you done with the tongue-tied woman I know and love?”  
Bernie laughed. “Don’t worry, I can guarantee she’ll be back before you know it.”   
And with one final kiss she called for Celia to take her home.

So it was Monday morning, after dropping Jason off at the Head Porter’s office, that Serena walked back onto AAU in the role of co-lead. She was greeted enthusiastically by the staff on duty, who were more than happy to welcome their matriarch back. And, hovering in the background was Bernie, clutching 2 cups of coffee from Pulses. She caught Serena’s eye and held them up nodding towards the office as she did, before removing herself from the round of salutations that were going on. A few minutes later Serena made it into the office too and she sank into her chair, clutching the coffee that Bernie had left on her desk.  
“Oh, it’s good to be back.” she exclaimed.  
“It’s good to have you back,” said Bernie sincerely. “Coming in here to catch up on paperwork won’t be half as onerous as it used to be if you’re sitting opposite to me.”  
Serena smiled coquettishly, and once again Bernie found herself standing up to move round and perch on the corner of Serena’s desk.  
“If you look at me like that though, I may have to abandon the forms in favour of kissing you…… repeatedly.”  
Serena raised her eyebrows in an attempt to give Bernie a disapproving glare.  
“Less of that sort of talk Ms Wolfe, we are professionals after all!”  
Bernie grinned and taking a chance she bent down and brushed her lips against Serena’s cheek before swiftly returning to her seat.  
Serena cleared her throat.  
“Are you free tomorrow evening?”  
“I could be… it depends.”  
“I rang David yesterday to say that I was considering accepting his invitation to perform, but that I wanted to meet face to face to discuss some of the finer points. I was hoping you’d come as well, to offer a little advice and moral support?”  
“I’d be glad to,” said Bernie. In truth she was relieved that Serena wanted to include her in this, she still didn’t trust David’s motives, and she was more than willing to set him straight about her and Serena’s relationship.  
So at 7.00pm the following evening they were walking hand in hand towards the Crescent. Just before they got to the door, Bernie stopped and pulled Serena towards her to give her a warm hug. They kissed tenderly and as they drew apart Bernie sighed.  
“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” she murmured in Serena’s ear. “It’s so frustrating sitting opposite you, or catching your eye across the ward and not being able to gather you into my arms and kiss you. Will I ever be able to look at you again without my stomach doing a little flip?”  
“I sincerely hope not,” said Serena offering her another small kiss.   
“Come on, let’s get this over with. And don’t forget you will have to come shopping with me to help me choose some suitable outfits for my 15 minutes of fame!”  
Bernie groaned.  
“Really? You’d put me through that degree of torture, even though you profess to love me?”  
“Definitely,” said Serena as they walked into the foyer. “But,” she added in a much lower voice, “I’d certainly make it worth your while.”


	9. Nearly the Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions run high as Bernie gets jealous and Serena gets annoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be the last chapter, but it was getting way too long, so I had to divide it. This one is a little shorter than the others but I hope it still works.  
> My own emotional state is still a tad fragile, which may account for the angst and soul-searching that goes on. I’ve tried to end it on a more upbeat note so fingers crossed you’ll think it’s worth hanging in there for what will definitely be the last chapter...... I think.

Chapter 9 : Nearly the Finale

The meeting was going as well as could be expected, Bernie supposed. David was being very complimentary to Serena and seemed genuinely pleased and excited that she had agreed to perform. Bernie also felt quite sure that his gratitude might have turned a little more ‘hands on’ if she hadn’t been present. It was harder than she had imagined, seeing someone else so obviously attracted to her…… girlfriend? No, sounded too young… partner? Better, but a bit formal….. lover? Probably the truest description but that wasn’t all she was, and it certainly doesn’t sound quite right to say ‘Hello, I’m Bernie and this is my lover, Serena’. No, better stick to partner or girlfriend.  
She realised she didn’t feel as threatened by other women finding Serena sexy, she felt fairly confident that she had the edge in that department, but when men made a play for her, all her own insecurities came flooding back. There was a gnawing doubt lurking that one day Serena would find her ‘sapphic awakening’ wasn’t all that she thought it would be, and come to the conclusion that she did, after all, prefer the male of the species. She wondered if she’d ever be able to shake these thoughts off, or was she doomed to always fear she wasn’t good enough for the woman she so desperately loved.  
She collected her thoughts together enough to register that David wanted Serena to perform two solos and one duet, and Serena was asking if she had carte blanche to choose which songs she sang.  
“Well, said David, “it does need to be from a musical film or show, so perhaps you could shortlist a few and we could make the final choice together?”  
And he gave her a smarmy grin, (in Bernie’s eyes).  
“But if you have a problem finding anything you think is suitable, I’d be more than happy to make some suggestions.”  
Bernie nearly growled upon hearing those words, positive that he was as aware of the double meaning as she was.  
“Just one more thing though,” said Serena. “Who did you have in mind for the duet? We need to meet as it could take a little while for our voices to blend so we’d need to start practising fairly soon.”  
Davis smiled again, (very similar to a lizard Bernie thought).  
“You’ve already met him….. it’s me!”  
Bernie nearly leapt out of her seat to shout NO! at the top of her voice, but managed to contain herself. Instead she said,  
“I wasn’t aware you sang, have you performed much?”  
“Not in a solo or duet capacity, no. But I’ve been a member of a small choir for many years and when I was at Uni I used to belong to a Barber shop quartet.”  
He turned his attention back to Serena.  
“I’m pretty sure our voices will blend beautifully, which is one of the many reasons I was hoping you’d agree to take part.”  
Serena smiled and blushed slightly at the compliment.  
“Did you have a particular song in mind?” she asked.  
“The one I’m particularly keen to do is ‘If I loved you’ from Carousel, but only if you’re happy with it, and it works in rehearsal.”  
Serena smiled even more broadly and Bernie’s stomach tied itself into tighter knots than ever.  
“I love it” she replied.  
“In that case, are you free for a run through on Thursday evening? And if you bring your other solo choices we could make a decision on those too. Then we’ll both be ready for proper rehearsals the following week.”  
They left about 10 minutes later, Serena feeling quite excited and bubbly about the whole thing, Bernie was slightly less enamoured.  
As they walked back to the car, Serena couldn’t help noticing that Bernie was being even more taciturn than usual.  
“Are you alright?” she asked as they sat in the car.  
“Hmm? Oh, yes I’m fine” said Bernie preparing to drive Serena home.  
“No, you’re not,” replied Serena. “I may not have known you that long, but I think I know you well enough to recognise when you’re brooding over something.”  
Bernie sighed and leaned back in her seat, gripping the steering wheel.  
“It’s just I….. I’m working Thursday evening, so I won’t be able to come here with you.”  
Serena looked at her in surprise.  
“And? I don’t need a chaperone you know, I can find my own way.”  
Bernie’s sighed again and nodded reluctantly.  
“I know, I…… it’s just.. me being…”  
“Over-protective? Jealous? Stupid?”  
Serena tried to keep the sharp tone out of her voice without much success.  
Bernie raised her head to look at her, and gave a wry smile.  
“Yes, okay? You’re right… I’m all of those things. I…. know he likes you, that’s all. And this…. us.. it’s all so new to you… to both of us.”  
Serena didn’t know if she was mad, or if she wanted to laugh but realised that Bernie was deadly serious, so she patted her arm gently.  
“Okay. I promise I’ll be on my guard, does that help?”  
Bernie simply nodded, not really happy but knew that she was too tired to argue.  
“Come on, let’s get you home before Jason organises a search party.”

When Serena was nearing the end of her shift on Thursday, she became aware that ever since Bernie had arrived on the ward a couple of hours before, she had been hovering around, watching, looking as if she wanted to say something, but then turning tail the moment it looked as if Serena was going to approach her. When she spotted Bernie going into their office, Serena followed her in, locking the door and closing the blinds.  
“What.. what are you doing?” asked Bernie, alarmed at the look on Serena’s face.  
“I could ask you the same thing” said Serena, peevishly. “You’ve been acting jittery ever since your shift started, and I’m seriously hoping that it’s not all about this evening.”  
Bernie dropped her head in a bid to shut out the glare from Serena’s eyes.  
“I don’t believe this,” said Serena, sharply. “After everything I’ve said and done to try and convince you how much you mean to me? Do you really think that I’m going to swan off with the first person who thinks they stand a chance with me?”  
Serena’s eyes filled with tears.  
“Well thank you so much for your trust in me Ms Wolfe!”  
Serena turned and walked towards the door. Bernie moved swiftly to stop her leaving.  
“My shift is over, please get out of my way,” said Serena in a low voice.  
Bernie looked at Serena, who could see the tears in her eyes mirrored in Bernie’s but she refused to be swayed, much as it hurt her not to gather her into her arms.  
“I do trust you Serena, I do.” Bernie managed to gasp.  
“But obviously not enough,” said Serena sadly. “What are you going to do? Try to move every little obstacle, as you see it, out of my path in case I fall? I’m a grown woman, I can handle obstacles myself, and on the occasions I can’t I’ll ask you for help. And I don’t know how to say it more plainly…. I’m in love with you, I want to be with you. I can’t promise it’s forever, no one can, but I can’t imagine that I will ever stop loving you.”  
Bernie stood there at a loss to know what to say, wondering how things had got so messed up, even though in her heart she knew the reason. It was her, she was the one who had messed things up.  
Serena sighed.  
“It’s up to you. Do I stay at home like a good little woman or do I keep my word and go to this meeting?”  
Bernie felt as though her head or her heart were about to explode.  
“Of course you must go,” she croaked. “I know this is my problem… and I’m sorry I keep making the same mistake over and over… I am trying… but it’s hard.”  
Bernie stepped to one side to let her leave, and as she unlocked the door Serena turned back to say one more thing.  
“Look, I promise you that if David says or does anything to make me feel uncomfortable I will put him straight. But we need to find out why you keep freaking out, because however much I love you, this... is ridiculous. Do you see what I mean?”  
Bernie nodded.  
“I know things need to change… l need to change.” She spread her hands helplessly. “I’m sorry.”  
Serena’s heart went out to Bernie, seeing the hurt and confusion in her face.  
“Look, we’re both off tomorrow, so when I’m back from taking Jason to work, I’ll text you to come over and we’ll try to talk through this properly. And I haven’t had chance to sort out the shortlist David mentioned. In fact I rather want your views on what solos I sing.”  
She moved a little closer to Bernie and gave her a quick peck to the cheek.  
“I’ll let you know when I’m home, okay?”  
Bernie nodded again and managed a brief smile as Serena left. She took a deep shuddering breath and pushed her hands through her hair, hating herself for hoping that she would be kept busy this evening to stop her brain working overtime. Much to her chagrin it seemed as if her prayers had been answered as Nurse Fletcher popped his head around the door.  
“I’ve just taken a call from the ED, there’s a woman on her way up with multiple stab wounds, possible damage to one kidney.”  
Bernie immediately locked into trauma surgeon mode as she followed Fletch onto the ward. Here at least, she knew what she needed to do to get the best result, to make a difference.  
When she got home at around midnight, she let herself in to her sparsely decorated flat, feeling as grey as the walls that surrounded her. Serena had texted her at around 10.00pm to say she was home, but with a manic end to her shift, following an RTC on the bypass, Bernie had only just seen it. She was relieved that she was safe, but it also brought back a lot of the personal anxiety that had been plaguing her earlier. She poured herself a single shot of whisky and sat on her small two seater sofa wondering if this was how she was doomed to spend the rest of her life when not at work. On her own and miserable, knowing that once again it was her fault that things had turned out the away they had. She poured another whisky and downed it in one and then curled up on the sofa, not bothering with anything to eat. The thought of getting undressed and into bed would take more energy than she had, so she just pulled a throw over her and lay with her head on a cushion staring at the lamplight shining through the window, trying to blank out the dark thoughts going around her head. And at some point in what seemed a very long night she succeeded, finally succumbing to a restless dream filled sleep, that lasted for only 2 or 3 hours before she was jolted awake by someone knocking on her door, alternating with the ringing of the doorbell. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, wincing at the pain in her back as she did, and called out ‘coming’ as loudly as she could, to give herself a little more time before she stumbled to the door.

Serena had dropped Jason off at the hospital at 8.00am, and was about to head home, when it occurred to her that as Bernie lived quite close, it may be better to call in there rather than wait for Bernie to come to her. So she sent her a text saying she was on her way, and suggested it might be nice if they went out for a coffee to start off their ‘chat’. So at 8.30 she rang the doorbell on Bernie’s flat, and when there was no answer she thought she may still be getting dressed or in the bathroom. After a couple of minutes she rang the bell again, and when there was still no response she knocked on the door as well. Two or three more minutes went by and Serena started to feel a little worried, so she alternated between knocking and ringing, reaching for her phone at the same time. Then suddenly she heard Bernie’s voice from inside the flat and she took a big breath, looking down at her hands, noticing how much they were shaking. What seemed like forever but was probably only about a minute, the door opened to reveal a very disorientated and crumpled looking Bernie peering anxiously at her.  
“Serena?” she said, and then stepped back opening the door wider, “sorry, come in.”  
If Serena had been startled by Bernie’s appearance, it was nothing to how she felt as she followed Bernie into the lounge. There were boxes in the hallway that looked as if they had been there for a while, unopened, and as they passed the small kitchen she had glanced in noticing a space where a cooker should have stood. The walls were bare and as she walked into the lounge it was obvious to her that Bernie merely existed here. There were no little touches to show that this was someone’s home. The only photograph sitting on a bookshelf was of Bernie with two small children hanging around her neck, all of them laughing. Bernie followed Serena’s gaze and shrugged her shoulders.  
“It reminds me that I did, once in a while, make them happy. That there was a time when I felt they loved me…”  
She moved the throw off the sofa and gestured for Serena to sit down.  
“I’ll just go and freshen up a bit if that’s alright? Oh, would you like a drink before I do?”  
Serena shook her head, not sure she could say anything without bursting into tears as she realised, for the first time, what Bernie’s life was like outside of work. As Bernie headed for the bathroom, Serena gasped and brought her hands up to her eyes to stem the tears that were threatening to fall. She was beginning to understand how vulnerable Bernie was, and how little she really knew about the woman she loved. When Bernie returned in some fresh clothes, looking a little more human, Serena stood up and grasped her hand.  
“Come on,” she said brusquely, trying to hold her emotions in check, “get your bag and jacket, we’re going to get some fresh air.”  
Bernie nodded dumbly, not have the energy to argue or refuse, and followed Serena to her car.  
Thirty minutes later they arrived at a local nature reserve, and Serena coaxed Bernie out of the car to go for a gentle walk around one of the three lakes. It was very tranquil this early in the morning and Bernie felt some of the tension drain out of her shoulders as they walked, mainly in silence, holding hands. Serena then led her through some glorious bluebell woods finally arriving at a small café where she ordered two strong, hot coffees and several rounds of toast. When it arrived Bernie felt relaxed enough to admit she was rather hungry and began eat in earnest.  
When Serena finally spoke to her, her voice seemed to echo around the small space, and she softened her words.  
“Why didn’t you say, why didn’t I realise, how hard things are for you? How unhappy you are?”  
Bernie gulped and looked startled.  
“Well, I’m not..” she began, and then looked at Serena’s face, “ not since I met you.”  
Serena grimaced.  
“Not sure I believe that, given what happened yesterday. And seeing you.. this morning at your flat, how you live.. doesn’t exactly scream happiness does it?”  
Bernie raised her head to look defiantly at Serena, not wanting her pity, but found herself unable to meet her concerned gaze for more than a few seconds.

“How can you question that Cameron and Charlotte love you? Even if things have been rocky recently, I doubt that, underneath it all, they feel any differently towards you than they did in that photograph. They’re young still, and probably have no idea how much you’re hurting, especially when you hide behind your ‘stiff upper lip’ army mask. I bet you don’t show any emotion when you try to contact them do you, so how will they know how to respond?”

There was a heavy silence and Serena felt so stupid at her last words.  
“You’ve not tried to get in touch, have you?”

When Bernie finally spoke it was barely above a whisper.  
“I didn’t see the point. Marcus was the one that needed and deserved their love. I humiliated and hurt him by having an affair, and that was doubled when he found out it was with a woman. He must have thought I’d never loved him, and it made him feel like an idiot. I deserve it Serena, it’s all my fault.”  
Serena sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, before pushing herself up from the table, making Bernie jump.  
“Right! You’re coming home with me and we’ll continue this once we’re there.”

They drove back to Serena’s in silence and once inside Serena pushed Bernie in the direction of the lounge while she walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter her brain in overdrive as she tried to organise her thoughts before she spoke. When she felt composed enough she returned to the lounge to find Bernie on the sofa with her eyes closed. She went and sat next to her, placing her hand gently on her shoulder, and Bernie slowly opened her eyes.  
“How much sleep did you get last night,” she asked, “honestly?”  
“Um, about 3 hours I guess,” mumbled Bernie. “But it’s fine, I’ve managed on less.”  
Serena stood up and pulled Bernie to her feet. She took her upstairs and pushed her into her bedroom, giving her a brief but warm hug.  
“Go to bed, and try to get some sleep,” she ordered. “If you haven’t re-appeared in 4 hours I’ll come and wake you to have something to eat.”  
Bernie looked confused.  
“I thought you wanted to talk?”  
Serena lay her hand against her cheek and kissed her very quickly.  
“I do, but some of the conversation might be upsetting to both of us, and if you’re not reasonably rested I don’t think we’ll get any sort of resolution. At least try…. please?”  
She went to one of her drawers and pulled out an old t shirt and tossed it on the bed.  
“Just in case you want to slip something else on. Try and put yesterday out of your mind, it’s past, okay?”  
Bernie smiled her first genuine smile of the day. “Okay,” she repeated, and Serena turned and went downstairs to sort out what was possibly going to be a rather late lunch.  
It was just over 3 hours later when Bernie came back downstairs. She wandered into the kitchen looking for Serena, but instead she found a message propped up against the kettle.  
‘I’ve just popped out to get the ingredients to make a Shepherd’s Pie. Don’t want to upset Jason! There’s some homemade soup in the microwave if you’re feeling hungry. Three or four minutes full power should be fine. I’ll be back by 3.30pm. x x’  
Bernie looked at her watch as she turned the microwave on. It was just after 3, so she figured she should have time to eat and wash the bowl up before Serena returned. She was just putting the bowl away when she heard the front door open, and seconds later Serena walked into the kitchen.  
“You’re up!” she observed when she saw Bernie. “Feeling any better?”  
“Err, a little…. I think. Thanks for the soup.”  
“You’re welcome. Would you like a drink? I’m just about to make some tea.”  
Bernie shook her head, but stayed in the kitchen while Serena pottered about putting groceries away, and making her tea. When she was ready she picked up her cup and motioned with her head towards the lounge, so Bernie followed her. They both sat down on the sofa and silence reigned while Serena sipped her tea and Bernie twisted the edge of the t shirt she had borrowed. After a few minutes Serena put her hand over one of Bernie’s to calm her before she spoke.

“I need to apologise about how abrupt and critical I was, about you and your flat this morning. I was bossy, and acted as if I knew what was good for you. I felt sad on your behalf, and annoyed with myself when I realised there were whole chunks of your life I just don’t know about, and have never tried to understand because I was just focused on how much I wanted you in my life. Because I love you I was able to think of Marcus as the bad guy, and because your children are grown up I didn’t think about how hard it must have been for you to come and go out of their lives when they were young. I’ve been pretending to myself that the only thing that mattered was now, and how we feel about each other.  
“That does matter, so much,” said Bernie earnestly.  
Her shoulders drooped with resignation. “Yet I’ve even managed to mess that up too.”  
Serena fought hard not to sigh or sound exasperated with her, because she could see how little it would take to kill what small amount of self esteem she had left. She reached out and pushed the hair out of Bernie’s eyes, willing her to look at her.  
“Darling, we’ve both messed up, we’ve pretended that the world outside of the kisses, and the love making, doesn’t exist. You’ve said before that being with Alex was like living in a wonderful bubble, and getting blown up burst that bubble and the love that was contained in it. I don’t want to live in a bubble like that, one we’ve both created, because I’ll be terrified of it bursting, and I don’t want to lose you. Not now, not ever.”  
Bernie gave a strangled sob, and gripped Serena’s hand tightly.  
“Me neither,” she managed to say.  
“What you’ve gone through in the past, what you’ve seen whilst you were in the RAMC, I need to know about, to help me understand the person I’m looking at now. It’s what has shaped you, partly made you the person you are, the good and the bad. Just as my past has affected me…. life-long grudges, and all that… yours has affected you.”  
“But you… you seem as if you know yourself, I’m not sure I do.”  
“I’ve just had longer to adjust to the whole divorce thing, and living on my own. But with Elinor still so young I had to make myself build a home, not just a place away from work. And, apart from the death of my mother, I’ve had nowhere near the amount of trauma in my life as you have had. Certainly not in my working life, whereas you have been surrounded by it, on all sides.”

She pulled Bernie in close to her and held her as tightly as she could.  
“All I ask, is when things get hard you talk to me, even if you think it will upset me. And if you really can’t talk to me for whatever reason, then you find a professional, someone who can help you see what a fantastic person you really are. You know me, I don’t suffer fools gladly, so do you think I could fall for someone who wasn’t worth so much more than you think you are?”  
Bernie finally raised her head to look at Serena as she said this, and saw the most tender of smiles on Serena’s face.  
“And you, my sweet Bernie are worth more than the world to me.”

Bernie moved slowly towards Serena, and placed a small tentative kiss on her lips. She pulled away and looked uncertainly at her, and Serena smiled again and put her hand up to stroke Bernie’s face.  
“We can’t change the past, but we can have a very good present and future if you’ll allow it. After all, I think I deserve the right to be happy and right now, you’re the one who can help make that happen. And if ever my ego needs a boost, you will be my first port of call!”  
Bernie gave a small snort at the thought of Serena ever needing her ego boosting, causing Serena to raise an eyebrow, but wisely said nothing.  
“So, are we on the same page here?” asked Serena hopefully.  
Bernie took a deep breath, willing herself to be as courageous as Serena seemed to think.  
“Yes, I think so. Well, I know I want to be the person you think I am, so I will seriously think about everything you’ve said. I don’t want to be that sad, lonely person anymore either….. How did you get to be so wise?”  
Serena cleared her throat.  
“Well, here’s one of my secrets. When I was in America, at Harvard, I spent 12 months in therapy for depression. Say what you will about their health system, the way they accept the need to examine one’s inner self is something we could do worse than emulate.”  
Bernie’s eyes had widened when she heard this, and she looked at Serena with a new found respect and understanding before squaring her shoulders.

“Okay, I promise that, with your help, I’ll start making those little steps. I’ll even make enquiries about a therapist….. just in case.”  
Serena patted her leg.  
“Thank you…… now, what I want to know is this. Are you feeling up to helping me shortlist some of the songs I want to sing?”  
Bernie nodded, and so that’s what they did for the next hour, finding 6 songs that Serena felt she would be happy to perform, singing little snippets to Bernie, who found herself humming along to some of them, much to Serena’s delight.  
“Why Ms Wolfe, you have been holding out on me, you have a very sweet voice,” said Serena, placing a little kiss on the tip of Bernie’s nose.  
Bernie blushed and shrugged, her stomach doing a little flip as she saw the adoring look Serena was giving her.  
Serena stood up suddenly as she noticed the time.  
“Heavens,” she said, “if this Shepherd’s Pie is going to be ready in time for Jason, I’d better get cracking. Come on, you can peel the potatoes.”  
Bernie followed Serena into the kitchen and did as she had been asked, then perched on a stool watching Serena work. After about 10 minutes Serena turned to Bernie with a critical eye, looking at the t shirt and the underpants she was wearing, which she admitted to herself, showed off a very long and shapely pair of legs.  
“Instead of just sitting there, I think you need to go and put on a few more clothes before Jason gets home.”  
Bernie pouted.  
“I was thinking that maybe it’s you who is somewhat overdressed.”  
Serena raised an eyebrow looking askance. Bernie smiled mischievously and went and stood behind Serena with her chin resting on her shoulder and whispered in her ear.  
“You do know I’m not wearing a bra, don’t you?”  
And she slid her arms around Serena’s waist pressing her body close. Serena instinctively pushed back, and gave a low moan before taking a deep breath to try and maintain some control.  
“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, stop that right now,” she pleaded, “ I have to get this done, as well you know.”  
“Spoilsport.” said Bernie moving slowly away, to Serena’s relief. Which was relatively short lived as Bernie moved around to the other side of the counter, and swung her leg up over the stool before she sat down, giving Serena a brief glimpse of her tight fitting pants as she did, smiling knowingly.  
Serena’s breathing faltered slightly and she paused for a moment before turning to the hob where she was frying off the onions and mince.  
When she turned back, Bernie was rubbing her hand over her breasts and sighing.  
“Do you ever get an itch that you just have to scratch, even though it’s in a very inappropriate place?” she asked, teasingly. “I sometimes think that if you could find someone else to scratch it for you, it would go away quicker, don’t you?” She dropped her hand away, and pulled the hem of the t shirt tightly down, so that Serena could see her nipples pushing against the fabric.  
Serena’s legs buckled slightly and she groaned loudly.  
“For god’s sake Bernie, I’m just about to wield the sharp vegetable knife and I do not want to end up being rushed to hospital because I couldn’t focus on the job in hand.”  
“If you made me the ‘job in hand’ then there’d be no problem.”  
And Bernie put on her best hurt puppy-dog expression, looking disappointed.  
“It’s been so long since we…. were intimate.” she said softly.  
Serena sighed.  
“Well, truthfully, it’s only been just over a week…. but I know what you’re saying.”  
She moved around the counter to Bernie and cupped her face with both hands and kissed her.  
“I must say, Berenice, that your mood has improved drastically in what seems to be a very short space of time.”  
And she kissed her again, this time for longer. When they came up for air, Bernie stood up and pulled Serena close.  
“I’m just trying to focus on the positives in my life as you suggested,” she said. “And I’m positive I want… you…naked….as soon as possible.”  
Serena swallowed audibly and shook her head.  
“Not here, not..now,” she said firmly, “but I will give you something to tide you over if you promise to go and get dressed afterwards.”  
Bernie grinned. “Oh, I promise.”  
Serena placed her lips just behind Bernie’s ear and lightly kissed her there, before dragging her tongue along her jaw, stopping every now and then to suck gently, before kissing down her long neck to her sternum. At the same time her hands that had been draped around Bernie’s waist, pulled her t shirt up slightly so that she could push them down, under the waistband of Bernie’s pants to slide over the smooth cheeks of her backside. Bernie gasped and put one of her hands onto the counter to steady herself as Serena’s mouth travelled down the t shirt to suck at one of her nipples through the material, her hands beginning to knead the firm buttocks she was already clutching, pulling them apart as she did. She pushed one of her hands further down and under so that her fingertips were just at Bernie’s entrance, and she could feel just how aroused Bernie was. She pushed in very slightly with one finger and then stopped. Moving her mouth back up to Bernie’s lips she kissed her again and then said in a whisper,  
“Let’s see if you can remember my place when we resume later.”  
And she swiftly removed both hands from the confines of the pants, letting the elastic of the waistband snap back into place, as she manoeuvred herself quickly to the other side of the counter, leaving Bernie wide-eyed and breathless.  
“No!” cried Bernie, weakly, “you can’t…… really?”  
“Really,” said Serena, hoping desperately that Bernie would keep her promise before she herself gave in to her own, baser desires.  
Bernie narrowed her eyes until they were mere slits in her flushed face as she turned to walk to the door. Without looking at Serena she paused before leaving the kitchen.  
“You just wait,” she said in a low voice. “I’ll teach you what teasing really is as you seem to like it so much. And that’s a promise too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following are three of the songs that Serena is considering singing on the night of the Benefit. If you don’t know any of them, have a listen and see which two are your favourites.
> 
> https://youtu.be/Rxn-KDDZ8RI - Whatever Lola Wants
> 
> https://youtu.be/GFObCqRDfUU - Old-fashioned Lesbian Love Story 
> 
> https://youtu.be/vVyhM8gHXS8 - All that Jazz 
> 
> Perhaps you can visualise some of the outfits she might wear too!


	10. Encore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts off fairly smutty, but then we get to meet Bernie’s children before, what I’m sure you’d already guessed, is a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this fic has taken longer than I thought, and has taken a few twists that I hadn’t planned on when I started it. It’s more emotional than I usually write, but that’s probably down to what went on in my own life in the past couple of months.  
> Thank you to all of you who’ve stayed with me to the end, and thanks for the lovely comments that many of you have left. I’m already starting to plan my next fic.  
> And not long now til Bernie returns to our screens for a short period of time. Eek!!

Chapter 10 : Encore

  
Bernie waited until she heard Jason arrive home, before she considered going back downstairs. She had been sorely tempted to take care of herself when she got back to the bedroom, but managed to ride it out, knowing that her release would be all the sweeter at Serena’s hand. She had however made a promise to Serena that she intended to keep, so she had chosen what she was going to wear very carefully, hoping to take the sexual tension up another notch before the evening was over. She went into the lounge to say hello to Jason, and stopped to have a little chat to him about his day before going to ask Serena if she needed any help. Serena raised an eyebrow at what Bernie was wearing, but as she was just about to dish the dinner up she merely asked her to set the table, and within 5 minutes they were all sitting down ready to eat.

Jason looked across at Bernie.  
“Is there any reason why you’re wearing one of Auntie Serena’s blouses, and a pair of her lounge trousers? Where are the clothes you came here in, did they get dirty?”  
Serena nodded her approval of his question.  
“I was thinking the exact same thing Jason, especially as she didn’t even ask my permission, did you?”

Bernie shrugged and chose to ignore Serena’s question.

“Well, in answer to your question Jason, I was very tired when I got here so I went and had a little nap. Then I decided if I was not going home this evening,” and she glanced in Serena’s direction, “it made more sense to keep my clothes clean for tomorrow. I didn’t think it would be a problem. But,” and she dared Serena to respond, “I could always take them off if you’d rather?”

“Oh, I’m sure she doesn’t really mind, do you Auntie? After all it is just one of your more horrible blouses, and I think it suits Bernie better than you anyway.”

“Yes, thank you Jason,” said Serena, “I think we can agree that Bernie can borrow both items for the evening.”

Bernie bent her head down to hide the smirk that had spread over her face, and the rest of the meal was spent listening to Jason talk about how he had found he could get patients from the ED to the Imaging Dept, quicker than any other porter.  
After they finished Bernie helped Jason clear the table and load the dishwasher, while Serena went through to the lounge to stretch out on the sofa. When Bernie walked in with Jason, she was carrying a glass of wine as a peace offering.

“Sorry about not asking if you minded me wearing your clothes,” she whispered as she leant over the back of the sofa to hand it to her, “my blouse is too fitted and clingy to disguise the fact that I’m still not wearing a bra…. And I wouldn’t want to embarrass Jason.”

Serena nearly spilt her drink and had to put it down hastily as Bernie came around the sofa to lie next to her, shuffling backwards to get as close as she could, pulling one of Serena’s arms to rest around her waist, leaning her head against the swell of her breasts.  
“Hmm, comfy.” she murmured as Serena tried unsuccessfully to even out her breathing.

As Jason became immersed in his programme, (the latest episode of David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities) Bernie put her hand over Serena’s and guided it under her blouse until Serena could feel the smooth skin of Bernie’s stomach, making her gasp slightly. Jason’s head whipped round giving them both a glare, and they stilled until his attention was fully focused on the TV once more. After a couple of minutes Bernie pushed Serena’s hand underneath the waistband of her trousers and left it resting on her abdomen, before raising her head and stretching up to whisper,  
“I’m also going commando….”  
Serena coughed and spluttered earning another annoyed stare from Jason. Bernie once again waited a few minutes before she wriggled upwards and started to plant little kisses along Serena’s neck and jaw. That same movement had also caused Serena’s hand to move lower down and she could just feel a few curls under her finger tips.  
“I’m sorry Jason,” Serena said in a higher-pitched voice than normal, “I think I’m getting a headache, I’m going to go straight to bed.”  
“But you said you wanted to watch this with me,” said Jason sounding very disappointed.  
“You did,” said Bernie, “I remember.”

Serena gave Bernie the evil eye and sighed.  
“Oh, alright Jason, I’ll watch this, but I’m going to bed as soon as it’s finished if that’s okay with you?”

Jason nodded, and Bernie grinned. Serena was already squirming slightly, as if she had an itch she couldn’t scratch. Bernie turned and tilted her head upwards, inviting Serena to kiss her, which she did hungrily, her hand still resting on Bernie’s smooth skin, her fingertips gently drawing circles on Bernie’s lower abdomen causing her to shiver with anticipation. The programme seemed to last forever to Serena, and as soon as she saw the credits start to roll she pushed Bernie up, so that in a matter of seconds they were both standing.

“Right, we’re off to bed then Jason. If you would switch off the TV and lights when you come up please?”  
“Oh! Is Bernie going as well?” asked Jason. “I thought you’d want to watch Q.I. It’s going to be on in about 30 minutes.”

Serena gave a sort of strangled cry, which earnt her a very strange look from Jason.

“No Jason, if she stays up with you she’ll disturb me when she comes to bed, and then I’ll probably not be able to settle again, which means I’ll be really grumpy tomorrow, so it’s best if she comes now!”

“Okay,” said Jason, “I don’t like you when you’re in a bad mood. Sorry Bernie, I’ll record it as well so you can watch it another time.”

Bernie started to reply, but Serena grabbed hold of her hand and dragged her towards the stairs. As she moved onto the first stair Bernie pulled back, forcing her to stop.

“Oh for pity’s sake, what now!”  
Bernie put her finger in her mouth, pretending she felt bashful.  
“Am I right in thinking you’re not really feeling ill, and you simply want to have your wicked way with me?” she asked coyly.

“Too bloody right,” growled Serena, “so get a bloody move on!”

They had barely got inside the bedroom and closed the door when Serena pounced on Bernie, pushing her back towards the bed, whilst kissing her hard. Her hands were scrabbling frantically at the blouse, buttons popping off as she ran out of patience. Bernie pulled away, gasping for breath.

“Careful, it’s your blouse, remember?”  
“Don’t care…. anyway it’s horrible, according to Jason.”

Serena was panting as she pulled it roughly down Bernie’s arms, pausing for just a moment to watch her nipples react to the cool air. Then she bent her head to kiss each one in turn and Bernie arched towards her as a wave of desire travelled down her body. Serena straightened up and captured Bernie’s lips again, softer this time, but quick to slide her tongue between them, searching, tasting, caressing, while her hands slid down under her trousers to squeeze her backside.  
Bernie was whimpering at the onslaught and she gave a small squeal as Serena’s fingers pushed underneath, between her legs.

“I think I’ve found my place,” she murmured against Bernie’s ear, “but it seems a little more damp than I remember?”  
“What do you expect?” said Bernie, her voice deep with lust, as Serena’s fingers continued to flutter at her entrance.

“On the bed, now,” ordered Serena as she moved her hands away to pull Bernie’s trousers down to her knees, and she fell backwards onto the mattress, where with one swift movement Serena yanked them right off.

She took a moment to look at Bernie spread-eagled in front of her, her whole body flushed and trembling with want, then she knelt next to her on the bed and bent over to kiss her again and again, as her hands fondled her soft breasts, pinching and twisting her nipples. Bernie pressed her head back into the pillow and moaned loudly, and Serena reminded her of Jason, sitting in the room below them.  
“Oh god…” Bernie groaned. “Serena….. I… ohh!”  
Serena smiled as she kissed both breasts, catching the tip between her teeth before rolling it back and forth with her tongue. Bernie’s hips started to push up from the bed, her hands clenched into fists as she grabbed hold of the sheet. Serena stroked across her abdomen before easing her hand between Bernie’s legs, curling her fingers just so, making Bernie thrust upwards again as she felt Serena enter her. Sensing that she was very close, Serena couldn’t take her eyes from Bernie’s face, delighting in the gasps and mewling sounds that she was making. After ghosting her thumb across her clit a few times she suddenly pressed hard against it, while increasing the force of the thrusts of her fingers and Bernie came in a frenzy of flailing limbs, her legs shaking and her whole upper body lifting from the bed, then falling back down. Her face flushed and her breathing fast and shallow.  
Serena grinning, pushed the tangle of blonde hair from her forehead and kissed her gently.

“Give me a .. moment, to catch my breath.. and I’ll kiss you back.”

Still smiling, Serena trailed her fingers over Bernie’s limp body, and watched her shiver as her nails caught the tip of her breast.

As her body relaxed, Bernie forced her eyes open and looked at Serena.  
“Wow,” she said softly, “that was wonderful.”

She put her hand behind Serena’s head and pulled her into a lazy, smooth kiss that lasted for minutes.  
“My pleasure,” Serena replied when they finally broke apart.  
Bernie shook her head.

“No, this will be your pleasure…. eventually. I want you to stand up for me.”

Serena stood up, butterflies in her stomach as she watched Bernie push herself up onto one arm and then stare, longingly at her body. After 30 seconds, when nothing more had been said, Serena huffed impatiently.  
“How long am I supposed to just stand here?”

Bernie gave a slow smile and Serena saw her pupils dilate, making her eyes look very large and dark.

  
“I need you to take your clothes off…… slowly,” she added as Serena started to shrug off her blouse while undoing her trousers.  
“Just your blouse first, and then go and put it on the chair over there.”  
Serena did as Bernie asked, and then returned to stand by the bed.

“Very good. Now your trousers and then your camisole, but… one at a time. You must come back to the bed after you have taken each item to the chair.”  
Bernie was talking very softly and Serena knew that if she refused, it wouldn’t really matter, but she found it so arousing to do as she was told that she happily complied.

Serena was now just in her bra and pants, nothing too fancy, but Bernie found the sight of her in her underwear, to be very sexy, loving her womanly curves. She pretended to be thinking deeply about her next request, and Serena had to stop herself from squeezing her legs together to get some relief from the ache she could feel building.

“Hmm,” Bernie mused, “I can’t decide which item you should remove next.”

She beckoned Serena to come closer and reached out pushing her hand between Serena’s legs, making her squirm.

“Those pants feel pretty damp to me, so I’m thinking that they should come off next.”

Serena’s breathing became ragged as she eased them down and off, before turning to walk to the chair. But after taking a couple of steps, Bernie called for her to stop and pick up the clothes that Serena had discarded with gay abandon when she had stripped her, merely minutes earlier. Serena felt her face grow warm as she bent over, knowing that her charms would be on display to Bernie’s appreciative stare. Then she once again returned to the bed and waited, feeling shy as Bernie’s eyes raked down her body.

“And now, the bra Ms Campbell, if you would. Show me those glorious breasts.”

Finally naked, Serena walked to and from the chair, instinct making her try and cover her breasts and pubic area, and so turned on that she was worried that she might climax before Bernie even touched her.

Bernie was now sitting on the edge of the bed and she put her hands on Serena’s hips drawing her close so that she could place a gentle kiss at the apex of her thighs, which made Serena inhale sharply. Bernie pulled her down to sit astride her lap and she kissed her, capturing her bottom lip with her teeth, pulling slightly before letting go, then resuming the kiss, her tongue forcing its way past her now swollen lips. Serena was rocking back and forth, trying to press down against one of Bernie’s thighs to create some much needed friction which caused Bernie to move her head back, holding Serena’s hips until she stilled, and shook her head.

“You… you don’t get to dictate this.. not this time!” And raising her hands to Serena’s waist she swung her off her lap with surprising ease, to place her, lying on her back, on the bed. She stroked her face gently and then kissed downwards, burying her head into the crook of Serena’s neck, sucking and nibbling at the flesh there. Serena pushed her hands into Bernie’s hair trying to guide her, but Bernie pulled away again and fixed her with a firm stare. When she spoke however, her voice was still soft.

“My rules – put your arms by your sides…. please.”

Serena swallowed and her breathing faltered, but she nodded with a small smile on her lips, surprised to find that she was quite enjoying being gently dominated.  
“Okay,” she said, “okay.”

  
Bernie kissed her way down Serena’s chest, licking across one nipple before sucking it into her mouth, one of her hands playing with the other. Serena moaned quietly.  
“Good?” murmured Bernie her mouth still over the nub, so that Serena could feel the vibration travel down to her core.  
“So good,” said Serena her voice cracking with emotion. “Bernie?”  
Bernie lifted her head letting go of the nipple with a pop. “Yes?”

“You aren’t going to….. tease for …. too long are you?” Serena pleaded.

Bernie grinned, and moved back up to hover over her.  
“That’s for me to know…. and for you to think about,” she replied. “But it’ll take even longer if you keep interrupting me.”

Serena gave another groan as Bernie resumed her attack on her body, moving down from her breasts towards her stomach pausing every now and then to kiss and bite, aiming to leave a trail of marks to chart the path she took to bring Serena to the edge. Holding her gently by the shoulders, Bernie helped her to turn over and then repeated the adoration of her body, from her shoulders to her curving hips and buttocks, digging her fingers into the plump cheeks as Serena whimpered into the pillow.  
Bernie flipped her again as she covered Serena’s body with hers, looking into her eyes to see the desire burning there, and began to kiss her repeatedly as she slid her hand down between them until her fingers entwined in the curly hair covering her mound.

“Ohh, please,” Serena softly begged.

“Shhh…” whispered Bernie as she slid to the side, and she gently eased her hand between Serena’s legs, which had readily parted, being careful not to push through her folds. She cupped her before applying a small degree of pressure which spurred Serena to push her hips off the bed to meet her, but as soon as she did Bernie moved her hand away.

“How many times do I need to tell you that this is _my_ turn to please and tease you. For once I’m in charge… not you.”  
Serena sank back onto the mattress and as she stilled Bernie used just 2 fingers to press against her clitoris, still hidden from view, then dragged the same fingers up and away before returning them to the same position with the same pressure. She repeated this until she could feel Serena trembling with the effort of not moving, so on the last sweep she pressed even harder and Serena arched off the bed before collapsing back down, eyes closed, panting.

“I couldn’t help that,” she stuttered, “please don’t stop.”

“That’s okay,” said Bernie gently, “I know. Can you manage to look at me?”

Serena opened her eyes to look at the face of the woman she loved and felt overwhelmed at the sight of her love reflected back.  
Bernie’s eyes seemed to be gazing into her soul, and she fought to bring her breathing under control as Bernie increased the pressure of her fingers against her clit, barely recognising the gasps and sighs coming from her mouth. Her breathing grew more ragged as finally one of Bernie’s fingers travelled down, nudging the labia apart, stopping on the edge of her opening before dipping inside where Bernie could feel how wet Serena had become. Coating her finger, Bernie drew it slowly back up to that small bundle of nerves, rubbing it gently, properly, for the first time. Serena grabbed the sheet either side of her and groaned loudly.  
Bernie moved quickly to stifle the sound with her mouth and they kissed passionately, whilst also listening, hoping that Jason hadn’t heard.

Satisfied that everything was quiet, Bernie repeated this action three more times, feeling Serena stiffen as she ghosted over her clit, her breathing now quite erratic and she could tell that the effort not to move was becoming almost impossible. Bernie moved her hand away before she placed a soft kiss on Serena’s lips and then pushed herself up off the bed.  
“Bernie!” cried Serena desperately, her voice raspy and low, “where…. are you going?”

“Sorry my sweet, I just have to pee…”

The smirk on her face was enough to convince Serena that this was a lie, and she started to move her hand to rest between her legs, her face showing the despair and need she felt, craving some sort of release. Bernie was back by her side in an instant.

“No, no darling, arms up please,” and she pushed them up above her head. “No touching! I won’t be long, I promise, and then I’ll give you everything you want, everything you need..”

Serena moaned, consumed by the ache between her legs, thinking that this was the most exquisite torture she had ever endured, but did as Bernie had asked and kept her hands where she had placed them, trying to think of anything that might dampen the throbbing that was fast becoming unbearable. Waiting for the moment when the pain turned into white hot pleasure.

True to her word Bernie reappeared very quickly and as she moved towards the bed, Serena’s eyes tracked her all the way, noting the swing of her hips and the gentle bounce of her breasts. Bernie climbed onto the bed and knelt between Serena’s legs, easing them a little further apart. She looked up at her and smiled.  
“I think you’re way overdue your reward. I’m sorry I’ve been such a tease,”  
and she leaned forward and kissed around Serena’s navel, her hands stroking her breasts, pinching the nipples once more, before they moved down to grasp Serena’s hips.

Serena had come down slightly from the precipice she had been teetering on and with the change of mood in the room, Bernie became loving and giving. She took one of the pillows and pushed it underneath Serena to raise her hips and bent one of her legs up to give her better access. Serena’s mind was racing as she realised where Bernie was headed and suddenly the throbbing ache was back even stronger, and she tensed slightly in anticipation. Bernie, her head between Serena’s thighs felt her stiffen and she looked enquiringly at her.

“Are you okay with this?” she asked quietly, “I mean… this is new for you and I want to be sure….”

“Please,” whimpered Serena, and she grasped either side of Bernie’s head to guide her to her very centre.

Still moving slowly so that Serena could stop her at any moment if she wished, Bernie placed little kisses along her inner thigh, and then pressed her lips against her folds, pushing her tongue between them until it met with Serena’s nectar. Bernie sighed with pleasure inhaling the musky aroma as she truly tasted her for the first time. She pushed even further, deep into her, and then dragged her tongue upwards until she could feel her engorged clit which she flicked two times before pressing her tongue firmly against it. Serena’s hips raised off the bed for a moment and a juddering sigh escaped from her mouth. Bernie repeated this action a second, third and fourth time, and Serena’s hands moved to cover her mouth in an effort to subdue the wails and groans she couldn’t seem to stop. Bernie paused again, aware that her orgasm was very close.

“Do you want me… inside you?” she asked, and Serena shook her head. “Just ….. that” she managed to say.

Bernie took the throbbing bundle of nerves into her mouth, sucking strongly and Serena felt a fluttering start deep inside, as Bernie alternated between kissing and flicking. Serena’s hands clutched Bernie’s head as if it were a life jacket that she was clinging onto to save herself from drowning. Bernie once again flattened her tongue against her clit and dragged upwards as Serena’s legs stiffened, her thighs clamping together as her orgasm hit, and tremors overtook her body, hips bucking, her head forced back against the pillow, her hands still clutching Bernie’s hair. As Bernie wriggled free, she watched the spasms rippling across Serena’s stomach and lay her head there, trying to calm her, feeling her slowly relax, as she came back down to earth from that exquisite high.

She was pretty sure that Serena had squealed loudly as she came, and now that her ears were uncovered she listened intently for any sound to signify that Jason had heard.  
Serena opened her eyes and Bernie moved up the bed to lie next to her, bringing up her hand to wipe her mouth, but Serena covered it with her own to stop her.

“Can I? Please… will you kiss me…before, I mean.. first?”

Bernie’s eyes widened in surprise but she nodded and kissed her lightly, and was even more surprised when Serena’s tongue pushed inside, tasting herself, trying to gauge what Bernie had experienced. Bernie found it impossible to take her eyes off her as she licked across her lips, a small smile curling her mouth upwards. She finally looked at Bernie, blushing slightly.  
“Thank you,” she said shyly, “ I’ve never done that, tasted myself.. it….it was..different.. nicer than I thought.”

She blushed again.

“I take it that… it was..that you..liked it… me?”

Bernie thought that nervous, shy Serena was adorable and she grinned happily.  
“You tasted divine, “ she assured her. “Better than the finest wine.”

Serena turned an even deeper shade of red as she flung her arms around Bernie and kissed her again, and again, and again.  
“In your darkest moments, never ever doubt how happy you make me,” said Serena. “I love you so much, it almost hurts.”  
Bernie’s eyes lit up, as she felt a bubble of excitement threatening to burst out of her chest.  
“I thought that it was just me who felt that way.”  
They lay gazing at each other kissing softly, until Serena laughed quietly and burrowed her head against Bernie’s neck, feeling her body and mind begin to relax as the trials and tribulations of the day melted away, Bernie holding her in a loving embrace as they drifted off to sleep.

The rest of the weekend seemed to be very busy, especially as their ability to rise and shine early on Saturday morning was curtailed due to the exertions of the previous night, and both of them wanting an encore. An activity that did not get too far, due to Jason being a little upset when he went downstairs and found that his Auntie had still not surfaced, despite the fact on the previous evening she had brought forward her bedtime by at least 2 hours.

They did some shopping, and took a couple of walks, as well as dropping Jason at the Transport Museum where he had arranged to meet Celia. Serena even persuaded Bernie into the garden to mow the lawn while she went around the borders weeding and tidying. And at every given opportunity they could be found cuddling on the sofa, or kissing in the kitchen, or indeed any part of the house where they stopped and looked at one another. Despite the heady delights of the previous night, Bernie thought that if she only ever got to hold and kiss Serena for the rest of her life, she could be perfectly happy.

Serena also gently encouraged her to write a letter to both Cameron and Charlotte, a proper handwritten letter, not an email or a perfectly typed document on Word.  
Bernie was hesitant at first not knowing how to begin, but, with Serena’s help she managed to convey her genuine regret over the divorce and the betrayal they must have felt. She tried to assure them that she still loved them dearly, had always loved them, in spite of her prolonged absences from the family home. She promised that if they should ever want to see her, they only had to say and she would make it happen.  
It took a lot of writing and editing and she still wasn’t sure that it was saying exactly what she wanted, but Serena persuaded her that perfection wasn’t the object, that it was just about starting a dialogue. If they responded, then it would have served its purpose, and if they didn’t, then she just needed to keep trying.  
“Maybe, if they do get in touch fairly quickly, and you want some neutral ground you could invite them to the benefit at The Crescent. That way you’d have something to talk to them about, to get the conversation started.”  
Bernie nodded, thinking that she could also introduce them to Serena at the same time, at least as a friend. The true nature of their friendship could come later if and when she felt ready to go down that road.

“I’d also welcome your presence, backstage, to keep me calm. Perhaps give me a hand getting ready?” Serena asked.  
Bernie smiled.  
“You mean you want me to help you change into your outfits?”  
“If you don’t mind? I think I’ll be all fingers and thumbs on the night!”

Bernie nuzzled into Serena’s neck.

  
“I quite like your fingers and thumbs” she muttered. “And you’d better allow plenty of time for getting changed, because my fingers and thumbs might get a little carried away when I help you undress…..”  
Serena pushed her away in mock indignation.  
“Don’t you dare! I’ll be nervous enough as it is!”  
“It could help take your mind off things,” Bernie teased.  
“But perhaps you’re right. Maybe we should practice now so that I can learn how to keep my desire for you under control.”  
She proceeded to slip Serena’s blouse off her shoulders so that she could kiss along her collarbone, at the same time stroking her hand across her stomach while her other hand reached behind for the fastener to her bra.  
Serena sighed and squirmed before moving out of her grasp.

“It’s going to be a disaster,” she groaned, “I think I’ll have to ask Elinor if she’s free instead.”  
Bernie chuckled, helping Serena put her blouse back on.

“I promise to try to behave, if you decide you want to take the risk.”

“What I need right now is for you to help me decide which two songs you think are best suited to me. And I also wanted to ask you if you’d come with me on Monday evening to run through them on the stage, to show David?”  
Bernie hesitated.  
“I’d love to, but are you sure you want me to? After the way I ….”  
“Oh, I think we can draw a veil over that, don’t you?”  
Bernie readily agreed, inwardly very pleased that Serena still trusted her.

After getting David’s blessing for the two songs, rehearsals began in earnest. Sometimes Bernie was able to go with her, but often their shift patterns didn’t match as Bernie was doing extra hours to allow Serena the time off that she needed. Sometimes she asked Bernie to help her out with picking Jason up and taking him home, getting them both fish and chips, or heating through a previously prepared meal, so that his routine was disrupted as little as possible. Bernie was happy to oblige, it made her feel as if she belonged somewhere, that she was needed and valued outside of the hospital.

On one of the mornings that they were both working a day shift, Bernie came into their office clutching an envelope in a shaking hand.  
“Serena…look,” she started to say, and then stopped, her throat going dry and feeling as if it were closing up.  
Serena looked up and was startled to see Bernie looking so pale and anxious.  
“I’m looking, you’ve got a letter…. ahh.”  
Serena stood up and propelled Bernie into her seat before she passed out.

“I take it that you know who that’s from?”  
Bernie nodded, her hands still trembling slightly,  
“I recognised Cameron’s writing straight away. Horrendous, bound to be a doctor.”  
Bernie tried to make a joke of it but couldn’t summon up the energy for a smile.  
“Right,” said Serena, secretly just as nervous as Bernie. It had been her idea after all.

“Open it before your blood pressure goes through the roof. You can’t alter what’s inside so you might as well get it over with.”

Bernie bit her lip, and looked at Serena who perched on the edge of the desk next to her. She slowly removed the letter and started to read, reaching out to grasp Serena’s hand.  
When Bernie finished reading, Serena could see that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and she gripped her hand even tighter, dreading what Bernie was about to say.  
“He… he says.. he’s glad I wrote to… him, I mean them. That he’d hoped I would.. but they thought I must hate them,” and Bernie choked back a sob, “because.. of them siding with Marcus. They… both, want to meet and talk things through.”  
Bernie gasped as some tears trickled down her cheeks, and Serena gently wiped them away with her thumb.

“Oh my darling, I’m so pleased for you. I was terrified it wasn’t going to be such good news!”

  
“I don’t know where to suggest we meet,” said Bernie, sounding anxious all over again. “I don’t want to ask them to mine, and a pub or restaurant can be too noisy to chat.”  
Serena stroked her hand.  
“Well as I suggested why don’t you ask them to the show, so it’s sort of neutral ground, and then after you can all come back to mine for a late supper. I’ll leave you in peace, and it’ll be up to you how you introduce me.”

Bernie looked at Serena, her mind racing.  
“Are you sure?”  
Serena nodded.  
“Well, that would be nice. And I’m not going to pretend that you’re just a friend. It would be too hard to pretend you don’t mean the world to me. Lying by omission is what got me in this mess to start with, so I’ll make sure they know in advance that we are in a relationship. If that’s okay with you?”

Serena leaned forward and lightly kissed her forehead, feeling slightly overwhelmed by Bernie’s determination to make things as transparent as possible.

“Of course it is. They can stay over as well in that case, as long as one of them doesn’t mind sleeping on the sofa.”

At these words Bernie stood up and moved to the door of the office to lock it, after first checking that all the blinds were closed. She went back to Serena and pulled her up from the desk so that they were merely millimetres apart.  
“I know we’re at work and that this is very much frowned upon, but…” and Bernie pressed her lips to Serena’s, tenderly trying to pour all her feelings into that one kiss.  
When they broke apart Serena was breathing deeply and her face was flushed.  
“I’m not complaining, but was there a reason for that… right now?”  
Bernie moved back to the door to unlock it and turned back to smile softly at Serena.  
“Because just saying ‘thank you’ didn’t seem enough.”

The next few weeks were very busy, their time being divided between work, the theatre and home, although in Serena’s case the latter often ended up just somewhere she went to sleep. Serena let Bernie off going shopping with her to choose her outfits, deciding she wanted to surprise her on the night. But, after talking to David about the staging of the last number, Serena had a question she needed to ask Bernie, and she wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. So one Sunday afternoon when they were both at Serena’s house at the same time she plucked up her courage, and sitting next to her on the sofa she took her hand.

“You know my last song, the last one of the show ‘Whatever Lola Wants’?”  
Bernie nodded.  
She loved that one, it gave Serena the chance to do what she did best, flirt, and be as sexy as hell. There were going to be about 6 members of the cast on stage with her and she was going to move between them supposedly ensnaring them and bending them to her will. It was popular with everyone, a great piece of fun on which to end the evening. Serena took another deep breath and continued.  
“Well, I had this idea, and David has agreed, if you do, that after getting them all to follow me around with their tongues hanging out, that I should choose just one person to embrace at the end, but I want you to be okay with it as well.”  
Bernie looked puzzled, but before she could say anything Serena carried on.  
“When I get to the final refrain, you know…

 _‘You’re no exception to the rule,_  
I’m irresistible you fool.  
Give in..  
Give in..  
Give in..

I want.. to walk towards the wings, where you’ll be standing and lead you onto the stage and as I pull you into an embrace the others all fall to the floor and the curtain comes down.”

Serena gabbled the last few words as she saw Bernie’s eyes widen in shock, and her hands started to twist around one another which always happened when she felt stressed, so Serena hastened to add.  
“But it’s only a suggestion, and I don’t want you to think you have to, especially if you think it might make Cameron and Charlotte uncomfortable. God knows I don’t want to mess that up! I just thought that it might help to let everyone know, understand that we’re serious, but not in a ‘coming out’ sort of way.”

Bernie still didn’t say anything and Serena started to panic.  
“You’re right, it’s a stupid idea, I’m getting carried away with the whole theatrical side of things…. I’m sorry, I’ll shut up now.”

“Yes,” said Bernie quietly. “Yes, it’s the least I can do to show you and others that I’m committed to this.. us. I’ll be scared to death, and embarrassed, but the answer’s still yes.”

Serena was stunned and elated at the same time.  
“Are you sure? What about Cameron and Charlotte? It won’t upset them will it?”

Bernie shook her head.

“I’ve already told them I’m in the early stages of a relationship…. with you… and I want them to see how happy you make me, that I’m not trying to hide behind any ‘british reserve’.”

Serena’s heart ached with love for this woman, didn’t think she could bear to ever be apart from her, but reigned in her desire to have her living in her home. That was a question that could wait awhile, knowing that Bernie still had things in her life that needed to be addressed before she broached that.

It was just three weeks later that Serena and Bernie arrived at the theatre for the show. Nerves were running high for both of them, and their hands were entwined together as they both tried to comfort and calm the other, with little success.  
Serena made her way backstage to hang her dresses/costumes up and Bernie promised to join her as soon as she had met up with her children. Jason was coming too with Alan, and Fletch, 2 of his 4 children, Raf and Morven had all assured them they would be there to offer moral support. Bernie had worried that Elinor had expressed no real interest in coming, but Serena had promised her she was fine about it.  
“Elinor and I have an unusual mother/daughter relationship,” she had explained. “We don’t need or even want to be that involved with each other’s lives, but we do know that when it matters we’re there for each other.” She had patted Bernie on the arm, guessing what was troubling her.

“I’ve told her about you, and while she’s had a bit of trouble imagining me with a woman, she’s happy for me, and is looking forward to meeting you. When it suits her.” Serena had added with a wry smile.

Bernie’s stomach was churning as she spotted Cameron walking through the doors into the foyer with Charlotte slightly behind.  
‘ _She looks so grown-up_!’ Bernie thought fleetingly, and then Cameron was right in front of her, opening his arms to give her a hug.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered into his ear, and he nodded, feeling too emotional to say anything. Breaking apart she looked past him to see Charlotte standing awkwardly, looking a little lost. Not wanting to overwhelm her, seeing herself in the young lady in front of her, she merely said her name, softly, and held out her hand. Charlotte moved forward to take hold of it, and Bernie kissed her briefly on her cheek and gave her hand a squeeze. Turning to Cameron she grasped hold of his hand too, and smiled in relief.

“I have so much I want to say to you, and so much I want to hear about how you both are, but we’re going to have to wait a little longer. I’ve promised Serena I will help her get ready, and cheer her on from the side of the stage, so I hope you don’t mind that I won’t be sitting with you? I can show you where your seats are though… if you want?”  
“It’s okay Madre,” said Cameron with a grin. “We’re capable of finding our way into the auditorium on our own. We’re all growed up now!”  
“I can see that,” Bernie answered, almost sadly. “Are you both able to come back to Serena’s after?”  
They nodded, and after another quick peck to their cheeks, Bernie left them, her heart a few degrees lighter, to go and find out how Serena was coping.

  
She was pacing to and fro, looking quite pale and Bernie grasped her by her arms to force her to stop. Serena took a deep breath and gave her a weak smile.  
“I’m beginning to think this was a bad idea. Is it? Do you think I’m good enough, or are you and the others just being kind? Will the people in the audience who don’t know me just think I’m someone who needs her ego stroked?”

Bernie smile grew wider.  
“Serena, you have a beautiful voice and you’re very easy on the eye, the audience will love you, I promise. And I know David, even if he does fancy the pants off you, he’d never risk the reputation of this theatre just to try and get you into bed. Which he knows is a lost cause anyway.”

Bernie pulled her into a brief hug.  
“Come on, let’s get you ready.”

By the time the curtain went up on the whole cast singing ‘Another Op’nin’, Another Show’ from Kiss Me Kate, the auditorium was practically full.  
Everything seemed to speed by, and Bernie watched as Serena and David performed their duet, still getting the occasional jealous pang that it wasn’t her that Serena was gazing so lovingly at, but no longer felt threatened by their performance. They came off stage to loud applause, and Serena grabbed Bernie by the hand pulling her towards the dressing room, as she only had 15 minutes until she was on stage again for her first solo.

Bernie helped her out of the skirt and blouse she had been wearing and looked around for the next outfit. Serena pointed to a dress bag that was hanging up behind her, and as Bernie lifted down a long black dress, Serena removed her bra, so she was clad in only black lace panties. When Bernie turned towards her she gulped slightly, and moved quickly to help her into the dress before her baser instincts got the better of her. Serena wriggled to get everything in the proper place before telling Bernie to ‘zip her up’, and then turned round to ask her what she thought.  
Bernie could only stand, with her mouth open at the vision in front of her. The bodice of the dress was a very deep and broad V, the material barely clinging to her shoulders before running into three quarter length sleeves. The front of the V exposed her glorious cleavage without ever being in danger of showing too much. The material gathered into a drape across her left hip, with a beaded decoration that caught the light as she moved, and then, most arousing of all was the nearly thigh length slit in the skirt which gave a tempting glimpse of hidden treasures. Bernie tried to speak and found her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth and only managed a strangled squawk as she tried to swallow. Serena’s eyes glinted and she smiled as she reached for Bernie’s hand again.

“That was exactly the reaction I was hoping for,” she said teasingly, as they left the dressing room to return to the wings. Bernie stumbled twice as she found it impossible to tear her eyes away from Serena’s left leg every time it was exposed as she walked. They stood in the wings waiting for the previous singer to finish, and Serena, having turned to face Bernie, briefly pressed their lips together. Bernie couldn’t help but slide her hand under the slit to caress her thigh, moving closer and closer to..

“Easy tiger,” Serena murmured, moving backwards to put space between them.  
“I need to be able to concentrate for the next 5 minutes you know.”

“Sorry,” Bernie gasped. “You’re just so….”  
“Irresistible?” finished Serena, with a wink, walking onto the stage, as the opening bars to ‘(You’d be So) Easy to Love’ sounded out across the theatre.

She crossed to perch on a bar stool in front of a standing mike, and as the curtains opened Bernie heard a collective gasp from the audience as a single spotlight shone onto her. She watched mesmerised as Serena sang, and when the curtains came down the noise of the applause (and a few wolf whistles) was deafening.  
After taking a couple of curtain calls Serena practically skipped off the stage and into Bernie’s arms, both of them grinning like idiots.  
“ I do hope this dress stays on for your second number, at the end of the show,” Bernie whispered, as the house lights came on in the auditorium signalling the interval.  
Serena looked askance.

“What? Wear the same dress? I thought you knew me better than that!” Serena’s eyes were dancing, her face glowing as she saw Bernie pout.

“I promise you, you won’t be disappointed,” she said. “Now go and check up on your offspring, and make sure you’re back here as soon as the interval is over.”

Bernie sped off down the corridor to the foyer and spotted Cameron and Charlotte just emerging through the doors to the bar. She found out what they wanted and signalled to the bartender, who, knowing Bernie, got their drinks sorted quickly. Clutching their glasses they found a quiet corner, where Bernie asked if they were enjoying themselves.  
Charlotte was the first to nod, and remarked that she was surprised at how good everyone was and that she had expected to be a bit bored, but she wasn’t, at all.  
Cameron looked at his mom with his piercing eyes, and smiled.

“That was her, wasn’t it, singing the last number before the lights came up?”  
Bernie nodded, not able to keep the smile off her face, but inwardly anxious about their reaction.  
“Well, maybe I shouldn’t say this about my mother’s girlfriend, but she’s….hot! You have exceedingly good taste Madre, how on earth did you manage to get her interested?”

Bernie’s laugh rang out across the foyer as she shook her head and spread her hands in an attempt to show she had no idea, and they both joined in.

Too soon the bell sounded to signify that everyone should return to their seats, and Bernie explained where the car was in case she and Serena didn’t get away very quickly, but that she hoped to meet them by the ticket office.

She joined Serena in the wings again, and they both watched the next few performances, as Serena’s second song was the last in the show. However, after the fourth act came off stage, Serena turned towards the dressing room.

“Oh, okay, I didn’t realise you’d go and get changed quite so soon,” said Bernie, but followed Serena down the stairs.  
“Um… no, it’s okay,”said Serena. “Someone else is going to give me a hand for this one.”  
Bernie stopped dead in her tracks.  
“Why?”  
Serena sighed.  
“Because I want to surprise you, and… and I think things could get…a bit heated when you see my next outfit… if you get my drift?”  
And to Bernie’s surprise Serena face flushed, and Bernie wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or just nervous.

She shrugged. “Okay… I wanted to keep mine a bit of a secret too, if I’m honest. I’ll wait in the Green Room until someone tells me it’s all clear for me to go and get changed.”  
Bernie’s stomach was already turning over at the thought of going on stage again, and Serena gathered Bernie into her arms for a quick hug.

“Don’t worry too much, it’ll all be over soon. I promise I won’t leave you standing alone out there.”

Bernie paced up and down while she waited, her hands feeling sweaty, and half wishing that she hadn’t given up smoking. After about 15 minutes, one of the younger members of the cast popped her head round the door and told her that Ms Campbell was changed and the room was free for Bernie. It was a very quick change for her, she’d hired a formal suit, and it took her no time at all to pull on the slim fitting trousers, tucking her own white shirt into them, slipping a waistcoat over that and draping a unfastened bow tie around her neck. She rolled her sleeves up, deciding against the jacket, going for a slightly rakish air, and finally slipped on a pair of red shoes with kitten heels. She made her way quietly back to stand behind Serena, who appeared the be wrapped in a rather voluminous piece of fabric.  
Sensing her presence Serena turned round to offer a few more words of encouragement, but her voice faded to the tiniest squeak as she drank in the sight of Bernie Wolfe, looking like the sexiest woman she had ever seen, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Bernie, very pleased to see her reaction leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

“So I take it this is a look I should use again?”

Serena nodded, still mute. Then she shrugged off the ‘tent’ that she had used to cover her, as she became aware that the men that were in her last number had already moved onto the stage to take their positions.

Now it was Bernie’s turn to feel floored, for Serena was wearing what she could only describe as a sexy ‘fallen angel’ outfit. It was red and black and had a very fitted bodice that once again showed off her generous breasts to perfection. A taffeta skirt that finished just above the knee, and red patent over the knee boots completed the outfit.  
As the intro to her song sounded out into the theatre and the curtain started to raise, Serena blew Bernie a kiss and strutted onto the stage, noting with satisfaction the stunned looks of the other actors (who were seeing her outfit for the first time too) as she launched into her song…

‘ _Whatever Lola wants…_  
Lola gets  
And little man, little Lola….wants you!’

Bernie (and most of the audience) couldn’t take their eyes off Serena, and the way she popped her hips and shook her bosom in the face of each of the smitten actors on stage. Bernie was so entranced that she had completely forgotten that Serena was about to coax her to walk out from the wings, until she realised she was heading in her direction. Serena reached up and caught hold of the ends of the bow tie and used them like a leash to pull her into the spotlight, making her lose her footing slightly. She turned to face Bernie and pulled her close, her hand stroking down her cheek as the dying chords of the song rang out, and Bernie was so bewitched, that forgetting she was in front of an audience, she captured Serena’s lips into a sweet, but intense kiss as the curtain fell. The curtain rose again on the sight of them still kissing, their arms wrapped around each other, and it wasn’t until somebody started a round of whistles that they broke apart, blushing profusely as they took their bows.

They were both vaguely aware of David addressing the audience, thanking them for their attendance and generosity, and then before they knew it they were back in the dressing room, getting changed as quickly as they could so that they didn’t keep Cameron and Charlotte waiting. Serena had to ask Bernie to help her out of her very tight fitting costume and as Bernie put her hand on the zip she nuzzled into Serena’s neck and kissed just behind her ear.

“Is it very wrong of me that I wish that Cameron and Charlotte weren’t coming back with us?” she murmured.  
Serena shook her head as her knees started to tremble at the meaning behind Bernie’s comment.  
“You and me both,” she replied. “But never fear, this costume will be finding a permanent home in my wardrobe…”

There was a less than subtle cough from someone to their right.  
“Just a reminder that you’re not alone in here!”

They both giggled and apologised and within 10 minutes they were walking into the foyer, having successfully (for now) dampened their ardour.  
Bernie made very brief introductions, all of them feeling slightly self conscious, before they walked around to the car park, where Serena double checked that they were happy to go and have something to eat at her home.

They picked up some fish and chips for speed, and an hour later they were sitting, replete, in the lounge still feeling slightly awkward. Serena brought them in some tea or coffee and then explained she was returning to the kitchen to wash up, to give them a bit of space to connect with each other. Which she fully intended to do, but it was very soon that she found herself close to the archway into the lounge, listening carefully.

Cameron looked at his mom and cleared his throat.  
“Well, I think it’s safe to say that we got the idea that you and Serena are very much a couple.”  
Bernie blushed and looked down at the floor before answering.  
“Yes, I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t planned I promise you, it just…”  
“Happened?” asked Charlotte quietly.  
Bernie was almost afraid to look at Charlotte expecting to see a blank face, the sort of mask she was only too familiar with, the mask she had always used when trying to control her own emotions. But surprisingly all she saw were soft eyes and an open, uncritical gaze.  
“Hmm…. yes,” she said. “I have less control than I thought, especially when it involves Serena.”

There was a few seconds silence, and then Bernie decided she needed to start things off.  
“Look, there are lots of things that we need to talk about, but it’s getting late and I don’t want to bore you with things you don’t want or need to know. So how about you ask me those questions that you most want to, and I’ll do my best to be honest. Even if I think you won’t like what I’m saying. And if it gets really late, or you’re too tired, maybe we could arrange another meeting sometime soon?”  
They both nodded and Bernie sat back slightly to wait for one of them to speak.

Charlotte bit her lip and then said in a rush, and with a slightly accusing tone,  
“Did you ever love Dad?”

Bernie was shocked.  
“Yes, yes of course I did. I would never have married him otherwise. He was kind and patient, and he made me laugh when things were tough. He was a good friend too, and although he didn’t really want me to ‘join up’, once he saw how much it meant to me he supported me all the way.”  
There was a pause before Cameron joined in.  
“So why did you…?”  
Bernie shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

“I did love your father, I still do in some ways. How could I not when I look at you two and see that so much of who you are is due to him. The trouble was, I don’t think I was ever ‘in love’ with him. Not that gut-wrenching I can’t stand it when we’re not together sort of love..”

“Is that how you felt about Alex?”

Bernie closed her eyes for a moment, and Serena, still listening felt her fingers grip the back of a chair as she waited to hear her answer.  
“Yes…no. I mean, I still don’t really know how or why it happened. I knew she liked me and I found myself confiding in her, trusting her judgement when I was feeling low. I wasn’t shocked when she made the first move, and I didn’t stop her because… it felt right somehow… to be kissing a woman. It felt good to be feeling something, anything, instead of burying my emotions when we lost friends and colleagues. Because we still had a job to do no matter what. For a short space of time I felt alive again when normally it was just about being relieved that you weren’t dead.”

Bernie looked down at the floor before she continued.  
“ I was in love with her while we were in Afghanistan, but when I came back, after the IED, I thought that wanting to please your father and both of you, by staying, was the right thing to do. I saw how scared he’d been and I felt I owed it to him. But,  before he even found out about Alex, I found it hard to be… affectionate towards him, his ..touch didn’t calm me as it once had. I put it down to the guilt I felt, but honestly, deep down? I think that I knew that now I had experienced a woman’s love I didn’t want anything else.”

“So why didn’t you wait to try and make things work with her?” Cameron asked gently.  
Bernie shrugged.

“Mainly guilt I think, and as much as I did love her, I don’t think it would have worked back home. If I’d returned to my post, maybe, I don’t know. I just don’t feel it was a forever kind of love. We were very different people wanting very different things. But, like with your Dad, there will always be a part of me that will belong to her.”

  
Serena sank down onto a chair and bent over, feeling a little nauseous. If Bernie still had feelings for Marcus and Alex, how much was there left for her?

Back in the lounge, Charlotte had moved to sit next to her mother, and she held out her hand for Bernie to cradle between her own.

“So, Serena? How did she come to be what appears to be such a big part of your life?”  
A small smile spread across Bernie’s face putting a light in her eyes.  
“Ah, yes. Well that sort of snuck up on me. Although, on the day I first met her I found her intriguing and certainly lovely to look at.”

Bernie looked embarrassed at this confession.

“But she seemed too set in her ways, always following the rules, and I know I irritated her with my _‘gung-ho’_ attitude. We seemed destined to rub each other up the wrong way. And yet…. I found I wanted to be near to her whenever I could, and when I did something that pleased her or made her smile I felt happier and more relaxed than I’d done for years.”  
Bernie looked from one to the other and smiled.

I truly feel I have met my soul-mate, and the fact that she seems to feel the same way about me, I find astonishing. And wonderful.”

If Bernie heard the small sob from the kitchen she chose to ignore it, as Cameron asked what Bernie felt would have to be the last question.

“I know this isn’t a fair question really, but we spent some of the time growing up thinking that we were always going to lose out if you had to choose between us and your career. So if you had to choose between us or Serena, who would win?”

  
Bernie’s eyes opened wide, a look of outrage on her face.  
“That’s an appalling thing to ask Cam! It would depend on so many things. That’s just not fair.”

“Life isn’t always fair Mom. You taught us that. If I said, that we were going to leave now and not see you again unless you came with us, what would you do?”

Bernie put her head in her hands, but when she raised it up, there was a steely look in her eye.  
“This is emotional blackmail Cam, but I’m not going to refuse to answer as I would have done once….

I would hug you both as if my life depended on it, and I would tell you how much I love you, will _always_ love you, but… at this point in my life, I would have to choose Serena.”

Cameron and Charlotte both grinned and threw their arms around their mother much to her amazement.  
“Good answer Madre,” said Cameron. “We just wanted to know if being honest with yourself, and therefore with us, was really happening.”

None of them could ignore the soft sobs and sniffles coming from the kitchen this time.  
“Mom,” said Charlotte, “I think someone else needs a hug right now.”

An hour or so later, Charlotte was in bed in Elinor’s room, and Cameron was snug on the sofa, and Bernie and Serena were sitting on the edge of their bed.  
Bernie put her arm around Serena’s shoulders and kissed her.  
“You okay now?” she asked. “I should have guessed you’d be listening.”

“I’m sorry I was eavesdropping, I started off telling myself it was because I wanted to make sure everything was okay, that you weren’t getting too upset. But I found I couldn’t stop. I was scared I would hear something I’d regret knowing, and you did say some things it was difficult to listen to. Do you think Cameron and Charlotte are annoyed with me?”  
“No, I’m sure they’re not. I think they’re actually very pleased that I’ve settled down somewhat, and that I’ve found someone who makes me so happy.”  
Serena turned to look searchingly at Bernie’s face.  
“And do you think you’ve settled down? Is Holby really where you want to spend the rest of your life?”  
“I didn’t say….I couldn’t say that for certain. None of us know our future.”

Serena’s shoulders lifted as she took a deep breath.  
“Okay,” she said with a tremble in her voice, “ I guess I’ll have to learn to live with that, knowing that your itchy feet might take you away from Holby at some future date. Away from me.”

Bernie turned Serena’s head towards her.  
“No, what I’m saying is maybe, if you want to, I could imagine leaving Holby. I can’t conceive of a time when I’d willingly leave you.”

Serena’s breathing faltered and she stumbled over her next words.  
“So… you’re saying… you mean.. you think this is it? You want to be with me….?”

“Always,” Bernie whispered as she pulled Serena down to lie on the bed, peppering her face with kisses.  
“And I’m beginning to regret you offering my two somewhere to sleep, because what I would like to do to you, right now, would have you screaming like a banshee. Do you have any idea how turned on I was by your last outfit this evening?”

“About the same as I was when I saw you in that suit,” Serena said with a grin.  
“Perhaps,” she suggested, “we can try some role-play tomorrow evening? Jason won’t be back until after work on Monday.”

Bernie pulled Serena towards her and kissed her soundly.  
“That is quite possibly, the best thing you’ve said to me all day.”

The distinctive laughter that followed could be heard all over the house and Bernie, her eyes shining, her cheeks pink and her soul feeling lighter than it had for longer than she cared to remember, finally let herself imagine how wonderful their life could be.

 


End file.
